tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65783142991506873182024-03-13T18:36:09.380-04:00Kasha KikiKikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.comBlogger126125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-88015116789262929362009-05-23T12:38:00.002-04:002009-05-23T12:40:03.196-04:00New blog!Hey pretties!<br /><br />I've decided to make a new blog. Click <a href="http://indiglowgirl.blogspot.com/">her</a><a href="http://indiglowgirl.blogspot.com/">e</a> to go to the new one and learn why I'm making the switch.Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-23100072721608527892009-05-10T13:13:00.006-04:002009-05-10T17:48:32.307-04:00Mommy's dayHello, loves! Told you I'd be back. I've adjusted to not blogging regularly quite well. My obsession with food, magically, is now almost gone! It's so lovely to just be able to eat normal food on ugly plates, without worrying about whether what I'm eating is attention-worthy. That just feeds my disorder and makes me think that I'm not worth it if my food isn't special enough. Don't get me wrong, I still love food! I always have and always will. But I want to just let my culinary creativity come naturally if it means a full recovery.<br /><br />So today is Mother's Day. Is my mom the only mom who despises this holiday? She always tells my sister and I not to get her any gifts, and just treat her as well as we do every other day of the year. But of course I never listen to her! I love her for all the support, humor and advice she's given me over the years. Not just in my recovery, for the past 14 years she's been the only person I can trust with anything I want to say. I had to do<span style="font-style: italic;"> something </span>to recognize that. Since she loves to read, I made her a cloth bookmark embroidered with her initials and flowers. I also made her favorite breakfast in bed: Cinnamon <a href="http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=5767.0">raisin scones</a>, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. No picture, because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.<br /><br />Lately I've been feeling very stressed and overwhelmed. I've been anxious all the time and can never get my mind to settle down so I can relax. There are always tons of thoughts and worries building up in my cranium so today I decided to do something about it!<br /><br />I made two lists. The first is called "Things and People that Really Annoy Me". When I'm stressed I get overly emotional, so just about everything annoys me and weighs my mind down. In half an hour I came up with 58 things, wow! Next I wrote a list called "Major Stresses", which only has nine things on it. These are what were occupying my mind the most and made it impossible for me to quit worrying.<br /><br />Then I went sort of crazy with my pens.. for the annoyance list I just ferociously scribbled all over the page until all those little problems were blacked out. I didn't need to think too much about it, because they were just useless bits that were clogging up my brain. I was a bit more thoughtful with the stresses list. For every item on it, I thought about what I could do to improve it so it didn't stress me out anymore. Then I scribbled it out. I came up with solutions for some of the problems. But for the rest of them, I just had to think, "That's out of my hands and I can't do anything about it." Too much of my ED came from trying to fix problems that weren't mine to fix. I'm going to just have to relax now and let everything that I can't control run it's course. Things will work out.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiITmOYw1g6qLOZinE_BE5bjEU7RXit2Rja093erLkufaxxtl82CB6geArLXCp2I6r_s01Bq6N3fJdHiutSL1vg_HO3M8y6ahBffd6Lf4l345-oIaRJ93O4SC9uJkTqH2PVUUuPrmtLj-un/s1600-h/pics+072.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiITmOYw1g6qLOZinE_BE5bjEU7RXit2Rja093erLkufaxxtl82CB6geArLXCp2I6r_s01Bq6N3fJdHiutSL1vg_HO3M8y6ahBffd6Lf4l345-oIaRJ93O4SC9uJkTqH2PVUUuPrmtLj-un/s320/pics+072.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334310796040939026" border="0" /></a><br />A HA, I'm not done yet! After the coloring party I just ripped the papers to shreds and chucked them in the recycling bin. As stupid as it sounds, I feel like I can actually breathe now, like the stress has just fallen out of my head. Seeing my problems spelled out in front of me, coming up with a solution to make myself feel better about them and destroying them might give me the relaxation I've needed for so long.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4VM833H1v7FHyTYl5aGWSFsvnxTFkrzcbcBQNc-H2b-sCy32pdcxSAUdHIoJjfrVGw7e2xWuGIH7M0sov7_NFM3qkx7m-RtjGDNUP59mJc1681vQ9IVH5IxjDhjMBz2zig7OpGcD0TKV5/s1600-h/pics+074.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4VM833H1v7FHyTYl5aGWSFsvnxTFkrzcbcBQNc-H2b-sCy32pdcxSAUdHIoJjfrVGw7e2xWuGIH7M0sov7_NFM3qkx7m-RtjGDNUP59mJc1681vQ9IVH5IxjDhjMBz2zig7OpGcD0TKV5/s320/pics+074.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334310806114172802" border="0" /></a><br />Okay okay, so I do have some food pictures. I'm sure most of you have heard of Katie's <a href="http://chocolatecoveredkatie.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/a-challenge%E2%80%A6-with-prizes/">New Foods Challenge</a>! But if you live in a cave and have not, definitely check it out! The new food I choose was edamame. I know, what kind of failure vegetarian has never tried edamame before? ME! But I finally picked some up a little while ago and I'm so glad I did! It has stellar nutritionals, with tons of protein and fiber. It's mighty tasty too! Sort of nutty. I made a lovely salad with cooked edamame, romaine, carrots, black beans, zuccchini, and cucumber. Yum yum yum.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY3uO17SSuA1EVgxkwkIL1Pb4m0l-o3UO8yiuDUAHw1hVsjRnpG5qaU_bU08vxViq6VRP0FDGy6jLA03twfEt7mMsx_onsE_3sxH-xxVc5TeQWr6bJgSVIpy9FpdFMRc_pqZH6s106mepx/s1600-h/pics+014.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY3uO17SSuA1EVgxkwkIL1Pb4m0l-o3UO8yiuDUAHw1hVsjRnpG5qaU_bU08vxViq6VRP0FDGy6jLA03twfEt7mMsx_onsE_3sxH-xxVc5TeQWr6bJgSVIpy9FpdFMRc_pqZH6s106mepx/s320/pics+014.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334313708976773458" border="0" /></a><br />And today I tried my first green smoothie! I've only been reading/commenting on blogs sporadically lately but noticed a definite trend in green monsters. I was skeptical, but today I made my own out of a banana, strawbs, ground flax (another new food for me), 2 handfuls of spinach, and a splash of milk. It was delicious, why didn't I try it before? I'll definitely make it again with different fruits.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNlqcgBSEUZyxmJCJiKuRpfTX8Ipuk1kop9s5D6q5FThbBuD-fNztD7JeDtDq6KFUbfgRjlj1e-i-r6l1oPambXHk_Kj_KhUb77SNjqMaBHYjPkKvVfw10KYEEte4AlcWofctHw8YyuKhN/s1600-h/pics+077.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNlqcgBSEUZyxmJCJiKuRpfTX8Ipuk1kop9s5D6q5FThbBuD-fNztD7JeDtDq6KFUbfgRjlj1e-i-r6l1oPambXHk_Kj_KhUb77SNjqMaBHYjPkKvVfw10KYEEte4AlcWofctHw8YyuKhN/s320/pics+077.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334313724985900178" border="0" /></a><br />Ooooh, well today's breakfast was too cute not to share! Those little Wholefoods chocolate graham bears had just escaped the peanut butter tsunami and were headed for the apricot lifeboats but...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEGNymBHk2zqKYQSzEUXnMvbGjiSAiUUJ0biDhnhZhPrnHOV0fMVCfQMVw6Og-NSi3b4EjWaqA7cIAz8q3tKvEkcpCL1p6B4sSUSNCEFw1kSmUEPw-oGjR7xnbsOYQSrXfce5zmtvbWR3K/s1600-h/pics+052.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEGNymBHk2zqKYQSzEUXnMvbGjiSAiUUJ0biDhnhZhPrnHOV0fMVCfQMVw6Og-NSi3b4EjWaqA7cIAz8q3tKvEkcpCL1p6B4sSUSNCEFw1kSmUEPw-oGjR7xnbsOYQSrXfce5zmtvbWR3K/s320/pics+052.