1. If you were on your deathbed (grusome, I know) and could eat one food before you died, what would it be?
Definitely chocolate. My favorite kind is extra dark, and it would be my dream to find some with figs in it! Eating chocolate seriously improves my mood, must be all those endorphins. I think it would be nice if I could have one last sliver of happiness before I passed on.
2. Who is one person (dead or alive) that you truly admire and why?
My cello teacher. I don't talk about her very much on here because she doesn't know about the blog and I'd feel weird blogging about her a lot. But she's my mentor. She struggled with depression when she was my age, so she can relate a lot to the feelings of hopelessness that I have now. I talk to her more than my therapist, haha, and she always has really useful advice for combating ED even though she has never had one herself. After I told her that I'd been diagnosed with anorexia, she told me that she was afraid I'd waste away and it broke my heart! Also, she has a very carpe diem attitude. She's trying to experience everything that she can right now so she can look back on her life later and realize that she's accomplished everything that she's ever wanted to do.
3. If you could pick on animal that resembles you (not physically) what would it be and why?
Hm, probably a sea otter! I like to think that I'm clever, curious, and cunning (alliteration!) like otters are. Otters often slide down snow/ice slopes just for fun, and lately I've been trying to "live life to the fullest" and do things for sheer enjoyment. Plus, otters are really active I'm always very bouncy and hyper and can barely contain myself in my seat!
4. What is your favorite possession that you just could never live without?
My cello! Playing music is very therapeutic for me. I'm writing a poem on this for school, so this is very fresh in my mind! Obviously, I don't enjoy myself too much when I'm playing etudes or scales, or anything else boring like that. This will sound lame but when I master a piece, a wave of bliss washes over me. It's so surreal, I feel like I've left my body and just get wrapped up in the sound of my playing.
5. What is your favorite quote/anecdote/song lyrics/poem/etc.? What attracts you so much to this?
My favorite quote, by Helen Keller: When one door closes, another opens. But often we look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.
This is true for many aspects of my life. Pre-ED, and sometimes now, I would get so upset over something like being second chair in orchestra that it was all that I could think of, and I missed so many opportunities to improve myself while wallowing in my self pity. And now that I do have an ED, I'm so concerned with losing ED and not having an identity without it that I'm missing a lot of chances to rediscover the real me. Lately I've been so convinced that I shouldn't have ever gained that weight and I shouldn't have made all that mental progress, because now I've almost lost ED, the only thing in my life that I feel really cares about me and pushes me to be perfect. Even if he does push me to be perfect in terms of losing weight, at least I'm getting attention for something. But now I'm realizing that I need to change, I need to escape this anorexic mindset! Now that I don't have this second conscience sitting on my shoulder telling me to restrict and lose weight constantly, I have so many opportunities to define who Kiki really is. I must have felt my life was worth something more than being "perfectly" thin before this disorder, so I need to use how far I've come to my advantage and uncover that again.
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Okay, now breakfast wasn't too special. The only thing I took a pic of was my oats. My toppings were freeze dried nanners (all gone!), the last two strawberries in the box, and some flaked coconut. Yummers.
In gym today we had to run the mile, blech. Usually I get tired easily and walk, and end up getting like 13 minutes. But today, I felt really strong and energetic so I got 9:27! I know it's nothing compared to the runners on here who run miles every day, but I feel accomplished. I was hungry and weak after I ran, so I ate this and it was okay.
Then lunch was boring, but I took a picture for you anyway. It's a PB sammich, carrots, a TLC bar, and a Wallaby down under yogurt. Normally I don't like Wallaby because it's "thick and creamy" Australian style is actually quite runny. But this kind was really yummy and thick, and I loved the gobs of fruit on the bottom. This was a new product at Whole Foods.
For my snack today, I had a sandwich thin grilled with 2 slices of mozarella and some applesauce. I love this combo! Also almonds and carrots. I'm pretty sure that my hands are turning orange from all this vitamin a!
Dinner was quinoa with sauteed apples and almonds. I like quinoa way more than rice, and it cooks faster too. I've had this recipe before, but not since I started the blog, and it's great. I used 2 tbs EVOO and 1/4 cup chopped almonds instead of slivered.
I now see that ED has decieved me into thinking this is enough for dinner. I shall now go eat some dried figs and string cheese.
Sorry for the huge post! Sleep tight pretties!