Thursday, March 12, 2009


I think that the blogging world is influencing my dreams! In my dream last night, I was over at my friend's house and she was mixing what appeared to be muffin batter in a bowl. I called her Erin, which is not her name, and asked what she was doing. Then she said "I'm making applesauce, of course!" I think I had this dream because Erin was talking about making homemade applesauce a little while ago lol. Applesauce is good (esp. if it looks like batter) so this was a nice dream!

Woke up on time today! Breakfast was rather boring because I don't have much time to make it on school mornings. But among other things, I had a bowl of oats topped with 1/4 chopped apple, honey nut Cheerios, and PB. Simple but scrum.

Someday, I will actually have a pic of my AM snack. For luncheroonis I had the usuallllll but sunflower seed butter instead of PB on my sammich. And Chobby Wob :]

I had group therapy today. Before I left I had an apple with cheese.
When I got home, I was hungryhungry so I had popcorn and pecan-walnut butter. I think it's amusing how before I started eating outside the lines, I only ate nut butters once a day but now I eat it at least three times..

For dinner we made a sort of southwestern-ish frittata. It consisted of 3/4 c cooked hash brown 'taters, 5 eggs, 2 tbs milk, 1/2 c cheddar cheese and 1/2 c jack cheese. Broiled for 4 minutes to cheesy, melty perfection! On the side I had kale chips and french bread.

I actually had this as a snack last night but I plan on having it again tonight because it's so yummy! It's "tart honey" froyo, made by Dreyers, topped with half a mashed micro'd nanner. This was inspired by the lovely Emily, froyo queen! You all should def. try this froyo. The honey isn't as overwhelming as it is in Haagen Dazs froyo, it's more honey swirled.

So group therapy today went well. I've said it before, but group therapy is much more helpful to me than individual. I feel like I'm just getting feedback from my friends, rather than being forced to tell my problems to a therapist I have no connection with. Anyway, for the last few days I've been feeling guiltier and guiltier. Not about the food though. Say I eat some milk chocolate (haven't actually, just an example). It's a big challenge food, but I'm fine with actually eating it. I don't start to feel guilty until a little while later, when ED starts telling me that I'm fat for not wanting to restrict after eating a fear food. So I feel guilty for not feeling guilty! So irrational! I talked about it in group today and it made me feel a lot better. The oldest girl in the group is, in my opinion, about 90% recovered so I really look up to her. She reassured me that this is normal in recovery and it'll all start to go away once I become more confident in myself, rather than my disorder.

That's is, pretty short post tonight. Good night!

Make sure you all enter the Purebar giveaway contest on An Apple a Day! Yummmm Purebars.


Anonymous said...

That piece of cheese looks like a blankie covering the apple. Poor thing, maybe it was cold?


That fro-yo looks yummm. Looks like today's been a fro-yo day, because I also had some (:

Aw I'm happy you enjoy group therapy. I don't think I could do it...for some reason chillin' with other anorexics (NOT YOU GUYS LET'S NOT FREAK OUT!!!) triggers me? Oy. Do you know how to make this STOP? ): Me no likey.

Have a great night love!

Brooke said...

love the nut butter action! you are so awesome kiki! and i love your morning oats - ill have to remember to try that :)

i adore my group therapy and group therapists. they are beyond amazing - we laugh, cry, swear, etc. and the feedback is incredible. i feel like i can really be myself as opposed to being one on one with my therapist (easier to not be completely honest in my opinion) but anyway. ive felt this same ''guilt'' lately too. and this is why i dont feel so proud of my accomplishments. i feel like it should be harder? but i still have a lot of issues/foods im going to continue to struggle with. but ultimately i think we need to accept that this is a good thing! we are making great progress :)

enjoy your night sweetie! <3 ya

K said...

Haha bloggie dreams are fun! Strawberry Chobs - love it!! I used to eat mine with a crumbled honey zbar mixed in it, very good!

Anonymous said...

Now I want applesauce...

Stef said...

I LOVE group too, I'm glad you got some reassuring words from someone you look up to! I didn't realize Dreyer's made tart froyo!

Breaking Free said...

