Monday, January 26, 2009

Why can't I ever think of clever post titles?

I'm going to be repeating myself by saying this, but thank you all for the support you gave me on my last post! It seriously makes my day a million times better just to read all the caring comments that are left for me. Plus it makes me crack up to here yesterday's event called the "enchilada incident". You girls gave me some wonderful advice about the situation with my dad. Unfortunately, it's really hard for me to "just talk" with my dad and tell him how uncomfortable he is making me. When I was first diagnosed with an., he didn't even want to believe that I really had an eating disorder and insisted that I had just lost muscle mass through ballet. After a while, he got used to the idea of me having a mental illness, but he still cannot grasp the concept of fearing food or gaining weight. I so wish that we could have a nice father-daughter conversation, but that's not going to happen, at least not now. Hopefully in the future though. Thanks again for the suggestions though.

For breakfast, I had an orange, apple + cheese sammie, and a bowl of PB&J oats!

By PB, I mean PB puffins :] My sister is a serial cereal eater. She gets on a health kick, or a chocolate kick, or a honey kick, and then buys cereal accordingly. When she bought the puffins, she was on a health kick, but she's now decided that puffins aren't sweet enough and it going to eating PB Cap'n Crunch instead! Oh well, more for me. And I used cran apple butter.

For lunch, I had a hummus and grilled pesto sammich, carrots, and a chocolate yogurt. The yogurt was sickly sweet, almost like a chocolate shake. Bleh. I made Baked Oatmeal Snack Bars from Kath Eats to go along with it. I subbed orange juice for 1/4 c of milk, almonds for walnuts, and dark chocolate chips for the fruit. Orange- chocolate- almond sounds good, right? Haha. It was not too great. I think that if you take away the natural sweetness from the dried fruit you need to add some white sugar/honey to compensate. So next time, I'll try the original recipe and hope it works out better.

And note to self: Parchment paper is not the same and wax paper. Because I used wax and it stuck, and I'm pretty sure that I acidentally ate a piece of wax paper on my bar!

I had ballet today, and it went somewhat better than it did on Saturday. I was in a space at the bar that isn't in front of a mirror, so I couldn't scrutinize myself at the bar. But then we went out in the center of the studio for jumps and adagios etc., and ED started pestering me. "Look. Your legs jiggle." I mostly ignored him by telling myself that ballerinas need strong legs to do all those lovely jumps. And women need some fat on them to... live healthily! Plus, I really don't even need to look in the mirror. I can feel whether my body is in the right place, and I can hear whether I'm with the music or not. So ED has no place in my studio. Mwaha!

For some after-class fuel I brought along a chocolate brownie pure bar. Oh my, it was so amazing! Very dense, moist, and fudgy like a brownie should be. It was better (and more filling) than a Larabar- don't kill me don't kill me! The wrapper says "Like a good mood in a wrapper" and I certainly felt very happy after eating this.

Dinner was another recipe from Kath Eats! Apple-Cheddar Fritatta (minus bacon). I love this recipe, it's not the egg and cheese overload that some fritattas and quiches are.
I also had a clemmie and a few small slices of multigrain baguette.

I am so not looking forward to school tomorrow. With exams and holidays, I've barely been to school lately, so it'll be a rude awakening to have to stay the whole day! Now, I'm going to enjoy the last hours of my mini-vacation and watch Gossip Girl! Good night, lovelies!

Edited to say: WHY was there no GG tonight? Now I have to wait another week for a new episode? This ruins my life.


Breaking Free said...

You have the same bowl as me!! Lol. Well, I'm glad that your day went a little better than the so-called enchilada incident. Great job in shutting ED down. You are so right, he has no place in your dance studio or in your life. I hope that school goes well for you tomorrow and your teachers are kind enough not to load on a bunch of homework.
p.s. whenever I'm in the mood for a sweet chocolate treat, I mix 1 TB of cocoa powder with a serving of vanilla yogurt. It's so good--especially with cereal or dried oatmeal.
Ciao huh!

Sharon said...

Hang in there with school and all.
Hope all goes well with your dad and such. And tasty eats overall. Thanks for the heads up about parchment versus wax. I never really understood that. -lol-

Erin said...

school stinks!
gossip girls rules!
my sister met the whole cast and has been on set multiple times. what a little weasel.

your food looks great today
do you cook those recipes or does mother dearest help out!?

have a greeat mini break ;)

Anonymous said...