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334313716380718178" border="0" /></a><br />Nope. The Kiki monster ate them. Along with the oatmeal ocean and PB tsunami.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYU8agAZSV8-mk_fOUGkeJkcnonpjhxridgEaq4lJ_NN6YUp3_JG6xc_XU9qTRKA3rWS2mX58z9bZAsG14hReGH332URM3kxCtpJ-EUWg2nhqAJcJ4Uliklg8bwHSP6K-Tu7XEyUL3wLD9/s1600-h/pics+054.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYU8agAZSV8-mk_fOUGkeJkcnonpjhxridgEaq4lJ_NN6YUp3_JG6xc_XU9qTRKA3rWS2mX58z9bZAsG14hReGH332URM3kxCtpJ-EUWg2nhqAJcJ4Uliklg8bwHSP6K-Tu7XEyUL3wLD9/s320/pics+054.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334313720527550706" border="0" /></a><br />Hmmm, I'm so used to saying "goodnight" to wrap up my posts but it's not even 6:00 yet! Alright then, ciao!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-50695817343605572302009-04-22T17:43:00.006-04:002009-04-22T19:31:42.604-04:00Video Post!!!Hello, lovelies. I’m baaaack. With a video post, obviously. I felt soooooo awkward while filming this. I kept thinking “What are you doing? Why are you still talking about this???” Hence strange expressions and really <em>really </em>awkward and long silence around 3:48. I had some notes in front of me, you see, and was collecting my thoughts. Hehh. Erase it from your memories.<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dy8XArCeCIhUbpasUYjR00_yNMDUvNF_jPWmeqlhZTnq7_xIYpalbPhV0ApzOP9zBTrTowDWoLaXUFDMBrCYw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br /><br />And here are some of the 365 days of pictures I've taken.<br /><br />Tulip in my yard<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBLkPa4n7NkBEnc9Z2t8bP4Hsz2LFrcOlRHQsagY7VLgWlEuq_BIB_o_7vLFyy88kOwXvR1zLQBZQbxTvLH-TqeWSbgGfIs0fghqbRmQlT7RmQuXnzsyrIQOjjKn0dck2eciovW3g1B9GZ/s1600-h/pics+010.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBLkPa4n7NkBEnc9Z2t8bP4Hsz2LFrcOlRHQsagY7VLgWlEuq_BIB_o_7vLFyy88kOwXvR1zLQBZQbxTvLH-TqeWSbgGfIs0fghqbRmQlT7RmQuXnzsyrIQOjjKn0dck2eciovW3g1B9GZ/s320/pics+010.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5327637335717341794" border="0" /></a><br />My kitty Shadow, stuck inside a plastic bag. She for some reason has an irrational fear of them so she was running all around the house trying to get the bag off of her. I thought it was hilarious until I had to spend half an hour getting her out from underneath my bed so the bag wouldn't suffocate her!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcQjMqptwKr6k7usD12KRwt79x-kL72z16rz7ebasRb2t_Vl4rsxz6oLQR7ZFgqNJbHLTJ7vxl_RbhZ-pop9-oAnQRLAgxDtVLqOJkSa_uh3C9wUtrhpHp54UIqucOeN-ft4LM_lMWTrnG/s1600-h/pics+014.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcQjMqptwKr6k7usD12KRwt79x-kL72z16rz7ebasRb2t_Vl4rsxz6oLQR7ZFgqNJbHLTJ7vxl_RbhZ-pop9-oAnQRLAgxDtVLqOJkSa_uh3C9wUtrhpHp54UIqucOeN-ft4LM_lMWTrnG/s320/pics+014.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5327637342629253266" border="0" /></a><br />And this is a thing in my living room that holds our firewood. I thought it was pretty how the sunlight shone through the cobwebs (shows how much we use our fireplace!) and reflected off the copper container.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICugL_UqP3S5dC3LcZisXfbTAljOpllaSFdAwSp6JXgrBwHeUbgxqIE2Rsf0e-l9hJI56NAyIEejzIFJEExFPFBUO0ty71-po8jxm93gJ2pO5Ku_KFss_kf76bvII0MNTJ4agXiM8ChtN/s1600-h/april15+%233.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICugL_UqP3S5dC3LcZisXfbTAljOpllaSFdAwSp6JXgrBwHeUbgxqIE2Rsf0e-l9hJI56NAyIEejzIFJEExFPFBUO0ty71-po8jxm93gJ2pO5Ku_KFss_kf76bvII0MNTJ4agXiM8ChtN/s320/april15+%233.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5327637346907180546" border="0" /></a><br />Okay, I think that covers it. I'll be seeing you around! Love you all loads, night.Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-25456410425029947362009-04-14T19:45:00.001-04:002009-04-14T19:45:40.815-04:00Just for your information<p>…I’m going to be away for a little while. I’ve been feeling really depressed since Sunday. There wasn’t one trigger event that started this. It’s probably due to me staying at home all spring  break and not seeing anyone but my family. Also the weather is gray, cold, and drizzling, which always makes me feel sad. I just want to curl up into a ball and stay there forever, I don’t want to go outside or to school or to cello. School today was atrocious. Everyone was talking to me about what I did over break and it took everything in me to answer them, to not cry because I want to be cut off from everything.</p> <p>There have been no ED side affects from this, so far, and I’m hoping to keep it that way. For once I don’t actually care about food and am just seeing it as a necessity. I’ve been eating everything on my MP with no problem and don’t feel like giving it any extra thought right now.</p> <p>I won’t leave you all without any pictures though. I decided to start a 365 days of pictures thing on Monday, so I can get some use out of my camera beyond food pictures. It’s exactly what it sounds like, taking a picture a day for a year.</p> <p>Day #1, April 13- My family decided to go to the National Zoo. I hate zoos, I find it very depressing to see animals confined into such small spaces with people gawking at them from every direction. This orangutan was enjoying some orange slices before a mob of people came to stare at it. When he noticed, he put the paper bag the orange was in over his head to hide. :[<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SeUgHwWcG4I/AAAAAAAABSM/gm_z35XgQRM/s1600-h/pics%20037%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 037" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="180" alt="pics 037" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SeUgIYytyxI/AAAAAAAABSQ/SX8UV3a5AyQ/pics%20037_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Day #2, April 13- Photograph of a poster, how lame. I forget the details, but my uncle was some how involved in planning a concert with Yo-Yo Ma. He got a chance to talk with Yo-Yo (what a fun name!) and told him that his niece played the cello. So Yo-Yo signed a poster thingy for me. It says “To Kiki, with _____”, something I can’t make out. Probably not with love, maybe with good luck? Cool none the less.<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SeUgIiIdcCI/AAAAAAAABSU/Gkh8IXe8KB0/s1600-h/pics%20035%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 035" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="pics 035" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SeUgJPQEjWI/AAAAAAAABSY/of_npSYAKjc/pics%20035_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="184" border="0" /></a> </p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>Sorry for such a non-post. I don’t know how long I’ll be away, I just want to get back on my feet before I start food blogging again. I have group this Thursday, perhaps it will help. I was supposed to have made progress since two weeks ago. Fail.</p> <p>I haven’t been commenting but I’ve read up on all your blogs. Much love, night.</p> Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-38645207164071530092009-04-10T19:26:00.001-04:002009-04-10T19:26:50.323-04:00A doughy day<p>Hello, world. I’m feeling pretty good today, which is why I’m posting three days in a row! Last night I ended up skimping on 100 cals that I meant to add to my PM snack. I was standing in the kitchen, granola bar in hand, and then I thought “No, I don’t need this.” So I put it back and went to bed. I think I’m okay with the size of my snack now and would be fine with keeping it this way. I know that’s letting ED win, I know I should be eating all of it and then sitting with the crappy feelings. But I just added back hundreds and really don’t want to push myself anymore. Arggg I don’t know!