Friday, January 16, 2009

First meal out of my control

So I had my semester exams today. US History was a breeze, I knew the answer to every single question. English was a blower though. The multiple choice was pretty easy, but I suck at essays and we had to write three. I didn't have time to finish one of the conclusion paragraphs, so that'll cost me some major points. I predict that I'll get a C on it. I'm slightly worried (by that I mean very very extremely worried) about it because I haven't gotten anything below an A on my report card since the sixth grade, and want to keep it like that. It's part of my perfectionist personality. I think I have a 92% in English now, so if I did as poorly as I think I did on my exam, I'll be getting a B. Well, two exams down, three to go.

As part of my snack today, I tried a new bar! I get very excited when I see the new product sticker at my supermarket. The store I go to, Giant, has it's own brand of organic foods called Nature's Promise. It's fab because I don't have to go all the way to WF to get healthy, unprocessed foods. Today I had the "granola honey roasted snack bar".
It was good. Very honey-y. And lots of nice chunks of nuts and dried fruit. Plus a very good ingredient list made of just honey, oats, fruit and nuts. If you live near a giant (or stop and shop because I think they're owned by the same company) check these out. I got several other flavors that I'll be trying over the course of a few days.

This past weekend my mom and I decided that tonight my mom would make my very first meal out of my control. Ever since my ED started, I've been either cooking my own food, or ordering my own food from a restaraunt that I know the calories of. I do enjoy cooking, but I think it's a bit obsessive to do my own every single day, when sometimes I'm so tired that I just want to collapse in a heap, just to avoid unknown calorie counts.

My mom decided on Zucchini Patties from the Nebraska Life Cookbook (my dad was a Nebraskan until he joined the navy and my mom stole him away from his small town, to my grandparents' dismay). I admit, I was having a bit of a freakout. First because I hate out of season fruits and veggies. When I have the choice, I like to eat seasonably but I always end up eating out of season stuff because my parents buy it and I want to use it up. Also, it involved white flour. And it was fried on vegetable oil. It was originally supposed to be in butter but my mom changed it, bless her. It made 10.
So I sat down to the table thinking crud crud crud calories calories calories. But then I did a sort of self-talk thing. I thought that if the rest of the world can eat whatever they want every day without counting calories, so can I! Why should I keep myself from living life to the fullest my restricting myself from so many foods? And then I ate three patties. And I didn't care. The world kept spinning. I win ED, go hide in a corner and weigh some carrots. I also had a slice of toast with homemade apple butter! Made by Earl. I think that's my great uncle of something. But he sure can make some apple butter.
The zucchini patties recipe is a good one, I'd post it if I had come up with it myself. I think my mom only used about 1 tsp of oil per barch, so they were more of a source of healthy fats than deep-fried. I'd like to try them again perhaps with whole wheat flour. Then I can post the recipe, yay!

Good night/good very-early morning!


Sharon said...

Wow, I'm so glad that you did it! You should be so proud of yourself. And I think made them oh-so tasty! Glad you accomplished your goal!

Brooke said...

that is a great accomplishment! im so proud of you kiki! i feel the same way with cooking and control. but i think your attitude is so refreshing! thanks for the inspiring words of wisdom :)

the zucchini pancakes and apple butter look delicious!

Amira said...

Yeah! What a great accomplishment Kiki, so proud :)
and those zucchini pancakes sound yummo! i've always wanted to try apple butter it sounds so good, oh & thanks for the peanut butter boy info on my last post i'm heading there now to see if i can get some recipes!
Have a lovely day girlie

Maya said...

i feel the same way about cooking and control..i wont let my mom cook for me. at all.

love the zucchini pancakes!
love you

nourishing mornings said...

what a great accomplishment. so proud of you love. i feel the same way about cooking and control. love the ap and zucchini pancakes they look delicious!!

Anonymous said...

Well done :) that's such a huge positive step. i know exactly how hard it is but once you've broke the barrier the first time, it gets a little bit easier to imagine doing it again. i find my shared family meal times are so much more enjoyable than sitting on my own with my calorie controlled goo. congratulations :) i think i'm making the peanut butter & chickpea stew tonight so i'll link back to your post if i blog about it. xxxxx

aussirish said...

heya hun,
thanks so much for the comment you left me :) ur a sweetheart!!
and im sooo proud of you for eating the meal ur mum made even tho ed was telling you not to, u deserve to eat what u want guilt free!!
im glad the self talk worked for you, alyways does for me:)
love u girlie,

Burp~! said...

wow....HUGE step! I am SO proud of you, kiki! I have a lot of trouble accepting other people's cooking as well...though strangely I don't mind eating out. It's just home-cooked food by other people that freaks me out.
anyway, you've totally kicked ED's ass and hope that evil being stays out for good!

Jess :) said...

GREAT JOB kiki!!!! You are doing so incredibly well...good job on your tests! It's okay to get a B :) I think that most disordered people have perfectionist attitudes..I know I do! We just have to fight that and I know you can :) I have SO much faith in you. So how have you been doing lately??? I really hope all is well. What about your relationship with your dad?
<3 jess :)

Becca said...

Hi i think your blogs awesome!! Im definatley going to be trying out some of your recipes, and all your food looks scrumptious! I hope you dont mine me adding your blog, im 14 and a recovering from an ED too and i find your blog very helpful :D.

Oh and wow, great job with the zucchini pancakes, Im the same way about other people cooking for me, i get paranoid about whats in it, but they looked really good so yay for eating them.