YAY I'm so glad you loved the Purebar...I agree with you too, it's much better than a Larabar.

And that oatmeal combo looks so amazing! YUM!

Jess :) said...

You are exactly right! We NEED strong legs and some healthy fat :) Yummy eats today. Kath is awesome, isn't she?! Have a lovely night!!
<3 jess :)

p.s That bar looks AMAZING!

amy. said...

Fabulous food today, girl! Too bad the chocolate yogurt was unappealing. Have you tried Stonyfield o'Soy chocolate "yogurt"? its very delicious :D

Good job with snapping at Ed during ballet class. I'd think its a very triggering environment, so I commend you for beating him into the wood floors :)It really spoke to me--the way you said you could "feel and hear" that you were dancing/jumping with correct form and timing. That is way more important than how it looks. I was a competitive cheerleader, and I know its way different than ballet, but I know what you mean with feeling the correct form =)

I hope school goes okay for ya tomorrow! You're so adorable and cute---I had to let you know how often I think that about you <3

alaina said...

i'm glad ballet class went better! it'll get easier too. and ballet is way more fun when your body is capable of actually doing it, right? i'd rather have more muscular legs and be able to do a kickass saut de chat then have tiny bony legs that i can barely stand on.

yummy looking oatmeal!!

Brooke said...

your new attitude towards ed in ballet is wonderful! he doesn't belong there - or anywhere! and i agree that a strong, healthy ballerina can go a lot farther than being frail, weak and malnourished. you are amazing :)

pb&j oats! wow that is a delicious idea!

yum i must find a pure bar! i am all about sweet snacks :)

best of luck at school tomorrow girly! <3

jenninat0r said...

Hey there,

I've had my spells with eating disorder ranging from bulimia to anorexic behavior, and also trying to treat myself well and see myself objectively.

People who don't have that kind of neurosis when they are in a disordered mindset usually don't quite understand. Great eats, stay strong though, you seem like a really mature and levelheaded person!


Megan said...

mmm pb&j ANYTHING makes me happy :)

boo for full days of school! itll go by pretty quickly though, dont worry. soon you will be a crickety old geezer like me :P

nourishing mornings said...

i love your oats! and your sammie looks amazing and that baked bar yum!

my last time commenting on your blog for 30 days :( cant wait to come home healthy and update everyone and share my eats again! love you so much and thank you for all your support along this bumpy road.

Anonymous said...

:) Thanks for the lovely comment you left me Kiki it really made me smile! I'm glad that ballet was a bit better this time. I might copy your lunch today, it sound slike such a good combo.. & you're not alone - I can never think of clever post titles either hahaahah.

Mel said...

whoaaa, that fritatta looks SO yummy!! awesome job fighting ED in ballet class, girl-- you deserve to do what you love without that voice in your head!! good for you for staying with your passion in such a triggering atmosphere.

hope you have a wonderful tuesday!!

aussirish said...

hi sweetie
aw im sorry to hear you and you dads relationship is somewhat of a sticky situation. i hope in time it gets better.
your eats looks so yummy as usual!!
im glad the ballet went better today. remeber your a beutiful person who is healthy and to be healthy we need some fat on us to do many functions. if you ever feel bad;, try the affirmations, they really do work hun!
have a great night,
love u

Burp~! said...

I LOVE GG too! chuck bass is SUCH a hottie omg!
that bar looks freaking amazing.almost sinful, in fact.
and good job ignoring ED today during dance! hope he shuts up for good!
as for your dad...I think he's more scared of ED than you are! he loves you and doesn't want to imagine anything hurting you like probably in denial on how serious ED is...

Anonymous said...

I have never commented here before but I want you to do something NOT let ED take ballet away from you. I was a full time dancer in training when I got ill & never managed to let go of it enough to get back to dancing. Follow your dreams. You deserve a life. Dancers need strength. Take Care x

Anonymous said...

No problem at all little star, it is a subject close to my heart. Trust me, you do not want to get six years down the line & then realise the damage you have done. Be brave & keep fighting girl. No matter how tough the journey is, the destination makes it all the worth while. Reach for the stars x

Anonymous said...

How can anyone not like PB puffins? I just finished a box in 3 days. So good. Hope everything goes well.