</p> <p>My breakfast was delectable this morning! Among other things, I had chai banana coconut oatbran! Which is oat bran cooked in 1/2 milk and 1/2 water with TJ’s chai tea mix stirred in, topped with half a caramelized nanner and a sprinkle of coconut. Yum!<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_Vn6k9rBI/AAAAAAAABRM/2In-eEJwb2w/s1600-h/pics%20002%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 002" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 002" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_Voe512mI/AAAAAAAABRQ/vsOa4h82QWo/pics%20002_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>AM snack was two multi grain rice cakes topped with PB and the other half of the banana, smashed a la <a href="http://peanutbutterandjennys.blogspot.com/">Jenny</a>. Along with some lovely geometry homework.<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VouLQ6AI/AAAAAAAABRU/ULPcPNiMKdE/s1600-h/pics%20005%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 005" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 005" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VpJag6JI/AAAAAAAABRY/zTrKCiw7IjU/pics%20005_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>For lunch, I made a grilled pesto, hummus, and black olive sandwich. Olives olives olives I love olives! I also had cauliflower, plain yogurt with homemade apple butter, and a NP flax bars. I love these bars. They remind me of big, honey and raisin filled rice krispy treats.<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_Vpsz9YVI/AAAAAAAABRc/CKET-HdPsWs/s1600-h/pics%20007%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 007" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 007" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VqKQZU1I/AAAAAAAABRg/n2fyrCqaBVk/pics%20007_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>I did homework and practiced my various instruments for a while then got bored. Which means I baked. I wanted to make granola bars, but we are out of oatmeal! *Gasp* So I made <a href="http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=15423.0">toaster pastries</a>!<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VqhcbXbI/AAAAAAAABRk/v58iPey1fP4/s1600-h/pics%20008%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 008" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 008" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_Vq5mY4UI/AAAAAAAABRo/hsc-SydxQqc/pics%20008_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> I haven’t tried one yet, I’m saving it for breakfasts/snacks. They were quite difficult to make, I actually had to throw the dough (rhyme!) of one away because it wouldn’t stop falling apart :[</p> <p>After baking I went on another walk. Brought my camera with me of course. It was so gorgeous out today, close to 70 degrees, breezy, and sunny! I found these flowers in my yard, I think they’re purple lillies of the valley.<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VraNoNBI/AAAAAAAABRs/gDgTEta3e8k/s1600-h/pics%20012%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 012" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 012" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_Vr37zGUI/AAAAAAAABRw/RD8coQy2CfY/pics%20012_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> I think it’s good for me to photograph something other than food. I’m thinking of doing a 365 days of pictures type-thing on here, what do you all think?</p> <p>My afternoon snack was <em>slightly </em>different than usual because I only had enough CC for one half of my muffin! So the other half had cream cheese. Along with strawbs and sunflower seed butter.<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VsZTMRTI/AAAAAAAABR0/1gyo2ozrcEE/s1600-h/pics%20025%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 025" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 025" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_Vs84vuyI/AAAAAAAABR4/Uadr37K_rpk/pics%20025_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Dinner was amazing! My sister helped me make <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Eating-Wells-Whole-Wheat-Pizza-Dough-193972">whole wheat pizza dough</a>. It was the easiest and quickest dough I’ve ever made (only took 10 mins!) thanks to a food processor. We I topped my portion with Nature’s Promise pasta sauce, mozzarella, OLIVES and green pepper. It turned out exceptionally well. The crust was just the way I like it- soft and chewy, not “crackery”. <a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VtUUhqiI/AAAAAAAABR8/8rv4TtrkiqA/s1600-h/pics%20030%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 030" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 030" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VtifJgOI/AAAAAAAABSA/duVpp0a6qUM/pics%20030_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> Also had a salad of romaine, carrots, cucumber, broccoli, and papaya poppy seed dressing.<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VuFTbspI/AAAAAAAABSE/O-jZmBuuT1M/s1600-h/pics%20028%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 028" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 028" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd_VucHih4I/AAAAAAAABSI/IXOXqR8xT7A/pics%20028_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>My dad’s job involves doing techie stuff at big conventions in DC. Since he works after the shows are over, he often gets to claim the leftover freebies that they put out for the people going to the conventions. Today he came home just as my mom and I were setting the table for dinner. He plopped down a box of donuts on the table and said they were leftover from a convention. There were four, one for each of us. My mom said “Well, Kiki won’t want hers, so we’ll just let Allison have it.” My dad asked why I didn’t want mine, which I obviously didn’t have an answer for. After a moment of awkward silence he said “Are you ever going to eat doughnuts? Are you ever going to be normal again?” Thankfully I was saved from answering this because the oven timer went off. I don’t know how to explain to them that there isn’t a way to know what a normal me would be like. I don’t have a clue of what I’d be like, or what foods I’d like, if I had never gotten an eating disorder. And now, I don’t know if it’s normal for me to want to eat healthily and never touch a doughnut, or if that’s my ED speaking. Maybe the real me wants to eat junk food when I felt like it, like  I did before this all started. This frustrates me because I used to be so sure of who I was and what I wanted.</p> <p>Good night, loves! Oh, and I need Easter dessert ideas. I need something like and springy!</p> Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-25124847328882447322009-04-09T20:20:00.001-04:002009-04-09T20:20:07.715-04:00Que lastima!<p>Evening, poppits. Today seemed to drag on forever and ever. I ran out of things to do around 2:00 so I ended up spending most of my afternoon on the computer :\ This is one reason why I wish I had made plans.</p> <p>This morning I had chocolate covered strawberry oatbran! I don’t think it really needs an explanation, but it was oatbran topped with strawbs, dark chocolate chips, and crushed pretzels. Amazing.<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QmzvyuqI/AAAAAAAABQU/o5bspsEclSo/s1600-h/pics0043.jpg"><img title="pics 004" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 004" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QnCuwQtI/AAAAAAAABQY/a44mS5qjPf4/pics004_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>I ate this while watching <a href="http://www.bruno.tv/">Bruno</a>, en espanol. Don’t laugh at me. It went about my pace, and I understood almost everything except something about bananas. Ay, las tortugas escaparon (the turtles escaped)!