WOW KIKI!! I can definitely relate to the feelings of guilt about not feeling guilty! That's what I'm going through right now!! I HATE it when things are too easy because it's really scary for me and I think that things should be a lot harder. I am SO GLAD you posted this; it really helped me out!
Glad that you are doing better and your group is so supportive! I also hate school breakfasts because I am in such a rush. I like to relax, do some puzzles, and enjoy my breakfast in the morning cuz it's my faborite!
Love and hugs!

Peanut Butter and Jenny said...

haha that is too funny about your dreams! I've had some blog inspired dreams myself and it's so crazy because i've never even MET the people in them! weird weird..

i'm so glad your enjoying group therapy kiki!! it sounds wonderful and like it's really helping you <3 have a great night beautiful!

ChocolateCoveredVegan said...

I love the cheerio oats haha!

Anonymous said...

thanks kiki for linking back! ;]

yummy eats!

you're making sucha big progress! you can do it girl!!!

Jess :) said...

I am so glad group therapy is going well. Having a really cool role model is awesome! All your foods look and sound delicious! ESP that "froyo." Talk about YUM. I love me some froyo :D
<3 jess :)

Laci said...

Um yah it is def. difficult to stop Ed habbits (especially guilt) probably due to the challenges that shape ED that we, as "sufferers" face in our everyday lives... however with the right outlook, attitude and disposition I think if we focas on changing what we can in our lives (to improve them) including ED behaviors (prevent of course) we can once and for all prevail as "regular", "normal" and "unique" young adults! yeah so ,hope you enjoyed your Thurs- TGIF !!!!!!! :D much love, Laci

Sharon said...

Glad group therapy is working well for you. YAH!
And haha, you are too cute with that random dream. Speaking of which, I have never made applesauce before! I've only had it once in my life though. It reminds me of baby food! =D

tinyirishdancer said...

Applesauce is tha bombdiggety. (As is Erin, o'course!)
I'm surprised MORE people don't have dreams about it.

Yumyummyyum. ED should nevah come between a girl and her nut buttah.

Ooh. And is that fro-yo, I see?

It is!

...but does this mean mine is safe, for now?

Hmm. Group therapy wasn't as effective for me (though it generally helped) because I WAS the "older girl". And, while it was good to have that sense of more experience and (sort of) authority, I don't think I got as much out of therapy because of it.
Like...I wasn't on the same level as everyone else.
Howevah, I'm so glad it's been helping you tell ED to buggeroff. =]

<3 ya, sweets! Have a lovely evening - and TGIF. FINALLY.

Anonymous said...

you're absolutely right about EVERYTHING you said on my last post. "my body is begging for mercy". i have to remind myself this whenever i eat. so that food = medicine & nourishment instead of food = guilt & fat

Maya said...

glad group went well...thats great thres a girl there who is a good influence that you can look up to. feeling guilty is normal..i feel guilty all the time after eating..i guess its just something you go through in recovery but thre no need to feel guilty about giving yourself what you want or need! feel proud and happy each time you eat a challenge food.

applesauce yum! great eats!

nourishing mornings said...

love the cheerio oats! glad the group went is nourishment and medicine dont feel guilty for giving yourself what you absolutely are entitled to! you deserve to nourish yourself. love you loads!

aussirish said...

great eats hun!
im so glad youve got that group that helps you out so much :)that girls advice was good and probably right too!pep
have a great night
much love

Burp and Slurp~! said...

that's great that you have a good group therapy to make up for that horrible therapist you have!yeah, it's totally irrational, but that's what ED does to you. I totally understand though, I'm struggling to get rid of a lot of irrational thoughts myself. but it seems like you've already come a long way!

what is that cheese on top of the apple? mozzarella?

Pammy said...

Im glad you enjoyed group. its really good that there is someone there who you can look up to. Ive always liked group therapy too because it feels like the pressure is off me. Problem is there are NO groups around me :(

i hope today is going well for you. last day of school for the week!!!

Mel said...

Hahaha "scrum"-- girl, you crack me up! :-)
that frittata and froyo look awesome! and i'm jealous about the abundance of nut butter; what a great day of eats!! i'm totally with you on individual therapy-- I never had group therapy, but I never got ANYthing out of individual counselors... good to see you've found something that works for you :-) Have a great night girl! <3

Janet said...

That froyo sounds awesome! I'm going to try to make some honey frozen yogurt myself one of these days!

Pecan-walnut butter sounds amazing! Must make!