Helloooo blog world. It feels weird to me that it's Wednesday already because of my snow day on Monday. But whatever, the faster the days pass, the fast spring will come and we can get out of this horrible weather!
I suppose I'll start with food. This AM along with other stuff I had a bowl of oats topped with applesauce, candied ginger and a crumbled graham cracker. Mmm spicy good.
Snack was almonds, and lunch was the usual with a Stoneyfield Farms yogurt and sunflower seed butter instead of PB. I need to make a dip or something so I can have more interesting sammiches!
For my afternoon snack I made a smoothie! I used 1/3 of a double batch of CCV's vegan yogurt (I made it chocolate banana flava), 4 ice cubes, 1/4 c ricemilk, and 1/3 c raspberries. Haven't had a smoothie in a while and this was good! I also had honey nut cheerios, of course, and a kiwi.
Dinner was one of my favorites, blintzes! Me and my mom split a package of cheese flavored ones, yum yum Jewish food. I also had applesauce and tried Kath's kale chips. I've never had kale before and I'm glad I tried this recipe first! The kale was so crunchy, crispy, and fun to eat. I topped it with feta because I didn't add enough parm while I was cooking it.
And a dark chocolate Lindor for dessert! Yum.
Today was pretty sucky. I was struggling with negative body image a lot again. I was really trying to keep myself occupied like I did yesterday, and succeeded in that for some of the day. My teachers gave me a lot of homework today so I was happy to do it (never though I'd say that!) to keep me from thinking about weight, cals, etc. But there were some times when I just couldn't keep the negative thoughts away. I was walking though the halls today, actually making an effort to socialize, and BAM: "I need to lose weight again." Or during lunch, I was sitting with a big group of people (only two were my friends) and no one spoke to me. So I though "Fine, so no one likes me. I can at least accept myself if I just start restricting again.." I thought I was doing so well, with all the intuitive eating and not caring about calories. But I should have known, ED doesn't go away that easily!
And it didn't help that my best friend announced that she's going on a diet today. I was sitting next to her during lunch and she only ate one apple as her whole meal! I wanted to hit her! She's very athletic and has always eaten well to get through all her practices. She has no fat to lose. She knows that I have issues with "dieting" but made no effort to keep me from getting triggered. And I'm not just ticked about that, I'm worried about her! She'll probably be back to eating normally tomorrow, she's done it before, but I'm scared that she could go down the same road as I did. That's how I started out, just "eating healthy" to shed a couple of pounds. Look where it got me! She means a lot to me and I don't want her to have to live with thoughts like I have. Sorry for the rant but I don't know what to do!