Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Late start

Ello poppets. Hope you're all had a nice Wednesday! I really felt like it was Friday and I almost cried when my friend told me that we still had two more days to go. I need to add something amusing to my weeks, they just drag on forever!

This morning I woke up approximately 15 minutes before I actually needed to leave for school. Stupid alarm clock didn't go off. So I got dressed and did my hair (read: ponytail) and practically ran downstairs to have breakfast! I remember that whenever I used to run late I would skip breakfast over doing my hair or something. But now I know that I can't get through my mornings without some foodie in mah bellay so I made time to eat breakfast. While getting my things ready, I wolfed down una manzana con queso and a Zbar.

In the car, I had an unpictured PB sammich. I wish that I could've made an egg or something for more protein but I had no time. This make-shift breakfast held me over pretty well.

Then AM snack was usual. As was lunch, but I have a picture anyway. T'is a sunflower seed butter sammich, cauliflower, Wallaby peach down under yogurt, and another Zbar. Heehh.

My afternoon snack consisted of cottage cheese + applesauce on an english muffin, PB, and a Zico coconut water. Every time I saw another blogger with this I would go "Where did you find that? I've been looking everywhere and I can't find it!" But then I looked in the juice aisle of Whole Foods and it was there. Duurrr. It was really good! Very refreshing and "clean" tasting, and not rich like coconut milk is. I'll definitely buy it again.

And din dins was 2 slices of whole foods 4-cheese pizza. It was nummikins, I like when I can detect different kinds of cheese besides mozzarella. On the side, I had a salad made of kale/iceberg, strawberries, feta, kalamata olives, and OO & vinegar. I love strawberries and feta! Raw kale is rather strange though.

Oh wait one more peekture. This is totally a recylced pic but on the way to orchestra I had toast with sunflower seed butter and HN Cheerios. My mom said "Why do you eat so much?" and it didn't bother me!

Like I mentioned above, my orchestra started again tonight. The first season was from sept.-december and we had a really long break so some kids could play in the all county/ all state orchestras. Tonight was the first rehearsal of our second season. It went well, we got some decent music but nothing too memorable. I actually talked to a new girl, which is very rare because I'm awful at socializing. And she didn't run away like I always think people will! I was also talking to one of my friends that I met in the younger orchestra last year. She was kind of poking fun at me because I turn pink really easily when I laugh or get nervous. It's so embarrasing! But anyway, she said "At least it's better than the gray color you were last year." I've never told her about my ED, but I think it would be hard to not notice how emaciated I looked. My usual excuse whenever people bring up how I looked last year is something along the lines of I did ballet four times a week, that's why I always looked so exhausted and sidetracked. I recited that again tonight and my friend said "Oh, so is that why you were so skinny?" This made me really uncomfortable. I just said yes, because I don't feel comfortable telling people I'm not close with about my ED. Of course, it made me happy to hear that all my hard work I put into losing weight paid off. But now I'm dismissing those thoughts.

On the car ride home I started to think about how far I've come since last year. I was still sitting in orchestra one night a week. Last year, I sat shivering in the back row, hidden underneath my baggy sweater. Instead of focusing on the music, I was thinking "How am I going to burn off those 27 calories without Mom noticing?" or "How much of my dinner did I scrape into my napkin?" This year, when I'm playing, food is the last of my worries. I can actually concentrate on the music, and OH, I can laugh now! Even if I'm laughing at myself for getting hopelessly lost in the music, I can laugh. And it feels really nice.

Sorry for not doing much commenting tonight, I have to type up a works cited thingy. Night!


Laci said...

heya Kiki!
*first comment!?
OOO you do have an appitite missy, but remember that's a plus! I swear your metab. will knick in VERY soon... and you'll actually HAVE to eat more, naturally! Ah I hear you about "thinking back", a year ago I'd be shivering, all aggrivated in the back seat of the car... now I'm like, "mom, turn up the music!" while munching (carelessly) on a cliff bar! haha, I wish it were always so easy... you're right 9thanks for the encouragement) I hope this will be my golden year! Same goes for u babe, we will makeit through! nighty night sweetie, best luck with thursday! :D

Anonymous said...

Aww, I'm so glad you realize how far you've come. Sometimes we all get really frustrated and forget to look at the big picture! So it's tots AWESOME when we can step back and say "wow, a year ago I wouldn't even have THOUGHT that I'd be here right now!"

omg, I'm totally like you - when I started losing a lot of weight, people would always ask me how I did it or if I was dieting...I'd always dismiss their "compliments." I'd be like ", I'm not really dieting" or "Um, no, I haven't lost weight?" (what, did I think people are stoopid? Well some of them are but regardless, I just thought if I kept brushing their comments off, no one would notice I had a problem). One of my teachers would always ask me why I had dark circles under my eyes all the time, and I'd be like, "Oh, I was up all night working on homework" or something. But I'm sure people noticed.

