Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Scary Hobo Man and Couscous

I edited this because I realized my points didn't add up. Again.

I had a really scary dream last night! Me, my parents and my sister were backing out of our driveway in our car and there was this guy who looked hobo-ish with a yellow car. My mom said "Oh, he looks nice!" So she made my sister get out of the car and help him wash him car. Meanwhile, the rest of us started driving around our neighborhood and like five minutes later we realized that nice looking hobo man could kidnap my sister. So we sped back up to my house and told my sister to get back in the car, she did, then nice hobo man became scary hobo man and jumped in front of the car and wouldn't let us pass! Then I woke up. I was very afraid that there was a hobo under my bed!

Ha, sorry for the randomness, again. It was just on my mind all day. Plus I only have one picture today and need to fill space.

But OH, I am so sick of the comments I get at school. They're not as bad as they used to be, but people keep commenting on how skinny I look. I'm almost at a healthy BMI now, but it seems like every day I get "Wow, gain some weight!" I even had one girl who I barely know pinch my arm and declare that I have no meat on my body. I'm not saying this is bad, but I now weight more than I ever had pre-ED. I have healthy bloodwork and vital signs, as well as a couple other indications of my health. I got the opposite of being called skinny when I was struggling with binging.

People are just so fixed on an ideal body, when no such thing exists. I am so sick of this. Everyone starts out programed to love their bodies, and respect the differences between their own body and other peoples'. Where in life does it go wrong? I have to find the best of both worlds. In between ED yelling at me and calling me "fat", and these people at school calling me too skinny. I just have to be content in the skin I'm in.

Anyway. For dinner tonight I made this recipe for orange almond couscous. I used whole wheat couscous, and added more almonds to add up the cals. My my, how the tables have turned. I now have to add calories to my food!

I wasn't overly impressed. I liked the almonds, but it wasn't to orange-y. Maybe I'll try it again with modifications.

Good night, ladies!


Sharon said...

Wow, that is one scary dream actually! So vivid! Do you believe if dreams tell us stuff? I've always wonder about that phenomenon.

Anyways, sorry to hear about that comments you get in school. But definitely try to focus on yourself, because you are strong. Keep your chin up girl!

Jess :) said...

What a scary dream! I am glad it wasn't real! Doesn't it feel great to wake up and realize it never really happened?! Yummy foods today! Sorry about all the comments. I sometimes get them, but since I have gained weight, I don't as much. Now that I think of it actually, I do sometimes get those "your such a stick." You can wear anything junk. It gets annoying but I just ignore and focus on what is best for ME! Have a great night and yummy foods :D
<3 jess :)

Peanut Butter and Jenny said...

hey Kiki! I know its super difficult when people say things about you or to you - but please try not to get discouraged! I struggled a lot with this in High School but I learned to just brush it off by just reminding myself that I am the bigger person! YOU know that you are healthy and that you are right where you need to be - and you should be happy with that! YOU are the only opinion that matters girl.. so stay positive and keep doing what your doing!! I put this quote in one of my posts the other day and I definitely think it could help you right now..

"those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"

be strong girl - your above all that! <3 xoxo

ChocolateCoveredVegan said...

Ugh, sometimes I wish we were like old people-- there are skinny old people, fat old people, medium old people... and none of them comment on how skinny, fat, etc they all are! That or babies ;o)

dollymixtures said...

I love your post title, it's the randomest thing ever! :P

I totally know how you feel about comments at school. Even when I'm piled up with hundreds of layers on, looking like a big fat snowman, I still get comments. And it's from people YOUNGER than me. There's first years telling me, a FOURTH year, that I'm "too skinny" or whatever. And going on ad on. THere's girls in my year who never usually talk to me that start talking to me, as if they want me to tell them some magic weight loss secret. Yeah, anorexia...><
Ugh people are so shallow sometimes! It really gets you down.

Keep at it though honey <3

Maya said...

i can totaly relate..i get stares and comments all the time from girls and even teachers,its annoying..but stay strong girly.

great couscous recipe! i lovecous cous ill have to try that recipe!

aussirish said...

aw thats a horrible dream :( at least it was jus a dream and theres no hobo under ur bed :)
cous cous looks great.
so many ppl are so rude and shudnt be commenting on someone elses weight..its so unnecesary and not helpful. but like you said just try be content within urself and happy that ur healthy :)
much love xxx

Amira said...

i love hearing about dreams (my secret obsession!) thanks for sharing, hope it wasn't too frightening i can't stand when i wake up from dreams and it takes a while to realize the dream isn't real- creeps me out!
Anyway don't worry bout the kids comments as long as your body is healthy that's all that matters! big *hug*, and keep smiling!

Burp~! said...

man, that's annoying about those comments ppl make! I get them all the time too, and it irritates me to no end. like strangers would just stop me in the streets and ask me why I'm so thin! but you're doing so well so far, keep it up, and soon the comments will cease!
and oooh, scary dream...I had one similar to it, except the hobo man had a huge axe and attacked my father. I woke up crying.
darn, sorry for the last dampening comment...

Jemima said...

I hate nightmares. I always wake up in an absolute terror! Totally feel you with the body image thing - when I was at a lower weight than I am now, people used to say to me at school 'omg you have amazing legs.' Dude, I've seen pictures of my legs then and they were NOT amazing. They were sick. And most people told me that I looked like an ill child but there were the weirdos who seemed to think that they were either helping me by encouraging me to stay very ill or genuinely thought the emaciated look is attractive. Meh.
Shame about the couscous dish - I might try it with alterations too as it looks divine :) Much love chica, xxx

Breaking Free said...

Hi Kiki!! So glad to hear that you are doing well and are literally pounding your ED into the ground! Smush his head in! Sometimes it really bothers me when people make comments like that, I think they should just keep their opinions to themselves. Before when I was in the worst of my ED I would get people telling me that I was too skinny all the time. Sometimes it made me feel guilty and sometimes it made me feel good. Your recovery is really inspiring and I only wish that I could be at that point, but I am still struggling. Anyways, keep fighting girl! You can do this!