Dreary day

Buenas noches. Thanks for all the support regarding the comments I got yesterday. I'm not even really sad that L. isn't my friend anymore. She's so blase and doesn't have anything in common with me. I went to the mall with her once and we were trying on clothes. I asked if something looked good on me and she just shrugged her shoulders and texted someone else. Really. If she's not willing to work to be friends again, then fine, I'm better off without her!

I had a smaller breakfast than usual this morning. Size wise, not calorie wise I mean. I feel like if I eat calorie dense foods then I'll never be full, and I'm really scared of that. This morning I challenged myself to chocolate cafe crumble oats! T'is oats cooked in 1% milk with a spoon of vanilla creme coffee, topped with a TJ's cafe twist and dark chocolate chips. Yums. I only ever have coffee on Saturday mornings because I need it to get through a long ballet class. Otherwise I stick to tea. I was mighty jumpy after this oatmeal!
I also had a banana with PB, and it held me over perfectly. Haha, another one of ED's lies is proven to be false! I actually felt more full after eating this than I do when I eat one of my larger breakfasts.

Before I left for ballet I had almonds. Class went well, my muscles ache though. I feel like now that I'm allowed to exercise I should be doing some strength training. Not for ED's calorie burning purposes, I just want to dance as best as possible. Anyone have recommendations? Anyhow, there was barely any body checking during class today. I actually took the time to think of how much I appreciate by body for putting up with a dancer's workout. People who think ballet is a frilly sport have no idea! I know that if I was still emaciated and restricting, I wouldn't have enough energy to get through a class- I'd probably have to quit ballet in favor of keeping my disorder. Ballet is my passion though, and I would feel so empty without it. So today, I am thankful for having a healthy, strong, nourished body to help me do what truly makes me happy.

This is most definitely a repeat pic, but for lunch my mom dragged me to the mall so I was forced to eat there. I got a vegetarian bowl from Maui Tacos, which consisted of brown rice, black beans, guacamole, lettuce, and homemade salsa.

After the mall, I hit up my favorite store, Trader Joe's! My loot:
Clementines, bananas, a Z bar, garlic hummus, baked beans, Spanish white beans, whole wheat "British" muffins, Laughing Cow spreadable cheese wedges, 2 French Village yogurts, 1 pom. Greek yogurt, and high fiber fruit & nut medly cereal.

By the time I got home it was snack time. Who can guess what I had? Everyone. A british muffin with a laughing cow and applesauce, half a grapefruit, and PB. I love this snack because it's tasty, but also because I feel perfectly full after I eat it and so I don't think of food for hours on end.

Dinner featured one of my favorite grains, quinoa. I made lemon herb quinoa, and upped the OO to 2.5 tbs. I quite liked this, the lemon made it taste very fresh and all the herbs complemented eachother perfectly. I also had a Quorn cutlet cooked in olive oil and oregano and the other grapefruit half.

The weather was dreary and gray today, and I woke up with a mood to match it. I always feel at least slightly affected by ED everyday, but didn't feel triggered anymore than usual today which was nice. I'm just feeling really depressed and tired. Ballet was the highlight of my day, because dancing always makes me feel better. I was at the mall with my mom forever. She kept making me walk all around to look at random stuff, and I was already tired from ballet and didn't want to do anymore walking. I was on the verge of tears the entire time because I just wanted to go home and sleep for a really long time. By the time we did get home, I didn't want to sleep and instead opted for wallowing in my misery. That's always helpful, right? My sister wants to watch a movie with me tonight but I don't want to be around people right now. Everything is making me nervous and angry. Argg sorry for whining, I hope this is gone by tomorrow.

Goodnight, lovelies!

P.S. I finally updated my blogroll to add all the awesome blogs I've been reading lately. I tried to add all of you, but I most likely left a few bloggers out. If you don't see your blog on the list, just tell me and I'll add it!