</p> <p>AM snack was a warmed Zbar with moo juice. Yummy! I couldn’t live without Zbars.<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6Qnn7hDHI/AAAAAAAABQc/NwpZqgxG5CI/s1600-h/pics0053.jpg"><img title="pics 005" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 005" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QoBhUXuI/AAAAAAAABQg/qTyiwKx_kLQ/pics005_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>For lunch, I made a <a href="http://www.katheats.com/favorite-foods/homemade-bean-burgers/">black bean burger</a>. I only had refried black beans, so I used those and they worked okay. It made the burger a bit floppy. I didn’t have a bun, so I just used toast, and topped it with guacamole, a laughing cow, and sprouts. I much prefer bean burgers to faux-meat burgers.<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QpFlHDuI/AAAAAAAABQk/mTnUD0NhZ08/s1600-h/pics0093.jpg"><img title="pics 009" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 009" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QprGCpCI/AAAAAAAABQo/kqfO2Dw63sQ/pics009_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> I also had almonds, cauliflower, and a NP flax bar.</p> <p>Afternoon snackikin.. just in case you don’t know the usual combo: whole wheat english muffin with cottage cheese and applesauce, a kiwi, and sunflower seed butter.<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QqMs6_lI/AAAAAAAABQs/4Mkz08Xlkx4/s1600-h/pics0123.jpg"><img title="pics 012" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 012" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QqW3JQEI/AAAAAAAABQw/IHGh0ZmPpcc/pics012_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Then I went on a walk and took pictures of perty scenery. I got some strange looks from neighbors, but I’ve gotten worse.<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QrbgNG8I/AAAAAAAABQ0/jcVsm3Y9nhU/s1600-h/pics0153.jpg"><img title="pics 015" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 015" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6Qr4-wWuI/AAAAAAAABQ4/eTqFarn2X3w/pics015_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> I like the contrast between the pink flowers, the blue sky, and the brown branches in the background. Spring, finally!</p> <p>It was blintz night for dinner. I accidentally bought potato blintzes instead of my favorite cheese. They were pretty good. Kind of like pirogie filling inside of phyllo dough. I also had a random salad with romaine, carrots, black olive, broccoli, and papaya poppy seed dressing; and applesauce!<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QsaVNHHI/AAAAAAAABQ8/kF6eb5vpT7M/s1600-h/pics0273.jpg"><img title="pics 027" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 027" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6Qs2U0ifI/AAAAAAAABRA/hAwcR0UOw9Y/pics027_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> Sorry for the somewhat blurry pic. And the shadow. For dessert I had two of my flourless PB & SSB cookies. I’m really enjoying how much more food I can eat at dinner now that I’ve increased my cals.<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6QteKG9II/AAAAAAAABRE/VjkkHMgTJ20/s1600-h/pics0263.jpg"><img title="pics 026" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 026" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd6Qt9KaPVI/AAAAAAAABRI/q0eTwovTomE/pics026_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> Ha I don’t even remember what color my hands are normally. When will this orange go away?</p> <p>Today is supposed to be the last day of my increase. I have 200 cals to add to my night time snack. I’m really scared to do it, I’m feeling like backing out right now. I think I’m so anxious about it because before my little episode last week when I found out about my director leaving, I still felt guilty about my night snack. I would force it down because I knew I had to, and then crawl into bed feeling “sticky” and disgusted with myself. Now I’m even less.. um, mentally stable, than I was last week. So I’m afraid that those feelings will be multiplied, which will cause me to have another slip up. Or maybe I just don’t want to be “back to normal” again. </p> <p>Make sure you enter the <a href="http://blueskyworld.wordpress.com/2009/04/08/winner-and-fifth-giveaway/#comment-901">Bob’s Red Mill</a> giveaway from An Apple a Day. Also check out the <a href="http://meloncauliflower.blogspot.com/2009/04/melonbarneybutter-and-barney-butter.html">Barney Butter Giveaway</a> as well as the hilarious <a href="http://meloncauliflower.blogspot.com/2009/04/carolina-eats-barney-butter-fiasco.html">Barney Butter Fiasco post</a> on meloncauliflower. </p> <p>Good night!</p> Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-82408296215875237912009-04-08T19:29:00.001-04:002009-04-08T19:29:39.000-04:00Baking is my therapy<p>Hello loves. Thanks for the support about the fight with my mom. I <em>so </em>want things to be normal again. But it’s been such a long time since I’ve been normal, two and a half years. I was only 12, and I don’t remember what a normal social life is like anymore. I’m quite content just staying at home, cooking, and reading blogs. I’m feeling just mehh today, I’m still sort of upset about what happened with my mom last night. I want her to see how hard I’m trying but don’t know how.</p> <p>For breakfast today I had coffee oats, because I woke up at 6 am and was exhausted. So I cooked 1/4 c. oatbran and 1/4 c. oatmeal in milk, stirred in some vanilla creme coffee, and used the <a href="http://www.katheats.com/?p=2173">whipped banana technique</a>. Then I topped it with dark chocolate chips. Mmmnom.<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zOkQfGdI/AAAAAAAABPU/qqulSMtiz8w/s1600-h/pics%20049%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 049" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 049" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zPH7FyKI/AAAAAAAABPY/ra0Rri6qtk4/pics%20049_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>I added back in my AM snack today. I’m impatient, adding back my cals every other day is taking too long! Plus there’s always my fear that my metabolism will slow down when I restrict, so when I do eat over cals, I’ll gain an excessive amount of weight. Anyway. I had a lemon vanilla cashew Clif Nectar bar, aka my favorite bar ever! I'm really upset that Clif is discontinuing their nectar line. This is perfectly sweet, and I love the chunks of cashew mixed with the soft dates.<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zPpwMj2I/AAAAAAAABPc/PmdOaQOOysk/s1600-h/pics%20058%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 058" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 058" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zP3NK4zI/AAAAAAAABPg/fLTAvGwJEPs/pics%20058_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>I was intrigued by the <strong>Johnny Appleseed sandwich</strong> I saw on <a href="http://labellevegan.blogspot.com/">Shelby’s blog</a> yesterday. I made one for myself, using regular PB, cream cheese, and applesauce (trying to conserve my fresh apples). Grilled of course. I was skeptical of the cream cheese and PB combo, was it was really good! I also had cauliflower, a NP flax bar, and a vanilla Oikos!<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zQUVmMSI/AAAAAAAABPk/E3zqVkraRbw/s1600-h/pics%20054%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 054" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 054" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zQ-nHwQI/AAAAAAAABPo/5bpk11SKmaA/pics%20054_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> This was the second Oikos I bought with my coupon. Just like the plain, vanilla was amazingly rich and creamy. I think I like it better than vanilla Chobani! My only complaints about Oikos are that a) I can’t find it at my regular grocery store, only at Whole Foods and b) It’s so expensive! If I didn’t have the coupons, I’m sure my mom would not appreciate paying $2+ for one yogurt!