Sunday, February 15, 2009


Evening, chicas! I though my cold or whatever I had on Friday had gone away, but today it's back and 20 times worse! I have a fever of 102, runny nose, sore throat, aching muscles and a headache. Also, whenever I look up or to the side, my eyes hurt. I've been scaring myself by looking at and convincing myself that I have periorbital cellulitis. Thankfully I have the day off tomorrow to recover.

Okay, so I have a problem I need to share. I gained weight on 3300+ calories, and I had to clean my plate at each meal to get enough food in every day. I couldn't leave the crusts of bread or scraps of a casserole, because I needed every calorie I could get and I was afraid that ED was telling me to save calories that way. But now, I can't get out of the mentality that I need to finish everything put out in front of me. Even if I'm really full, even if I don't like the food that much, I make myself finish all my food. I guess it's partially because I'm scared I'll get hungry, partially because I don't want to give ED a chance to butt in again, and partially because it's just a habit that I learned from 6 months of weight gain. But I want it to stop! I can't convince myself to do the "stop eating when you're full" thing. Any advice?

For breakfast, had an apple, plus this grilled CC and applesauce sammich.
Then a bowl of oatmeal topped with PB puffins, dark choco chips and raspberries. Yum-o! Actually, forget I said that because I can't stand Rachel Ray.

I didn't take a picture of my AM snack because it was just orange juice. I was really lazy for lunch so I ate the lunch I brought to school on Friday but never ate. It was a Pb sammich (I grilled it, of course), apple and carrots, a Zbar, and a Siggi's orange ginger yogurt. I quite liked the yogurt! Not overly sweet, just a hint of orange taste, with nice chunks of ginger throughout. Also a very nice thick texture.
This lunch was an example of not being able to stop after I feel full. I don't have much of an appetite and the yogurt made my stomach hurt, but I kept eating it anyway. Ugh ED is making me feel like a pig for this right now.

For my snack I wanted something to make my throat feel better. So I topped some strawberry Haagen Dazs sorbet with half a banana, and ate the other half on the side. I ate it in bed and it made me feel much better! Btw, the sorbet was really really good. I also had some unpictured PB puffins.

For dinner, I made chickpea peanut stew again. I think this is the third time I've made this and it's definitely one of my favorite recipes! All PB fans would love it. Didn't have any red pepper or zucchini so I just tossed in a few handfuls of spinach.
I also had a string cheese that I'm counting as part of dinner.

Sigh, I have quite a lot of snacking to do tonight. Still under calories by a lot.

Hope you all enjoyed your Sundays! And enjoy your day off tomorrow, US girls!


ChocolateCoveredVegan said...

Oh Kiki, I am so sorry! Please feel better soon! It sucks to be sick, and you're too sweet to deserve it!

Anonymous said...

feel better :)

what might help is using smaller plates, and filling half of the plate with veggies that way it looks like your eating a lot. If worse comes to worse you can always save the food!

do you know why they are discontinuing my beloved nectar bars? haha

Sharon said...

I hope everything turns out okay Kiki! Hang in there.

And are those cute toe socks I see there? =D

Laci said...

Ooo hon, I'm sorry you're feeling ill! Great eats today... I hear you about sometimes not wanting to stop eating... I let my self do that a bit but then I don't FORCE my slef to eat when I'm not hungry or really full. It's all about learning to listen to youur body, which should eventually end up in mantianing, but since we need to gain, we should push ourselves a little further... Hope you have a reelaxing night, YEA for the break!!! :D

tinyirishdancer said...

Aw hun, I hope you feel bettah ASAP!

Your pictures are lovely. And your bedspread is so cute! Lovin the colors. =]

Mhmm. Your post made me hungry.

<3 ya, girlie! Take care of yourself, mhmk?

*trots off to cook din din*

P.S. I'll send you an email tonight or tomorrow morning regarding the added foodage =]

Anonymous said...

Aw I hope you feel better!! I'm a total hypochondriac and ALWAYS convince myself that I have some horrible disease when it's just allergies or something.

I love your bedspread - so colorful!!

Lyssy said...

Aw! I hope you feel better soon!

All of your sammichs look so good, they make me drool. :)

Haha, I hate Rachael Ray too. She annoys the heck out of me.

Juliet said...

I hope you feel better soon! Being sick is not fun. :(

emily. said...

Eeep! Sorry you're still sick! Feel better soon! <3

Love your toe socks! That sorbet is making me mighty hungry. Have you ever tried the mango kind? Its soooo good.

Your sammies always look so tasty! I think you have unfair sandwich making talent! I wish to steal it from you. :P

Have a great rest of the day. (: Take care!

Jess :) said...

I am so sorry you are sick! Thanks stinks :( Feel better soon. About that "have to finish" mentality maybe eat slower and try to savor your food. Although I know you said you can't stop eating when you're full, maybe you can't right now. But I bet you will be able to. It takes time and practice. One of these days you are going to be able to stop. I know you will be able to! I sometimes struggle with this so you are not alone. Great foodies and I just had the mango sorbet. It's incredible! Feel better luv :)
<3 jess :)

Anonymous said...

