Saturday, February 28, 2009

What is WRONG with me?

Ahhh girls, this makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time! I'm so so so ridiculously hungry! After I finish a meal, I'm only full for about five minutes and then I start getting hungry again. Seriously! All day I've been trying to eat when I'm hungry, but it's so difficult when I feel hungry enough to eat a full meal every single second. I'm okay with taking in the extra cals, surprisingly, because I know my body needs it for a reason. BUT in order to keep me from eating everything in the house I've been distracting myself by playing cello, doing puzzles, and reading, which kind of works. But as soon as I'm done my hunger comes back. I feel sort of better knowing that my metabolism is probably burning up right now though :] And thank you all for your reassurance.

The other day I mentioned that I would be baking muffins this weekend using one of food bloggers' favorite products. I woke up really early this morning so I had time. We've had this box of PB Puffins sitting in the pantry for a really long time, so I wanted to use them up and buy a fresh box today. And we also had a lot of apples. So, without further ado, I give you: apple-Peanut Butter Puffin muffins!
  • 1 1/4 c flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp nutmeg
  • 1/2 c brown sugar
  • 1 heaping cup applesauce
  • 1 small apple, finely diced
  • 1 egg
  • 1 c PB puffins, slightly crushed
  1. Sift together flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg.
  2. In a smaller bowl, combine the brown sugar, applesauce, egg, and apple. Stir the wet ingredients into the dry. Stir in the Puffins.
  3. Scoop into 10 greased muffin tins.
  4. Bake at 350 for 22-25 minutes.
Heehh I'm so proud of myself. The puffins actually dissolve when the muffins are cooked fully and just give a touch of peanut-buttery sweetness. I think next time, I'll either add more puffins, crush them less, or add a couple tbs of peanut butter to get a stronger PB taste. But these are very moist and the chunks of apple are nice.

I also had an apple with cheese. Anddd a bowl of oats topped with Honey nut cheerioes (new obsession), bluebs, and PB. Simple and delicious.

Then I went off to ballet. It went well! I think all this extra food is making me much more positive! I was sort of expecting that ED would start going off about how I've gained tons and tons of weight from eating when I'm hungry, but he didn't. And I saw myself as how I really look. So yay! We went to the mall for lunch (arg! hate fast food.) and I went to Maui Tacos. As far as fast food goes, MT is pretty healthy. I got the vegetarian bowl, which was: brown rice, lettuce, homemade salsa, black beans, and guacamole. I ate all but the chips.

Then I went to Trader Joe's, yayz! It was really crowded today and the lines were super long. And since TJ's has such fabulous customer service, they were giving out samples of chocolate chip almond cookies to everyone standing in line. I was ravenous, so of course I had to have one and they're delish! No pic, sorry. When I got home, I had a NP granola bar and some TJ's japanese rice snacks and counted it (except I didn't count) towards lunch. The rice snacks are made of puffed mochi rice and are covered with a sweet-salty soy coating. They're really good. Crunch crunch.

For my actual snack, I had a micro'd apple dipped in sunflower seed butter and two multi grain rice cakes w/ melted cheese. I picked the SSB up at Trader Joe's today and I quite like it. It taste similar to PB, but not as sweet. It's hard to describe, it has a darker, more complex flavor than PB.

For dinner, I made pasta faggioli. This was amazing even though it turned out like stew. I think next time I'll use a lot less water. I also had peas!

The lovely Kailey tagged me to show my favorite spring fashion.
I don't possess a great sense of style, like some of you. I like spring fashion though, because it gives me lots of opportunity to wear girl patterns, namely florals and paisley! I love watches, little drop earrings, and pretty purses. I like to wear pastel button-ups, as well as flowy blouses. I also wear a lot of white because it's fresh and pure like spring! I made the bracelet on the bottom for NEDAW after I ran out of purple shirts! It's just a simple Chinese staircase. NEDAW is almost over, but I think I'll wear this bracelet forever! Now I tag the following bloggers to do their own spring fashion posts:
Lastly, Jemima, Morgan, Sophia and Mel tagged me with this award. I feel so loved, thank you girls!
I wish I could pass this award on to all of you, but that would take waayyy too long. So, this time, I choose Mel, Erin ,Fay ,Emily.

I have something to talk about but this has been a really long post, so I'll save it for tomorrow. Nighty night!


