Today when I checked my email, my mom had replied to the letter I sent her in which I told her about the blog. She basically said "That explains the food pictures.", and that she's noticed that I've been doing a lot better at meals/ with scary foods. She also said that she couldn't judge for herself whether this was a good thing for me to be doing, so she suggested that I ask my therapist/ group. She wants to see my blog on the weekend.
So today I had group therapy and talked about my blog as my "round". I felt really uncomfortable explaining it, and I don't think I got my point across too well. First, most of the girls didn't know what a food blog was. Second, I couldn't put into words how this blog has been helping my recovery. The therapist who leads my group said that she couldn't decide whether or not blogging is a good thing for me, because it's different for each person and depends on what stage of recovery they're in. One of her main concerns was that the bloggers who comment here would give me advice that wouldn't work. This hasn't happened so far (because you're all so amazing!) but I can see how non-professional advice could hurt me. My group therapist was also afraid of "cyber-bullying". This hasn't happened to me either, but I don't know how I'd react if someone commented on here specifically to offend me or take advantage of my disorder.
She also asked three important questions. They were meant to be rhetorical in group, but I'll answer them here.
Q: Is blogging just another way for me to get attention?
A: No. Of course it makes me happy to get comments, but I am more focused on using this blog as a way to share my love of food and help my recovery than I am on gaining popularity in the blogging world.
Q: If I'm only talking to people online about recovery and food, will it be harder for me to interact with people in real life without using those as conversation pieces?
A: This is something that I've noticed recently. It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to find things to talk about with people my age other than food. I'm sort of introverted by nature, but I'm just closing up my shell even more because I can't have normal conversations anymore. Sometimes, I find things to talk about with kids in my orchestra and can chit-chat sort of well, so this one is TBD.
Q: Will blogging make me even more obsessed with food and healthy eating than I already am?
A: I don't know. I'd really like to believe that I have a genuine interest in food and that I'd be cooking and baking all the time even if I didn't have an ED. Often times, it seems that I can't find anything else to think of besides food. If I'm bored, I go online and look up recipes, and sometimes don't eat what I'd really like because it doesn't seem "blog worthy". I have a couple of good distractions though, like doing puzzles, ballet, and playing the cello. This one will be figured out later too.
My group therapist asked that I talk to my individual therapist about the blog too. I really don't want to quit blogging, because I've made so many great relationships on here and would be so sad to just let them go! I think I'll keep the blog, but I may have to make changes so I can do what will be best for my recovery.
Alright, that's done! Don't have too many pictures today. Part of breakfast was a yummy bowl of oats. Toppings were chopped crystalized ginger, applesauce, and graham cracker crumbs.
I'll just skip right over lunch and onto my snack, which involved a cinnamon roll Larabar. This flavor is pretty good, but nothing compared to my favorite, apple pie! Meh.
Din dins was yummers. I made cheesy baked cauliflower. I realize that this is the second day in a row that I've had something with "cheesy" in the title, but it's okay because I like cheese! This was pretty good, but it needs something to help it stick together better. And more cheese!
With a baked Quorn chik'n cutlet, brushed with evoo and seasoned with cumin, oregano and garlic powder. I really don't like these too much. I'm a vegetarian, I don't want my food to taste like meat! These are too real tasting for me. But my mom buys them, so I keep eating them...
Sorry for the super long post. I'm just trying to put some things into perspective. Now I'm off to do a puzzle, goodnight lovelies!