Change of plan..

Evening, loves. Sorry for not posting yesterday. I didn't skip posting for ED reasons, more like I was buried under a pile of homework and cello concerts and crappy TV (american idol!) watching. I think I'm going to take after Morgan and Brooke and switch to every-other-day posting. Even if I'm not feeling triggered or depressed. I have enough of an obsession with food, I don't need to end my nights thinking about it every day. Plus, sometimes I end up putting blogging ahead of some more important things. For example, my grades have been slipping lately (okay, slipping down to B's, but I can't have that) and I should be spending my extra time studying and doing homework, not posting food pictures. So maybe over spring break or on the weekends when I don't have so much to do I'll do daily posts again.

Also, sorry for being so negative in all my posts lately! I don't want to come off as a whiner.. it's just I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of feeling guilty, tired of blocking out negativity, tired of everything that recovery has brought into my life. I was comfortable during the worst of my ED- I didn't have enough energy to feel much of anything (except happiness when I lost weight) so there was no battle to fight. A lot of days I don't see a point in making the effort to recover, because I feel like I don't have much to live for. I feel like I'm complaining too much again. But I don't expect advice, I know I'll find out what makes recovery worth it. There's something inside of me that's telling me to keep eating despite the overwhelming guilt and regret I often feel, so I'm just going to trust that there is something better for me than my disorder and keep going.

Okay, end seriousness. For breakfast think morning with other stuffffff I had antioxidant oats! Which is bluebs, almonds, and dark chocolate topping on oatmeal.

Snack was normal, and lunch was somewhat difference, for once. Instead of nut butter on my sandwich I had veggie cream cheese and dill hummus, which was lovely. Hummus is yummus hehe. I also had cauliflower, a trek mix bar and TJ's "french village" yogurt. This was basically like reg. yogurt but slightly thicker and not as sweet. I like it.

I made a big batch o' barley this afternoon, and I figured that there was no better thing to do with it than make blended grains a la CCV. I used this recipe for banana brulee oatmeal, using barley. Wooo new favorite snack! So creamy. I ate it with a spoon on PB.

Dinner was excellent. I was really craving salad, but salads have been off limits lately because they're rather low in calories. So I made taco salad! I brushed a WW tortilla with olive oil, stuck it in a bowl, and baked it at 400* to make a shell. Meanwhile, I cooked 2 tbs of quinoa in 1 tbs olive and tossed in onions, green pepper, a Quorn chik'n cutlet, and zucchini (??). I poured it over lettuce in the shell and topped it with black beans and salsa. I'm not a fan of faux meat because I don't like to be reminded of the taste or texture of real meat, so next time I want to use tofu. Nom nom so tasty and fresh.
I jumped out of my window and ate this! Haha, not at the same time. I have an arbor thingy under my window that plants are supposed to grow on. It was close to 70 F and my parents weren't home to I sat on my arbor for dinner. Don't laugh. It's a good thinking place! I also had strawbs and graham crackas.

Then I jetted off to orchestra. It was good even though some idiot knocked over my cello. Stupid wind players. I bit his head off.

Guhhh I've just been hit with a wave of fatigue. Peace out girl scouts!