Thursday, April 9, 2009

Que lastima!

Evening, poppits. Today seemed to drag on forever and ever. I ran out of things to do around 2:00 so I ended up spending most of my afternoon on the computer :\ This is one reason why I wish I had made plans.

This morning I had chocolate covered strawberry oatbran! I don’t think it really needs an explanation, but it was oatbran topped with strawbs, dark chocolate chips, and crushed pretzels. Amazing.pics 004

I ate this while watching Bruno, en espanol. Don’t laugh at me. It went about my pace, and I understood almost everything except something about bananas. Ay, las tortugas escaparon (the turtles escaped)!

AM snack was a warmed Zbar with moo juice. Yummy! I couldn’t live without Zbars.pics 005

For lunch, I made a black bean burger. I only had refried black beans, so I used those and they worked okay. It made the burger a bit floppy. I didn’t have a bun, so I just used toast, and topped it with guacamole, a laughing cow, and sprouts. I much prefer bean burgers to faux-meat burgers.pics 009 I also had almonds, cauliflower, and a NP flax bar.

Afternoon snackikin.. just in case you don’t know the usual combo: whole wheat english muffin with cottage cheese and applesauce, a kiwi, and sunflower seed butter.pics 012

Then I went on a walk and took pictures of perty scenery. I got some strange looks from neighbors, but I’ve gotten worse.pics 015 I like the contrast between the pink flowers, the blue sky, and the brown branches in the background. Spring, finally!

It was blintz night for dinner. I accidentally bought potato blintzes instead of my favorite cheese. They were pretty good. Kind of like pirogie filling inside of phyllo dough. I also had a random salad with romaine, carrots, black olive, broccoli, and papaya poppy seed dressing; and applesauce!pics 027 Sorry for the somewhat blurry pic. And the shadow. For dessert I had two of my flourless PB & SSB cookies. I’m really enjoying how much more food I can eat at dinner now that I’ve increased my cals.pics 026 Ha I don’t even remember what color my hands are normally. When will this orange go away?

Today is supposed to be the last day of my increase. I have 200 cals to add to my night time snack. I’m really scared to do it, I’m feeling like backing out right now. I think I’m so anxious about it because before my little episode last week when I found out about my director leaving, I still felt guilty about my night snack. I would force it down because I knew I had to, and then crawl into bed feeling “sticky” and disgusted with myself. Now I’m even less.. um, mentally stable, than I was last week. So I’m afraid that those feelings will be multiplied, which will cause me to have another slip up. Or maybe I just don’t want to be “back to normal” again.

Make sure you enter the Bob’s Red Mill giveaway from An Apple a Day. Also check out the Barney Butter Giveaway as well as the hilarious Barney Butter Fiasco post on meloncauliflower.

Good night!

21 comments:

K from ksgoodeats said...

Watching TV/listening to music in another language is one of the best ways to learn it (I'm not just making that up either!)! I appreciate you taking the spring pictures - makes me realize that spring actually does exist ;)

What brand blintzes do you buy?

Peanut Butter and Jenny said...

good for you trying to learn espanol, kiki! sounds like you are doing awesome :) and what a beautiful picture.. yay spring!

enjoy the rest of your night and stay strong with that after dinner snack.. i know you can do it! <3

Lauryn said...

yay for espanol! it's my minor, and i've been taking it since i was 14 -- 7 years now! AHHH! buena suerte, chica!

you are doing absolutely amazingly, and i'm so so proud of you -- not to mention you're a culinary genius and i'm totally going to need to start making more bean burgers asap!

have a lovely evening! xoxo

shelby said...

Beautiful scenery!!!

OMG I'm totally with you on the orange thing, I have no idea what I used to look like haha

theskinnyplate said...

I forgot all my espanol from high school already. T_T. Love the Spring photo.

Nancy said...

I would love to learn some spanish! They teach us french here.

Omg, your spring picture is absolutely stunning!

I hope I don't sound weird, but how many carrots made your skin turned orange? Sorry, just wonderin'! :)

Meg said...

Hey girl. I love how you watched that show in Spanish, and speaking of orange-ness, I'm honestly really surprised I haven't turned orange yet with the amount of sweet potatoes I shove in my face! Ahh us and our orange foods. At least they're good for us, though, right? I'm so glad you were able to remain on track, don't let negative thoughts get all up in your head and mess up all of your hard work. Remember that struggles will pass, just push through them with all of the might that you can. Have a great night, and enjoy your nighttime snack, instead of feeling bad about it. You're beautiful!
Love, Meg

dailydulcie said...

Hi cutie pie !