YIKES! This post is really scary for me...I've always been afraid of this. I feel like once I start eating more I won't want to stop and now it's happening to you. =( Sorry I have no advice.

OOO I'm loving that chickpea stew!

Breaking Free said...

Hey, sorry that you are sick and thank you for the sweet comments as always.
I also have the same problem. When I was in the EDU they would make us finish every last scrap, scrape the PB containers clean and make sure we left nothing behind. It is a little annoying now that I feel like I HAVE to finish everything. Whenever I eat apples now sometimes I end up almost consuming the core!! Ick!!
Anways, I guess I just have the same mentality because I feel guilty that if I don't eat it all I am succumbing to my ED. Plus my mom gets all weirdy paranoid.
Sometimes I try to leave little bits behind just to reassure myself that it's okay.
I don't really have any sound advice, but I'll try. Maybe just look at your total calorie allotment for the day and rationalize that you will not lose weight if you leave a few scraps behind.
Hope this gets better for you, but look on the bright side. At least you have the healthy mentality that you want to keep your ED away and you want to stay healthy and respect your body.

Sandy said...

I guess it depends on if you're still trying to gain weight or not. If you know you need the calories, then don't feel guilty. If you're trying to maintain, and have been with your current eating habits, then you should be fine. Just fill your plate with however much you're comfortable with so if you finish it you know you haven't you've had too much. And remind yourself that you're a growing girl and you need the fuel. ;)

Brooke said...

oh no! i hope you feel better! rest up tomorrow with tea, dvds and soup.

i dont have any advice because i [like you] finish everything on my plate because i hate to. but maybe you could only plate half of your serving? like pasta for instance. and then if you feel like you are still hungry you can re-plate the rest? but i think ultimately it will just take time and learning to eat intuitively. hang in there love - you are doing so well :)

mmm strawberry sorbet and bananas! two of my favorite foods together - im in love. i hope you dont mind if i copy you! amd i appreciate the siggi's review. im slowly starting to incorporate dairy yogurt into my diet and i have been wanting to try this brand. it sounds delicious!

sweet dreams! love you <3

nourishing mornings said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nourishing mornings said...

i have the same problem i finish everything on my plate no matter what i guess its from being in treatment centers where they practically make you lick the butter packets and eat every last grain of rice so i am so used to needing to finish that i always eat every last morsel. sorry no good advice but maybe its a good thing that you do this so ed has no excuse to not finish i find ed telling me not to finish something or to throw it away so i fight these urges and always eat everything,

love all your grilled sammies im so jealous i want a panini press! and the sorbet with nana yum! love you loads!

cosmicwild said...

omg you poor bubbleee :( (haha idk why i keep calling people odd things at the moo)
hopfully your be on the mend soon enough because being all sicky is well badd :(
OMGG im soo glad someone else knows what i meen, i have that thing aswell that i have to finish everything! i meen sometimes im so stuffed but i just like have to finihs it, i think i learnt it when i was in hospital and its a bad habit now and coz i dont realy snack i dont want to be hungry in like an hour so i finish it all then feel realy rough for ages,
duno if thats the same? aha sorry im woffling againnn
your orange ginger yoghurt sounded well lush by the wayy :)

but all in all dont worry because your amazing and doing well good like!


Maya said...

i have a hard time eating when iam full..ed tells me not to if iam not hungry..i get full quite easily and its hard. food is medicine!
love you great eats!

Anonymous said...

I hope you feel better fast!

I still eat everything on my plate. It's the only way I'd get enough calories. If I only ate when I was hungry and stopped right when I was full, I wouldn't be eating enough. I'd shrivel up and die. So, I guess I don't have any helpful advice for you...just letting you know I can sort of relate.

aussirish said...

heya girlie
aw get better soon. love the toesies socks :) so cute!
i wish i cud help with the stoping when you fel full but im struggling with intuitive eating myself.
have a great week off :)
love you

Burp and Slurp~! said...

ack! it sucks being sick! I hope you get well soon!
I totally cracked up when I saw your adorable socks! I love those socks with the individual toes!
and as for the eating till full thing...are you still on weight-gain mode? if you are, you may still want to finish your whole plate...but just like you forced yourself to finish, once you want to maintain you'll need to force yourself to stop when you're full. then it'll soon be habitual, like you've developed a habit finishing your plate!

Mel said...

aw girl, i'm so sorry that you're sick!! feel better!! in terms of the cals thing, I would try scaling back the portions by just a little bit, and eating something small every few hours so you never get SUPER hungry. PS, i am LOVING the toe socks!!

Nutritious is Delicious said...

Wow....I want all of your eats!! I hope you feel better. Being sick is NO FUN!!