Thank you all for the tremendous amount of support you gave me on my post yesterday! Starting intuitive eating and quitting calorie counting has been the biggest ED-bashing step I've taken so far, and it means the world to me to have people encouraging my positivity and reassuring me. And I'm glad you all liked my diary entry, it was sort of a challenge to post something so personal.
Oh and I got a comment from an anonymous commenter asking how I quit binging last year. The answer is that I quit binging as by starting restricting. I was always used to being kind of small and so I was really upset over the decent amount of weight I had gained from my binges. So that's when my restrictive diet began, and before I knew it I was only eating a tiny amount of food and couldn't convince myself to start eating more. You know how it goes. So, I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for combating binging, but don't try restricting instead! Bad idea!
Today has been rather difficult. I've been really energetic and positive all day today, probably due to all the extra food yesterday. But I've also been so amazingly hungry! I feel hungrier than I think I ever have in my life. It's killing me, because while I've been honoring my hunger and eating what I'm craving, ED is telling me that I'm eating a ridiculous amount of food and I'm going to binge and gain a bunch of weight again. Today in between meals and snacks, I've had an apple with cheese, lots of handfuls of assorted cereals, PB, dark chocolate, and walnuts. I just finished dinner and I'm still hungry. I'm scared, what's wrong with me? Is it possible for your metabolism to speed up a lot after just one day of eating more than usual? I'd really like to believe that, because ED is freaking out right now by telling me that all this intuitive eating is going to make me blow up overnight. I'd really appreciate some insight on this.
For my usual bowl of oatmeal today, I was in sort of a rush and just threw on some random toppings. They ended up being a crumbled graham cracker, bluebs, and dark chocolate chips.
Snack was almonds, of course. We had a half-day at school today so the teachers could work on our interims. I came home and made myself a grilled pesto, spinach and mashed black bean sammich. It was delish. I also had a minneola, NP granola bar, and a Stoneyfield Farm strawberry yogurt.
Fay suggested that I curl up in a pillow nest with a mug of hot chocolate to watch one of my favorite movies. That's exactly what I did, and I'm so glad I did! It provided some much needed relaxation. Bonus points to whoever can guess the movie!
I used ghiradelli dark chocolate hot cocoa mix, made with milk. Liquid calories have progressively become more and more of a fear food since I quit drinking Boost. So I challenged ED today and had the cocoa (topped with whipped cream!) and it was amazing. I also had popcorn, because what's a movie without popcorn?Tonight for dinner, I made cheese grits souffle. Whenever my mom sees me looking at recipes she starts going blah blah blah, grits blah blah blah yummy blah blah. I think she's mentioned them enough so I finally made some! Grits aren't really a Maryland thing but oh well. This was pretty good, but it didn't rise properly. It reminded me of polenta so obviously I had to like it haha.
I had seconds... and also a salad made with lettuce/spinach, black beans, carrots (I know I know!!), and papaya poppyseed dressing.
If you haven't already, make sure you enter Katie's Jocalat bar giveaway! I make CCV's recipes all the time, but for the sake of getting three extra entries I'll show you a pic tonight :] I made vegan yogurt, using 1/2 a banana and 1 tbs cocoa powder. It's not overly sweet, but I'm a fan of raw cocoa so it works for me! Here it is, in it's tupperwared glory
That's all for now! Good night, sleep tight!
17 comments:
forget blogger of the day... you're blogger of the year! Oh, ad I've entered you four times :o) :o)
Hmm. As YOU'VE been getting hungrier, I'VE been getting hungrier, too. o.O
I definitely think that, even in later stages of recovery, metabolism revving is definitely possible. I know that I've kept myself at a calorie level that, while it isn't "starvation", isn't where it should be. Now that I'm eating more, I've noticed that my metabolism seems to be getting back to where it used to be.
Perhaps, because you've been eating "inside the lines" for so long, your metabolism is doing a vroomvroom too. =D
I swear, your foodage is making me drool.
Ahh, hot cocoa. I should get me some of that. ;]
And Ghiradelli is the best kind! Have you been to San Francisco? There's an area there called Ghiradelli Square that has a once-a-year chocolate festival. ZOMFG.
It.is.uhmazing.
Yeeps. Liquid calories are a tad scary for me too, so I always try to have them in something every day.
Chai tea is my poison. =D
Oh! I foundja on Facebook, btw. All my DC pictures are there in my albums. =]
Have a lovely Friday night - take care, sweetie! <3's!!
oh goodness! love love loveee pesto.
im sure your hunger is due to your metabolism increasing. If you body feels hungry - fuel it because its telling you that it needs nutrients :) don't let ED get you down!
have a great night
I need that pudding, along with the pillow nest, and I'm set for the night!
