I love hanging out with the people in my orchestra. They're so.. different! They have much more personality that the other bubbleheads at my school. We had a long rehearsal today, and I love to play my cello, so that put me in a good mood. Afterward, my director drove us to Chipotle! She's so cool, it barely even seems like she's a teacher when she's outside of school. I wasn't even really thinking too much about the food while I was ordering, even though I know that everything at Chipotle has tons and tons of cals (healthy ones though). I got a vegetarian burrito. I actually managed to finish almost all of it! They're massive, but sorry, no pics :[ One of the girls I was eating with is really skinny, so I figured if she could eat a whole burrito and not blow up over night, so could I. I was actually doing a really good job of socializing (not typical) and was laughing a lot so I wasn't thinking of cals. I'm so proud of myself for tonight!
But now that I'm home, my guilt is starting to set in. I haven't stopped eating tonight.. all my eating is so mechanical. My mom watches me to make sure I eat everything, and I know I have to eat, it's not a choice. Tonight I feel angry at myself for not trying to get around eating my night time snack. I swear I can feel myself gaining weight. I wish I could have the same positive attitude I have about food all the time.
On the flip side, I tried carmelized banana oats, a la Jemima of How I Mash Potato. It was so insanely good!!! The banana didn't even taste like a banana.. it just tasted like warm, sweet, buttery, perfect deliciousness. I added some dark choco chips too. Mmmm.
And here's an inside view of one of the whole wheat popovers I made yesterday.
I hope I feel better by tomorrow.