</p> <p>Then I baked flourless peanut/ sunflower seed butter cookies! Using 1/2 c. brown sugar, an egg, 1/2 c. sunflower seed butter, 1/2 c. peanut butter, and 1 1/4 tsp. baking soda. I always manage to enjoy baking even when I feel triggered. Mixing up a bunch of ingredients and turning them into something yummy always makes me feel better! They turned out quite nicely, if a bit flat. The sunflower seed butter tastes so similar to PB that it blends right in.<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zUFdhI-I/AAAAAAAABPs/eYKcibGK4XY/s1600-h/pics%20056%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 056" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 056" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zUuYq52I/AAAAAAAABPw/IvPYdMJo_TA/pics%20056_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a></p> <p>After I made the cookies I did some homework. I want to get it all out of the way before tomorrow so I can enjoy the last few days of break without any obligations. Today I choose to work on my mathematical essay. Is it not enough to have to solve a billion equations?</p> <p>I considered having some cookies and milk for my afternoon snack, but just wasn’t feeling it. So I went with my favorite.<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zVJkvoaI/AAAAAAAABP0/UQhQsn1i0Xo/s1600-h/pics%20063%5B7%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 063" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 063" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zVYz5zQI/AAAAAAAABP4/WaSm0YtC-f0/pics%20063_thumb%5B5%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>For dinner I made the Potato Omelet from <u>Greek Vegetarian Cookery.</u> I suck at flipping omelets so I just stuck it in the oven to cook the top, so I guess technically it’s a frittata. I liked how you could taste the potato more than the egg in this. Yum yum, I love greek food! I also had a slice of unknown calorie cheese bread, and cucumber.<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zWUT7f3I/AAAAAAAABP8/kjiZUm2W1XM/s1600-h/pics%20066%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 066" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 066" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zW39p6WI/AAAAAAAABQA/yTv9Ekok2YQ/pics%20066_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zXcllsqI/AAAAAAAABQE/qy_H4ai5Qqw/s1600-h/pics%20064%5B5%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 064" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 064" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zX7oJ_NI/AAAAAAAABQI/YdLk71XeDGw/pics%20064_thumb%5B3%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> And for dessert, two PB/SSB cookies. ORANGE! <a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zYBk8ONI/AAAAAAAABQM/zxZPIveTSkI/s1600-h/pics%20060%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 060" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 060" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/Sd0zYtBIksI/AAAAAAAABQQ/OKj-GGkS8DI/pics%20060_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Today I was cleaning out my old room and found some of my food journals from when I was first starting treatment. I still was afraid to eat the right amount for gaining, and was counting everything religiously. I had the calories for every egg white, teaspoon of peanut butter, and slice of light bread written in the margin. When I found the journals, I was mostly relieved that I’m far beyond that now. I was so consumed with ED at that point, and I’m glad that I’m not as controlling  or obsessive as I was. I’m proud of myself for coming such a long way. But I said <em>mostly </em>relieved because there’s still that annoying voice in my head telling me I made the wrong decision. That I took things way too quickly, I’m too recovered now, I’m worthless now that I’m not as sick. I know the healthy side of me is right, so I’m just going to ignore that voice. It makes me wonder though. Will I always have that side of me that turns to restricting food whenever I’m upset? And will I always have to be prepared to push it away?</p> <p>Night, loves!</p> <div class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent" id="scid:0767317B-992E-4b12-91E0-4F059A8CECA8:dcd75545-fc7c-4c5c-a4b1-0b6da13f3367" style="padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; float: none; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-top: 0px">Technorati Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tags/oats" rel="tag">oats</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/dark+chocolate" rel="tag">dark chocolate</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/nectar+bar" rel="tag">nectar bar</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/sandwich" rel="tag">sandwich</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/cream+cheese" rel="tag">cream cheese</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/peanut+butter" rel="tag">peanut butter</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/cookies" rel="tag">cookies</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/english+muffin" rel="tag">english muffin</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/cottage+cheese" rel="tag">cottage cheese</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/applesauce" rel="tag">applesauce</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/omelet" rel="tag">omelet</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/bread" rel="tag">bread</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/cucumber" rel="tag">cucumber</a></div> Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-90911445526291532942009-04-08T07:36:00.000-04:002009-04-08T07:37:31.418-04:00Buttons!<p>I wrote some of this post earlier in the day yesterday, and it was supposed to be posted last night. You’ll understand why I didn’t get around to it I think. </p> <p>Evening, loves. I’m posting two days in a row because I feel like it! I’m was feeling pretty positive today so I figured I’d take some food pics. So yay!</p> <p>This morning for breakfast, I had <a href="http://chocolatecoveredkatie.wordpress.com/2009/03/11/chocolate-chip-cookie-dough-oatmeal/">CCV’s chocolate chip cookie dough oats</a>. I used Katie’s melted banana trick in place of the sugar and it was divine! I can understand why her oatmeal-hater friend loved this. Soo creamy, just sweet enough, and I loved the texture the raw oats gave. Tasted really close to a real cookie!<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMZtferoI/AAAAAAAABOk/ebTip9gFszQ/s1600-h/pics%20001%5B11%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 001" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 001" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMZ89S_PI/AAAAAAAABOo/AX_KG3bUFU0/pics%20001_thumb%5B9%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a></p> <p>For once, I didn’t want a sandwich for lunch! I made <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Phthois-Honey-Feta-Griddle-Bread-246749">pthois</a>, aka honey feta griddle cakes. I don’t know how to pronounce pthois either! But I can say that these were extremely delicious, even though I used whole wheat flour. Feta is my favorite cheese and the sweet and salty contrast was perfect. I topped each cake with sauteed carrots and broccoli (not greek but whatever), garlic hummus, and the last bit of feta. Voila, greek fajitas!