I don't know much about the metabolism, so I'm sorry I cannot answer that Kiki.
But I just wanted to say that, I'm in love with your eats. Chocolate - mmmm.
It's definitely possible for your metabolism to speed up after eating more in one day. I've actually learned this in my nutrition class I took last term. Because in order to digest food, our body uses energy (hence speeds up metabolism).
Don't worry girl! because you need those energy and yummy food ;)
I'm so happy for you that you were able to kick that ED's butt and have that yummy choco milk!
i'd suggest to the anonymous commenter inquiring about how to stop binging that they make sure they're getting in enough calories otherwise. binging can happen for many reasons emotional but also physical. if somebody is eating less than what their body needs it can often result in binges, seems kind of logical but. making sure i was getting at least X number minimum calories was terrifying but absolutely helped me stop b/p.. and just general trying to become aware of why you're binging-- boredom, sadness, loneliness whatever.
p.s AMELIE!!! gahhh i LOVE that movie haha i even went out to buy it today but they didn't have it where i went *sad*
all i have to say is- :)!
love you!
hi hun
im sooo proud of you! eating intuitivly and nourishing yourself accoring to your hunger is such a great step in the right direction! your an inspiration to me kiki :)
it sounds like your metabolism is definetly speeding up to me!
great eats as always
have a wonderful night hun
love you
xxxx
you should be proud for nourishing your body and intuitively giving it what its asking for...its trying to tell you something wwith these hunger signs. maybe it is your metabolism or perhaps you have lost a bit of weigh and you need more..who knows? i got more hungry when i started giving myy body more after restricting and over ecersiseing..now ima not hungry because ive decreased my cals. you should continue honoring your body and see how you feel in a few days.
much love!
love the hot cocoa!
That pudding looks delish as do the rest of your eats. liquid calories are scary for me too. But hot cocoa sounds amazing. I am really proud of your for having that. Keep challenging yourself and Ed will be history. Hang in there girlie
i know exactly how you're feeling.. a couple days ago i ate more than usual and yesterday my tummy was hungry all the time! but that's because our body needs more food..i guess. yesterday i end up my day feeling really fool and today its been such an hard day, ed don't let me alone :s it really sucks!!
anyway, we have to move on right? :)
have a nice saturday! kiss <3<3
I am in LOVE with that mousse. I must make it! Now! (OK it's 3 in the afternoon but who's looking? haha)
I'm so proud of you for starting intuitive eating yet still managing to see food as medicinal.. I think it is possible your metabolism could be revving up.. Keep going, Kiki, you're doing so well.
you know why you're getting hungrier? because everything you eat is just so darn GOOD! cheese grits souffle? how amazing art thou?
but...a HUGE congrats on breaking those ED habits...you're totally kicking him RIGHT where it hurts!
your metabolism is definitely speeding up because of the extra food you're giving it! this happened to me too when i started increasing my intake-- you're also actually choosing to FEEL your hunger now by eating intuitively rather than ignoring it like when you were restricting. Don't worry, it'll all balance out-- somedays we're just hungrier than others based on a ton of different factors, like time of month, what kind of foods you're eating, how much activity you're getting, etc etc. Hang in there with it! PS-- I LOVE Amelie!!!
Heyy Kiki!
Wowza thanks for the e-mail darlin! It was so thoughtful, kind hearted and well written it really made me feel loved! ;..)
I hear you about the eating... I was a restricter (the worst Sh*t of my life) and obviously I regret it, but then how do we become "normal" again. I believe it is about re-building your relationships, including the ones between others, but particularly the ones between food and your self. As said, I've been trying VERY hard to listen to my body rather than "plan and restrict" and though it is a huge challenge, I think we are noth becomig more sucessful by the day. If you visit Kath's blog, "Kath eats real food" you will find a post (about 3 days ago?) about a study done on these men who had a high caloric intake and a rapid metabolism, but then the scientists/doctors restricted their caloric intake to less then half, and they suffered similar side effects/consequences as someone with a restricting ED. When they were "re-fed" they ate so much they gained a couple pouds, but also their health and their metabolism back, which is vital in the long run. so even though it feels like we are eating down a house in only a matter of day,s we are benifiting our health and our recovery, so please don't feel guilty! :) also, you are one little creative oat maker! The next Lee or Shelby, perhaps? Haha, enjoy your day! lots of love, Laci ;)
mmmmmmmmmm POPCORNNNN MY FAVVVORITE
your oats are amazingg
as are you
and seriously.
whats with our hunger thing?!
grrrr..
i guess its good?!
think positive kiki!!!!
small should be good for you!!
aw you are so cute for wanting to order some boxers :)
yay!!
i LOVE grits.
down right comfort food.
mmmmmmm
now im hungry.
what should i have for dinner?!
:)
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