In fact, since I've dropped a lot of weight AGAIN (mostly unintentionally, I pwomise!!), the comments have started to come back...I always feel so awks, like I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to change the subject.

Anyway, sorry for's just I tots know how you feel!

That's great you talked to that girl - see, people don't bite (well, excluding my sister)! And it's always nice to make a friend!

Sharon said...

Glad to hear that you have grown so much and have been able to take back control. I think you're doing great girlie, and that is awesome.

And love your tasty eats, everything is so delicious! I love your cheerios, you are just too cute!!

emily. said...

Look at you- all super amazing with the progress you've made! :) Laughing IS the best medicine for the soul. Don't let it go.

Mmm, strawberries and feta salads are so delicious! I had one yesterday. The sweet strawberries go really well the tart feta.

Not wanting to talk about ED is understandable. I really don't like talking about it at all, except with those who shared similar experiences. For some reason, I just don't feel comfortable with it. Good thing there's such a lovely community here to help out. :)

Keep it strong. ♥

Brooke said...

such a positive post tonight! i love it. and it really reflects how ive been feeling lately too. knowing that you really have made progress is the best - especially when you know you would not want to go backwards. recovery is worth it! so keep up the great work kiki!

i used to hear ''you are always eating!'' comments too. and in the beginning of recovery it really triggered my ed. but now that i am actually hungry i dont even give it a second thought :)

yummy on-the go eats today! and i love your nut butter toast with cheerios. so cute!

enjoy your night sweetie! all my love <3

tinyirishdancer said...

Shucks. I hate waking up late.
Although you didn't let it ruin your day! (As I might've. *shame*)

And I don't care if it was off-the-cuff. Your brekkie still looks yumskies. =D

Gah, I SO want to try Wallaby yogurt, but my yogurt homing device has been faulty, lately.
No Rachael's, Fage, Chobs...nuttin'.
Just some plasticky Oikos.

I shall stop complainin', now.

Ah. Music is the bombdiggety, no? Ya just reminded me ta get my bootay on the piany.
I haven't practiced today, yet! *gasp*

Welp, I must be off to do sum Euro hw (ick). So..have a lovely night, girlie! <3<3

P.S. Ohmigosh YES. You just have the bestest ideas, m'dear.
I be packin' mah bags (and ice cream) for Iowa RIGHT.NOW. =]

Oh yes, and thankya very muchly for the PB recommendation!
As promised, heyar ya go:
*One Morgan sundae, free of charge*


Stef said...

Ok maybe I'm just way more high strung than you are, but I am SO MAD that your mom and that girl both made those comments today! I mean, your mom MUST know that you are recovering from an ED, so why would she say something like that? Your appetite and daily meals are far from eating "so much" so thank god you're not letting it get to you! I want to be as poised as you are and be able to ignore comments like that! I completely know what you mean about being pleased that your hard work paid off but the most important part is processing that thought afterward and realizing it isn't healthy and to just let it go! Keep up your attitude and you'll be able to take on the world!!!

aussirish said...

hi hun
im so proud of you and how far uve come since last year :)
i know it can defo be awkward when someone brings up your weight, but i think your excuse is a good one.
great eats :)
have a wonderful night girlie
love you

Anonymous said...

I HATE waking up late! I get so thrown off and end up skipping the rest of 1st hour anyway =P

I'm so happy you are challenging ED and eating when you are hungry! I'm so inspired by you, keep it up!

Eek! I still get triggered when my mom says stuff like that! Hopefully I can get over that soon.

lesley said...

Sounds like a lot of great progress to me!! : )

p.s. The week is almost over now!!!

K said...

You know I've gotta say it: COTTAGE CHEESE!! Hooray :) That pizza looks fabulous as well!

Congrats on how far you truly have come since last year!

Burp and Slurp~! said...

that's great that you've come so far in recovery! now you're really starting to enjoy life...
aah, I know what you mean about feeling uncomfortable about talking about your ED! I hate it when ppl ask. I mean, the reason for being skinny can only be 1) you're sick with some horrible disease or 2) you're anorexic, which is also a horrible disease. What makes them think it's ok to ask about things like that?
anyway. toast with PB and cheerios? so cool!

Gaby said...

Kiki!! i'm catching up on my reading because I was out of town all week but I've missed hearing about your days! I tried the wallaby fruit on the bottom yogurts for the first time this week too (inspired by you) and they were really good! I will have to buy more of those.
it's funny, the way I was pre-ed, everyone laughed at me for eating so much too, but in a friendly way and I laughed along too, then somehow at the start of recovery it turned into an embarrassing thing, but now it's finally just becoming a part of me like it used to be and I can laugh at myself again. It's a good feeling! And remember, people aren't criticizing you when they tell you you're no longer emaciated, they're paying you a compliment and are surely glad you look and act healthy and beautiful again, gray is not an attractive color to be!