<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMag2lHRI/AAAAAAAABOs/4b-GAK57Ppc/s1600-h/pics%20007%5B10%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 007" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 007" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMa2UzJXI/AAAAAAAABOw/-XeULDfTr60/pics%20007_thumb%5B8%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a></p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMbQ4NrnI/AAAAAAAABO0/njJGk6hdayg/s1600-h/pics%20009%5B8%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 009" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 009" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMblbqafI/AAAAAAAABO4/gUAw2zsFgOU/pics%20009_thumb%5B6%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a>I also had a Stonyfield farm strawberry yogurt and cauliflower. I really do love veggies! Then a bit later I had a NP flax plus bar.</p> <p>I was hungry for my afternoon snackity snack, so I decided on popcorn, with dark chocolate chips and almonds. I also had an apple with a laughing cow.<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMcK6if1I/AAAAAAAABO8/3xLgwCJrgVI/s1600-h/pics%20042%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 042" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 042" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMcr6nrkI/AAAAAAAABPA/88I6FbooLtU/pics%20042_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>Then I made a crocheted double-headband with buttons sewn on it. Random fact about me: I love buttons! Pardon the towel in the background.<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMdL5NtfI/AAAAAAAABPE/-MW35YUUVpI/s1600-h/pics%20039%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 039" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 039" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMd5j89KI/AAAAAAAABPI/C04CPgunL54/pics%20039_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Dinner had to be eaten in the car on the way to therapy from my cello lesson. Boooo. I decided to just bite the bullet and add another 100 cals to my dinner today. I packed a black bean & guacamole sandwich, the best pear I’ve ever eaten in my life (Harry and David!), and…<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMebJkw5I/AAAAAAAABPM/HVI_ay6YDEc/s1600-h/pics%20048%5B3%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 048" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="pics 048" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdyMeumAvlI/AAAAAAAABPQ/-KLN6yvkHkE/pics%20048_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> That thing about the sandwich is a homemade Larabar-ish thing. Emphasis on the ish. I had half a banana left this morning and decided to use it. So I ground up 3 tbs almonds in the food processor, took those out, and blended the half banana and 1 tbs raisins. I know Larabars are supposed to have dates but I thought raisins would work too. Then I blended it all together, and ended up adding 3 tbs. of oats to make it sticky enough. I shaped them into two bars and stuck them in the fridge. I guess they’re more like Trek bars, because of the oats? But they taste good. Next time I’ll use dates.</p> <p>Therapy went okay today. I hate my therapist. Just saying. My mom had to come with me this time and my therapist asked her what her main concern about me right now is. My mom said that she’s worried that I’m depressed because I used to go out with my friends all the time, but now I rarely do. I tried to explain to her that the friends I have are always busy on weekends and can never do anything. My therapist said I was making excuses and could find new friends, which I guess it partly true. She then explained to me how to start a conversation to ask someone to go somewhere with me. “So, what are you doing this weekend? Oh really, nothing? Oh, then we should go to the mall or something.” No dip, sherlock. I know how to socialize, I just can’t.</p> <p>On the car ride home, me and my mom had an argument for the first time in a long time. She said that she thinks that I spend too much time blogging/commenting on my friends’ blogs, like it’s taking over my life. She said that last year, in the worst of my ED, I “tricked” her into thinking everything was okay when really everything was falling apart. She just wants me to have one really good friend in real life that I can talk to, because I never tell her what’s going on in my head and she doesn’t know if I’m relapsing or what. She says she understands that it’s hard to make plans, and just wishes someone would invite me somewhere and things would be “back to normal”. I got really upset and said “Do you think I want to be like this! No, I miss the way it used to be!” I can’t make her understand that my ED has ruined everything, there’s no way of knowing what normal is anymore. It’s not my fault no one asks me to go anywhere anymore. It’s not my fault that every friend I make leaves me for someone else! I’ve been trying to make plans with my friends, even some new people, but they always fall through the cracks. I can’t stand being blamed for something that is out of my control. I don’t know what to do. The relationship I have with you all is more real than any that I’m having in real life. If I couldn’t blog, I think I’d be even more depressed.</p> <p>I was very tempted to restrict when I got home. It seems that that’s my preferred coping method these days. But, it’s only been a week since the last time I slipped and I’m just starting to build myself up again. So I didn’t. I pushed through my snack, because not eating isn’t going to solve anything.</p> <p>Ummm, good morning, loves! Have a lovely wednesday!</p> <div class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent" id="scid:0767317B-992E-4b12-91E0-4F059A8CECA8:4693dc66-c93d-4371-9c7b-98f2a88e4918" style="padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; float: none; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-top: 0px">Technorati Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tags/popcorn" rel="tag">popcorn</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/apple" rel="tag">apple</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/cheese" rel="tag">cheese</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/sandwich" rel="tag">sandwich</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/guacamole" rel="tag">guacamole</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/pear" rel="tag">pear</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/homemade+bar" rel="tag">homemade bar</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/cookie+dough" rel="tag">cookie dough</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/oats" rel="tag">oats</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/greek" rel="tag">greek</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/cauliflower" rel="tag">cauliflower</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/yogurt" rel="tag">yogurt</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/veggies" rel="tag">veggies</a></div> Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-55541404499140060692009-04-06T19:57:00.002-04:002009-04-07T10:47:06.899-04:00Two types of Greek yogurt!<p>Hello, blogland. Thanks again for all your reassuring comments. I’m overall feeling much better today than I have been for the past few days. I want to gradually up my cals to 2300 or 2400 again, since that’s about what I was maintaining on before. I’m hoping that I haven’t ruined my metabolism already! I think I’ll add 100 cals every other day, maybe? </p> <p>I had quite a relaxing day. It started raining so I pretty much just stayed inside in my Scotty-dog jammies until my mom came home! I also enjoyed watching college boys play basketball outside my window, hehe. At one point I started to feel really anxious because the rain ruined my plans to go out for a walk and burn cals. I started pacing until I realized how irrational I was being and ate a snack. That calmed me down quite a bit! One day of missed exercise is not going to matter, in the grand scheme of things. Isn’t it ironic how the thing ED wants us to avoid the most is usually what makes us realize how backward his logic is?