Anonymous said...

LOVE all of your eats. the rice dish looks awesome.

Stay strong - just keep reminding yourself your nourishing your body! Im sure everything will return back to normal very soon.

love the purse you picked :)

tinyirishdancer said...

I'm so proud of you for keeping up with your hunger!! It's terrifying, I know, but you're handling it beautifully. =]

Weird. I also had a muffin with my brekkie (lovin' the recipe, btw! When I've noshed through my banana ones, I'll have to try it) AND a field day at SOOPER crowded TJ's today!

Odd coincidink. o.O

Gotta love that store. They have the bestest stuff. =D

And you're welcome for the award - you deserve it muchly!

<3 ya, girlie! Hope you're having a lovely evening. <3

Anonymous said...

*passes out and re-gains conciousness*

Jess :) said...

Cute clothes! Your foodies sound and look amazing! I esp. love your muffins. I need to buy some of those Peanut butter Puffins! Mmm...I think your body is trying to tell yourself something! It is very hungry obviously and is saying FOOD and I think you should listen. Which you already pretty much are so YAY! Your metabolism is probably through the roof right now. No need to deny it :) Have a GREAT night!
<3 jess :)

P.S Did you ever ask that girl in your orchestra why she was wearing purple?

Sharon said...

Oh Kiki, you are so cute! Congratulations on the award! And oh my gosh, you are my hero. Puffins in a muffin? DUDE, SO COOL. I want one, please. Actually, a dozen.

Laci said...

Cooleo muffins Kiki, I am so proud, my little baker is expanding beyond my basic fruit-nut-choc.chip little ideas, sigh. ;) Wowza you are one little hungery girl, but everything is so nutrituos and yummy you don't have to feel bad one but, that's part of the "fun" of recovery, us that point when you're REALLY taking that step up, letting go of "unhealthy" habbits and dumping counting, binging or resticting. I am SO proud of you! lovelie spring fashions, I especially like the blouse. Enjoy your sunday love! I will E-mail you ASAP but I am drained in HW so I need to stop procrastinating on the computer! :0

Lauryn said...

kiki! good for you for looking in the mirror and seeing yourself through YOUR eyes, truthful eyes, instead of ED's eyes! such a powerful feeling!

looks like you had an amazingly delicious day! from muffins to TJ's, love it all. youre doing a fantastic job of keeping up with healthy habits =)


Anonymous said...

Loving your eats!
Don't worry about eating more than usual because you're at that TEEN-age when your body craves A LOT of food. You're simply growing! ;] Lucky you because I wish I could get taller.

Tiny Tina. said...

Hi, I'm Tina and I've come across your blog a few times. I'm in recovery after over 4 years with an ED and I've found your blog to be insightful, inspiring and the food pictures are mighty orgasmic looking xD
The recipes you use look amazing!
And I'd just like to say that your recent entries about how hungry you've been and honoring your hunger put a huge smile on my face!
Today I let myself have some treats while I was at a festival - some organic chocolate almonds,3 mini churros and half a choc-covered pretzel! I was incredibly anxious about all this "unhealthy" food I let myself have on a whim but you know what? I eat "healthy" 80 % of the time, I felt like a nice chocolate hit and I let myself have it. And BOY, did it feel good! You're nourishing your body with regular healthy and yummy foods and it is thanking your right now by speeding that metabolism up! =D
Oh and I added you to my blogroll if ya don't mind. =)
Keep smilin'!

Brooke said...

kiki! i love that we are both continuing to eat intuitively becuase i can relate to what your feeling right now. its scary because i have to learn to trust myself and my body! i go through the same thing - hungry after a meal [for me its usually an hour] so i have been increasing my meals with more protein. ive also started drinking more water because sometimes hunger can be confused as dehydration. but please listen to your body! the sooner you give into your needs - the sooner ed will escape.

i also felt the same revelation yesterday in yoga. i actually felt very content with the extra few pounds that i have gained! [i have a long way to go!] but its a start. and i think the reason being is that we dont feel so confined, restricted and so ''ed'' so keep on nourishing your body and loving yourself!

puffin muffins!? oh my goodness i must make these. you know how much i love puffins :) and i also love honey nut o's. great topping to oats too!

ii hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend beautiful! i <3 you. and im so so proud of you for everything.

aussirish said...

hi hun
im so proud of you for honouring
your hunger and going with it and it seems to have revved up your metab loads too!
and thats great u enjoyed ballet and saw the real kiki :) not eds distorted perception.
have a great night,
love you
ps. wow those muffins sound sooo good!

