Hola, mis amigas. Sorry for not posting yesterday. It was really rainy and windy (where is spring??) and my power got knocked out. Even though we have underground cables. I was sitting at the computer, typing a comment and the lights went out :[ They didn't come back on until 11 at night. So I'll probably post tomorrow night to make up for it. I am so glad it's Friday! This week seemed to stretch on forever. Probably because it's the week before the week before spring break and it always lasts forever. Sorry for not coming up with a new acronym, I'm so tired.
For breakfast among other things, I had oats topped with strawberries, dark choco chips, and HN cheerios. That seems to be the combo to turn to on school mornings.
Lunch was a PB+cran apple butter sammich, cauliflower, TJ's French Village yogurt, and a trek mix bar.
Ack! My afternoon snack was also typical. Whole wheat english muffin with mozarella (out of cottage!) cheese & applesauce, spoon of sunflower seed butter and strawberries. I seem to be in a food rut for every meal except dinner. But I honestly like what I eat..
Dinner was one of those challenge meals that I've been planning with my mom. She's trying to get my sister Allison to cook more, so Allison helped me make this. It's spaghetti pie from OK, So Now You're a Vegetarian. I don't use this cookbook much because I got it when I first went veg and was still dependent on a lot of cheese and eggs, versus fresh exotic veggie dishes. It does have some good recipes though. This was basically smart taste pasta with parmesan, then a layer of ricotta, then a layer of pasta sauce, and finally a layer of melted mozarella. So basically lasagna but with spaghetti. I had it with steamed spinach.
It was quite good! I'm okay with a sprinkle of cheese on my pasta, but having it in major amounts like this is a fear of mine. I reminded myself that non-ED people eat things much worse than this is restaurants without a second thought. I used to love things like this too. So I took a nice big slice and enjoyed every bite! Whoot!
For dessert/first part of PM snack I had a key lime pie Larabar. I like this flavor, but it never tastes like key lime pie to me. It always seems more coconut-ish? Anyway, it doesn't compare to apple pie!
Today was sort of rough for a Friday. At lunch I was sitting with my friend, L, and her best guy friend, M. L used to be my best friend, but of course once ED began I started isolating myself from everyone and we drifted apart. Now that I actually want friends again, I can't remember why I ever wanted to be L's friend in the first place. We've hung out a few times recently and we can't even keep a conversation. So actually, she's probably only my acquaintance now. She's one of the few people I've ever told about my ED, although I think most people know I have one based on how I looked last year. Anyway, M was being stupid and said "Dur hurrr how do I count calories?" I know he was just kidding, he doesn't give a crap about calories. Then L said "I dunno, ask Kiki." Then M said "Oh right, I should've known."
Infuriating! I was so upset that I got up and left the table. I've accepted that people are stupid when it comes to EDs and think they're just about counting calories and being skinny. I realize that they don't know when a comment like that could be triggering or hurtful. What bothers me is that I'm still thought of as the anorexic girl. When will I stop being seen as the calorie-counting one, and start being seen as Kiki? This. Ends. Now. I am so sick of being defined by my disorder. First I was doing it to myself, telling myself that I wasn't worth it if I didn't look "sick enough". Now I realize that people have been doing it to me for a year. I am finally starting to see who I am without my ED, and I'm ready for everyone else to see it too. From now on, I will not place my self-worth on what size I wear, what my BMI is, or how skinny I look. That's not how I want other people to see me, so I shouldn't see myself that way.
Mkayy now I'm going to go curl up with a nice cuppa' tea. Make sure to check out the Pure Bar Giveaway on Carrot 'n' Cake. Good night!