</p> <p>Yesterday we went to a crafts fair. All the jewelry and clothes were too overpriced so we got food-related stuff, of course. I got a HUGE ceramic bowl, I can’t wait to eat something out of it. We also got the best pure maple syrup in the world. I forget why it’s so special, but it tastes buttery. Mmm. My mom got peach crumble bread that I don’t want to eat because it has trans fats.</p><p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYPjBiJEI/AAAAAAAABMs/XXQfBBx4UP0/s1600-h/pics%20003%5B10%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 003" style="border-width: 0px; display: inline;" alt="pics 003" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYP4PKQnI/AAAAAAAABMw/2v5q1lcn-sY/pics%20003_thumb%5B6%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" border="0" width="244" height="184" /></a> </p> <p>For breakfast this morning, I had super apple oatbran! Which is oatbran cooked in “sweet apple chamomile” tea topped with applesauce, apple butter, and a crumbled graham cracker.<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYQXJFW4I/AAAAAAAABM0/sMmN5OyLywQ/s1600-h/pics%20009%5B2%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 009" style="border-width: 0px; display: inline;" alt="pics 009" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYQ4fm4yI/AAAAAAAABM4/_caPWvcAeug/pics%20009_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" border="0" width="244" height="184" /></a> </p> <p>Lunch time rolled around and I wanted a sandwich! We got wholly guacamole yesterday with a coupon. Wow, where has it been all my life? Soo yummy. Esp. on a grilled sammich with refried black beans. I also had cauliflower, a corn muffin (scroll) and OIKOS!<a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYRi8-4uI/AAAAAAAABNM/43p9uzVVllE/s1600-h/pics%20012%5B2%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 012" style="border-width: 0px; display: inline;" alt="pics 012" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYSNynGlI/AAAAAAAABNQ/yFO-PvZykFs/pics%20012_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" border="0" width="244" height="184" /></a> </p> <p>I tried the plain kind today, topped with strawberries, honey, and honey nut cheerios. I tried a plain bite and it was delicious. It’s very thick and creamy. I love plain greek yogurt and eat it quite a bit, so this didn’t seem as “tangy” to me as some of you have been saying it is. It was definitely tangier than Chobani. I still have a vanilla Oikos to sample, but so far, Oikos is beating Chobani for me. Thanks for the coupons, <strong>Kristina!</strong></p><p>Snack needs no explanation.</p> <p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYS83bnFI/AAAAAAAABNc/FoPx0V2BKv4/s1600-h/pics%20017%5B2%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 017" style="border-width: 0px; display: inline;" alt="pics 017" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYTUGdBpI/AAAAAAAABNg/rXaOWTjdbeI/pics%20017_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" border="0" width="244" height="184" /></a> </p> <p>First, I will share last night’s dinner because it was so delicious! I made healthy <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Healthy-Cornbread-Muffins-234579">corn muffins</a>. I accidentally used an extra 1/3 c. liquid and it resulted in the fluffiest, moistest, best corn muffins ever. I also had TJ’s baked beans, and spinach chips. Perfect meal.<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYT6-3zNI/AAAAAAAABNs/gVZZRahZEcs/s1600-h/pics%20007%5B2%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 007" style="border-width: 0px; display: inline;" alt="pics 007" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYUWtBtsI/AAAAAAAABN4/8h2o8vk871Q/pics%20007_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" border="0" width="244" height="184" /></a></p> <p>Tonight’s dinner was equally delicious. We made <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Impossibly-Easy-Spinach-Parmesan-Pie-57882">spinach-parmesan pie</a>. This was sort of like an upside down quiche, with a greek twist. There was a nice nutmeg-y crust on top with yummy cheese and spinach on the bottom. Had it with kale chips and the last of the corn muffins.</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYUwHkkYI/AAAAAAAABN8/8UMbqsguRdw/s1600-h/pics%20020%5B5%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 020" style="border: 0px none ; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" alt="pics 020" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYVbe1nUI/AAAAAAAABOI/MaCjv9eiRec/pics%20020_thumb%5B3%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" border="0" width="244" height="184" /></a></p> <p>So far for my night snack, which is my first increase, I’ve had Cyclops Greek-style frozen yogurt, banana flavor. I got this at WF because I saw it was being discontinued. It’s so much better than regular frozen! It’s very soft like soft-serve, and it’s tangy like Greek yogurt should be. The banana flavor isn’t artificial, and there are actual chunks of real fruit. Why don’t I ever notice these delish things until they’re about to be discontinued?<br /></p><p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYV2JGGzI/AAAAAAAABOU/ZybBseAdz0U/s1600-h/pics%20001%5B2%5D.jpg"><img title="pics 001" style="border: 0px none ; display: inline;" alt="pics 001" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_N4nfO-AA3UA/SdqYWfiBBZI/AAAAAAAABOg/7hJMgsx2qS4/pics%20001_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" border="0" width="244" height="184" /></a></p> <p>That’s all for now, loves! Sorry about the weird layout of this post, but I’m experimenting withWindows Live Writer and haven’t quite figured it out yet. Bear with me! Night.</p><p>Make sure you hit up the <a href="http://www.hungryyogini.com/2009/04/06/fage-yogurt-reviews-and-a-giveaway/">Fage Yogurt Giveaway</a> from the <a href="http://www.hungryyogini.com/">Hungry Yogini</a>!<br /></p>Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-45401114588952897852009-04-04T19:13:00.011-04:002009-04-06T09:52:53.553-04:00On my way up, again.Thank you so much to everyone who left comments on my last post. I cried every time I read a new comment, no kidding! I wrote down a lot of your helpful advice, for the next time a mood like this strikes. I realize that there will always be ups and downs in recovery, and I should expect them. Just last week, I was doing so well, but WHAM, out of nowhere comes ED. I don't really know what else to say, but it means the world to me to have people going through the same thing as me leave me such caring responses. I don't know what I'd do without blogging!<br /><br />I suppose that I'm still in a "down" of recovery. Sorry to post numbers but since Wednesday my cals have been at 1600 (three meals and a little snack), with exercise. Which is significantly lower than they need to be. I guess I could just add all my missed calories back, in one fell swoop, but I don't want to overwhelm myself and lose even more progress. My issue right now is that I can't make myself care about the consequences of ED. Like, I was on a walk yesterday in 60 degree weather and was shivering. I thought "This will feel ten times worse if I have no fat on me." And today, I couldn't concentrate on my cello or in ballet, and remembered how I felt that way every day when I was at my lowest. But the thing is, every time I think of a way that ED will ruin my life, I just shrug it off and think about how happy I'll be when I start losing weight again. The rational side of me knows that this is wrong, but I feel like ED has no consequences for me. