The gorillas are talented because I'm pretty sure that there are no figs to be found in tropical forests, so they must have been produced by magic!
Thank you all for the tremendous amount of support you gave me on my post yesterday! Starting intuitive eating and quitting calorie counting has been the biggest ED-bashing step I've taken so far, and it means the world to me to have people encouraging my positivity and reassuring me. And I'm glad you all liked my diary entry, it was sort of a challenge to post something so personal.
Oh and I got a comment from an anonymous commenter asking how I quit binging last year. The answer is that I quit binging as by starting restricting. I was always used to being kind of small and so I was really upset over the decent amount of weight I had gained from my binges. So that's when my restrictive diet began, and before I knew it I was only eating a tiny amount of food and couldn't convince myself to start eating more. You know how it goes. So, I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for combating binging, but don't try restricting instead! Bad idea!
Today has been rather difficult. I've been really energetic and positive all day today, probably due to all the extra food yesterday. But I've also been so amazingly hungry! I feel hungrier than I think I ever have in my life. It's killing me, because while I've been honoring my hunger and eating what I'm craving, ED is telling me that I'm eating a ridiculous amount of food and I'm going to binge and gain a bunch of weight again. Today in between meals and snacks, I've had an apple with cheese, lots of handfuls of assorted cereals, PB, dark chocolate, and walnuts. I just finished dinner and I'm still hungry. I'm scared, what's wrong with me? Is it possible for your metabolism to speed up a lot after just one day of eating more than usual? I'd really like to believe that, because ED is freaking out right now by telling me that all this intuitive eating is going to make me blow up overnight. I'd really appreciate some insight on this.
For my usual bowl of oatmeal today, I was in sort of a rush and just threw on some random toppings. They ended up being a crumbled graham cracker, bluebs, and dark chocolate chips.
Snack was almonds, of course. We had a half-day at school today so the teachers could work on our interims. I came home and made myself a grilled pesto, spinach and mashed black bean sammich. It was delish. I also had a minneola, NP granola bar, and a Stoneyfield Farm strawberry yogurt.
Fay suggested that I curl up in a pillow nest with a mug of hot chocolate to watch one of my favorite movies. That's exactly what I did, and I'm so glad I did! It provided some much needed relaxation. Bonus points to whoever can guess the movie!
I used ghiradelli dark chocolate hot cocoa mix, made with milk. Liquid calories have progressively become more and more of a fear food since I quit drinking Boost. So I challenged ED today and had the cocoa (topped with whipped cream!) and it was amazing. I also had popcorn, because what's a movie without popcorn?
Tonight for dinner, I made cheese grits souffle. Whenever my mom sees me looking at recipes she starts going blah blah blah, grits blah blah blah yummy blah blah. I think she's mentioned them enough so I finally made some! Grits aren't really a Maryland thing but oh well. This was pretty good, but it didn't rise properly. It reminded me of polenta so obviously I had to like it haha.
I had seconds... and also a salad made with lettuce/spinach, black beans, carrots (I know I know!!), and papaya poppyseed dressing.
If you haven't already, make sure you enter Katie's Jocalat bar giveaway! I make CCV's recipes all the time, but for the sake of getting three extra entries I'll show you a pic tonight :] I made vegan yogurt, using 1/2 a banana and 1 tbs cocoa powder. It's not overly sweet, but I'm a fan of raw cocoa so it works for me! Here it is, in it's tupperwared glory
That's all for now! Good night, sleep tight!