Chocolate covered strawberry oatbran?! My goodness that sounds absolutely fabulous!! I would love that combo.

beautiful spring photo :D

do not be scared of having your 200 cal snack! you can do it kiki.. I know you may be anxious about it, but in the long run it's making you healthier darling <3

Tiny Tina. said...

Oh mah lordy..that oatbran looks amazingly deliciously orgasmically TASTY! That photo of it is just screaming at me..LURING ME IN..hah.
I'm so happy that you're pushing forward and coming out of the negative mindset again..it's so challenging to pick yourself up, but you've done it already and you're doing it now! Enjoy the night snack..it'll only lead to a good path, I promise you. =)
Oh and beautiful scenery, and beautiful..Spanish! Tehehe.
Lots of love!

emmyster said...

What a lovely picture of those flowers.

And girl don't stress about the extra addition. It's all for the best. Our lives are so much better without ED. You can take it on. I have so much confidence in you!

-E

Neela Marijana said...

hey love,
ah the orange hand colour thing. i have it too! so annoying. but can i give you a tip? if you go into the sun and get a tan your skin colour turns GOLD!!! haha i swear. whenever i go tanning i look gold instead of brown. hihi sorry for that.
i shall try making these bean burgers cause we only get one brand of fake meat burgers and i have been eating them for so long i am so bored.
have a lovley day my love
xx

~Jessica~ said...

I'm so impressed you're learning Spanish ~ I could never get to grips with any languages besides French and German, most of which I have forgotten now!

That picture of the tree blossom is so beautiful and serene. I hope you got to enjoy your nighttime snack like you should - you deserve every bite.

aussirish said...

hey girlie
great eats :)
that picture of the flowers is beautiful!!
have a great night and good luck with the increase, i know you can do it :)
love you lots
xxx

Lexi said...

Don't feel guilty about night snack, even though E.D. may convince you that its something to fear. Your body needs night snack, so it has something to burn while you're sleeping.
Hang in there,
Love
Lex

Baylee♥ said...

hahaa! i wish i knew spanish...but i truly enjoy watching the spanish soap operas and not knowing a word of what they're saying!

psh - silly neighbors. my neighbors give me strange looks for getting into these wierd positions so i can get a good angle of a flower or a tree. whatever. they just dont appreciate mother nature like we do :)

i hope you found the courage deep inside to have your snack dear. love you!

Pammy said...

I am sorry you are having a hard time with your evening snack :( I know you can do it! Stay strong lovely

Laci said...

Love your flower tree pic, periogi (have you tried mushroom?) and your hands are barely tinted orange! :-)
Sorry you feel pressured to increase one last item, hun. I guess the '"listening" just didn't work for you, yet. I would suggest to improve your mental sate, referencing to how far you've already come, and imagining were you want to go to keep on progressing. Remember, YOU are amazing, intelligent, beautiful and unique,and don't forget it! :-D

jesslikesithot said...

I love that scenary pic!! That would be such a gorgeous header!! :) I'm sorry about the anxiety girl, honestly remember how hard you have worked and how far you have come!! Ypu are so close, just push yourself through!
I always try to focus on how much I hated going to be in so much pain, so hungry.....so now I love my night snacks because I always fall asleep so easily!! I hope this helps!!!

Glad you are enjoying your dinners though! :) Your oats sound amazing!

Tori said...

I'm so proud of you Kiki. I know its been hard to get back to where you need to be - but it does feel kind of good doesn't it? It makes it so much more fun when you can escape all of anorexia's imposing rules.
Lovely picture! I have a slight obsession with trees, I think about a third of the artwork I have done has in someway shape or form included trees or flowers. heh.
I hope you are enjoying your Friday. You are doing so great. I also really wanted to thank you for the comment you left me. Don't ever sell yourself and your struggles short though - you are only 14 and have had to deal with much, much more than most your age will ever face. Its every bit as hard, no matter how long its been or how bad it got or didn't get, yknow? So really - you working so hard to take responsibility for this now is hugely inspiring and motivating to me. I often think to myself "Well, if Kiki can do this on her own, I can do it too." hehe. It helps too!

I hope you enjoy your weekend.
xo
Tori

Nutritious is Delicious said...

Thanks for all of the giveaway notices! :D

p.s. If I would have watched that show, 99% would have gone right over my head! High School Espanol is a joke! LOL

havefaith4ever said...

You can do it! Ahh, life with more calories is just more enjoyable, agreed? Lovely foods--I need that oatbran. NOW. Tehe, can you buy it at a normal grocery store? Have a lovely night and glad you can understand Spanish. I sure can't!
<3 jess :)
xxx