Maya said...

puffin muffins! so creative. yum!
i just bought trader O's cheerio cereal i love cheerio type cereal cant wait to have a bowl of it:)

keep up listening to your hunger,it is so important for you right now.

Anonymous said...

hhah i just had cheerios on my oatsss :) and pb and banana. i think we were on the same wavelength except bluebs and bananas got muddled in translation. thanks for tagging me in those 2 things! IVE NEVER HAD AN AWARD BEFORE YAYAY haha i don't really understand the spring thing though i can't find an explanation of it anywhere, what do i have to do? is it post photos of what you are going to be wearing in spring or what you WANT to wear in spring? lol. loveey ou!! xxxx

Anonymous said...

I always loooove your baking creations.

Good job on listening to your hunger cues.

Nomnomy foodies you have.
Have a great Sunday!

Pammy said...

I love all of your eats. Those muffins look delish- i am probably going to make them today.

i am really proud of you for listening to your hunger. you are doing an amazing job

Breaking Free said...

Ohhhh Kiki I just want to give you a hug right now!! You are doing so good and I am so glad that you are honoring your hunger and that ED has not been bothering you! I also am struggling with wanting to eat more. Seriously, after I finish a meal I am STILL hungry. Since I'm not quite as strong as you yet I just plan bigger calorie-dense meals that will fill me up instead of eating more LIKE I SHOULD.

Those muffins are like, amazing. You seriously have so much talent!
Love and hugs girl!

Burp and Slurp~! said...

hee hee, enjoy your award, you totally deserve it! and you won it FOUR times WOW!
And response to what you said: "I think all this extra food is making me much more positive!" I was SO happy to read this, I almost jumped up for a dance! this is SUCH a huge leap from ED and SUCH a positive thinking, I just want to say you are TOTALLY recovered, girl!
and as usual, your eats are amazing.
oh, and YAY for better metabolism! think of it this way: would you rather be STUFFED and UNCOMFORTABLE all the time and dread mealtimes, or anticipate and really enjoy your meals?

emily. said...

Congrats on the award and thanks for the award! :)

Way to go metabolism!

Your muffins look so tasty. I love how innovative you are- who would have thought of Apple Peanut Butter Puffin Muffins? They sound (and look) delicious.

There's something about Cheerios that makes the world a brighter place. They make me smile.

Your dinner looks super tasty! I'm going to try that recipe. :)

Have a great rest of the night!

CaSaundraLeigh said...

I am dying to try these muffins! They look devine =) I added them to my list of things to make when I go home for spring break! Thanks so much for sharing your genius recipes

Jemima said...

So proud that you're honouring your hunger. I know it's so scary - I go through stages like that too, in fact, I'm in one right now *groans* but you are coping marvellously. I hate not being able to think of anything but food - I always used to think that once I started eating adequate cals I would think LESS about food because my body would be full and nourished.. turns out I'm just more starving! Poo. One thing I would ask is are you at a healthy BMI for your height? If not it might be your bodies way of telling you to push that little bit further because it's close to health but not quite 'there.'

Jemima said...

I meant to add - because even when we're not starving ourselves on a day to day basis, if our bodies are underweight then psychologically we are still 'starving,' even if our diets are OK.

just me said...

love all the eats and great job following your hunger signals! that's an excellent job!

and that recipe sounds fab!

Gaby said...

Hey Kiki! How are you? You are too cute with your creative recipes and girly clothes. I love flowery spring clothes! I just bought the prettiest dress last week that I would post if I had a blog.
Also, Sunflower seed butter is prob one of my faves, along with cashew. I just bought cashew a few days ago :D
I need to really get on track with intuitive eating, I always start off strong then get stressed (like this last week) and start logging like crazy, but you're truly inspiring so I'm going to do it starting today because I went to an all you can eat brunch buffet and have no idea how much I ate or how they made things anyways, but I do know that my dad laughed at me for going back so many times.
Yay for health!!!
You are beautiful and do not forget it!!!

Pammy said...

Thanks for posting the muffin recipe. I decided to make them today and I am really looking forward to having one for brekky tomorrow