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense in my head. I'm just going to trust that when I was still in my positive, pro-recovery mode, I was doing the right thing.<br /><br />Since this is a food blog, I suppose that I'll post some food pics! Even though I was feeling triggered this morning, I was still in the mood for some weekend morning baking. It makes me feel peaceful. I made <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Classic-Bran-Muffins-63584">bran muffins</a>, subbing a banana for the raisins. Usually I don't associate bran muffins with the word yummy, but these were spectacular! They had just the right amount of sweetness, and the bran flavor was subtle. I ate them warm out of the oven and enjoyed biting into the chunks of caramelized banana!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtaTTObbzkhREI-jZlaT9vQo4Eh3kubDimFsyY3EXaeqH5VXj9orYIAxi5sNiwvV0BNeH-1Wj-Z84gBFpHUnH2xPtl-wZKIq9977DsWUSjgTe2BwC9q6_7mj9mnR_fw0afGG0-PkkXtTPY/s1600-h/pics+005.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtaTTObbzkhREI-jZlaT9vQo4Eh3kubDimFsyY3EXaeqH5VXj9orYIAxi5sNiwvV0BNeH-1Wj-Z84gBFpHUnH2xPtl-wZKIq9977DsWUSjgTe2BwC9q6_7mj9mnR_fw0afGG0-PkkXtTPY/s320/pics+005.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320991157390552610" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQp4ariBjdLkOZ91cETnRz5IsZ1LdnQptwDfmX3yPGk1elyE6KbPJHEiikXKEYr-NUl482rrHw0r96-dHgq2Hazo0bx6qXZ-qybaMVggjGyX01olLJtZXbl8WWXjHWDcOS_8CgTJmAZdur/s1600-h/pics+010.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQp4ariBjdLkOZ91cETnRz5IsZ1LdnQptwDfmX3yPGk1elyE6KbPJHEiikXKEYr-NUl482rrHw0r96-dHgq2Hazo0bx6qXZ-qybaMVggjGyX01olLJtZXbl8WWXjHWDcOS_8CgTJmAZdur/s320/pics+010.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320991175868066786" border="0" /></a><br />After breakfast I went to ballet. It was mehhh, I won't go into specifics. Lunch was eaten at the mall <span style="font-style: italic;">again. </span>My sister usually comes with me and my mom to my ballet class and seems to think that we have to stop at the mall and eat every time. I hate it. I got a subway veggie delite with cheese, assorted veggies, and olive oil. Imagine a bag of baked lays chips with this too.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwAZeVfXWJorG0FblbePG5pcnhB0q7K0t2e84vfjet21tAj02i9wjLFGWfET5X94kJXORw9R8SlVEkbirXjj2HKitJwaqOnGXZInomfwp8d-jodcYbSCEA_I8PHuJ_aaDerfbJlgeJeBDF/s1600-h/subway.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwAZeVfXWJorG0FblbePG5pcnhB0q7K0t2e84vfjet21tAj02i9wjLFGWfET5X94kJXORw9R8SlVEkbirXjj2HKitJwaqOnGXZInomfwp8d-jodcYbSCEA_I8PHuJ_aaDerfbJlgeJeBDF/s320/subway.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320986543430297826" border="0" /></a><br />I decided to add my afternoon snack back today. My favorite, an english muffin with CC and applesauce, kiwi, and sunflower seed butter. I won't lie- I cried while I was eating this. Why is it so easy to take away calories, but so hard to add them back? So easy to slip and lose progress, and so hard to gain it back? I'm just going to keep taking small steps like this until I get my intake where it needs to be again, I think.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw3cu2YBnC7sgsSzV9lKKDdKXLki2AsfWRZl3-k67QLyxPhIs32man3fxITT5EprZv7qNZ9zmYgmtfzEi0Ajp4OEeqNXIJse-TdD7h5oQ1kNgJTu78gTFcQST8I4_n_AK6VRB4SvHh97h6/s1600-h/pics+015.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw3cu2YBnC7sgsSzV9lKKDdKXLki2AsfWRZl3-k67QLyxPhIs32man3fxITT5EprZv7qNZ9zmYgmtfzEi0Ajp4OEeqNXIJse-TdD7h5oQ1kNgJTu78gTFcQST8I4_n_AK6VRB4SvHh97h6/s320/pics+015.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320986554684645778" border="0" /></a><br />Then I went to Whole Foods! Nothing like a little grocery shopping therapy. Here are my purchases:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje2DUQY2bTWD7bLm0eokM5p28J6bpwuzGkrc05OSnx5pNgAjyC4RkeQwzFDMA1cJpLi2XcF-uV414WitCnmfhaChb27mmqlDiY2gGiF9oIC1jGwikfwRROYBPtiZuE8cL3U0zAwpw0PI6w/s1600-h/pics+013.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje2DUQY2bTWD7bLm0eokM5p28J6bpwuzGkrc05OSnx5pNgAjyC4RkeQwzFDMA1cJpLi2XcF-uV414WitCnmfhaChb27mmqlDiY2gGiF9oIC1jGwikfwRROYBPtiZuE8cL3U0zAwpw0PI6w/s320/pics+013.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320986546038505202" border="0" /></a>Apples, strawberries, one vanilla and one plain Oikos (using my coupons! can't wait to try them), a Rachel's yogurt, passionfruit Zico coconut water, my favorite lemon vanilla cashew nectar bar, pretzels, multi grain rice cakes, NP flax plus granola bars, refried black beans, NP fig waffles (!!!!!!!) and Cyclops Greek style banana frozen yogurt.<br /><br />For dinner, I made my favorite, polenta! Using <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Soft-Oven-Polenta-84268">my favorite recipe</a>, feta and mozarella as the cheeses. If you've never had polenta, try this recipe! It's so creamy but so easy to make. I had it with kale chips, and a slice of homemade bread. Perfect meal.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJbk9ptcXE2QFcRbDKCrJg4sV5fEi_5X0tQRgvZotkI28EvpKTpx8Womg0Vzcu39m69ID4DwzPKHchfJDwLbyqcCoNuwXtldZohyqJssRHcyLu5CqumC6K1GHlmtD7BKBHz4isYT6i6Hz-/s1600-h/pics+017.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJbk9ptcXE2QFcRbDKCrJg4sV5fEi_5X0tQRgvZotkI28EvpKTpx8Womg0Vzcu39m69ID4DwzPKHchfJDwLbyqcCoNuwXtldZohyqJssRHcyLu5CqumC6K1GHlmtD7BKBHz4isYT6i6Hz-/s320/pics+017.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320986560837606306" border="0" /></a><br />As you may have noticed, I <span style="font-style: italic;">tried </span>to change my blog layout today. The background is supposed to look like <a href="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/free-backgrounds/free-backgrounds/item/441/asInline">this</a>, but it's not centered properly. I changed my template to minima and used <a href="http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/blog-secrets/145-how-to-get-a-3-column-template">these instructions</a> for getting a 3 column template to see if that would center it, but it didn't work. Anyone know what I'm doing wrong?<br /><br />Love you all so much! Good night!<br /><br />Arg, where is my head? Don't forget to enter the <a href="http://chocolatecoveredkatie.wordpress.com/">CCV in a box giveaway</a>!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-36879489964301957482009-04-02T19:15:00.003-04:002009-04-04T16:48:19.890-04:00Life is unfair.Please, please, please, PLEASE, don't read this if you get triggered easily.<br /><br />Well, on the bright side, my school orchestra got straight 1s at festival yesterday! Music groups get graded on a scale of 1-5, with 1 being the best and 5 being the worst. This means we're going to state festival, woo!<br /><br />Now that that's over with.. I haven't brought this up yet, I don't think, but my school orchestra director is the best teacher I've ever had. She's actually an English teacher, but she has played the violin and viola her whole life and volunteered to be our school orchestra director at the beginning of the school year. She's really young, only 23, so she seems like "one of us". She has really helped our orchestra connect this year. On the one hand, she's an amazing musician and can just pick up a violin and play along with us perfectly. On the other hand, she's really funny and witty and smart, and just makes everyone feel better when they're in her class. Because of her, everyone in my orchestra is friends with each other, rather than just acquaintances from orchestra. Yesterday we were on the bus on the way to festival and a couple girls asked if she would drive us to Union Station to perform at Christmas time again. She said "I didn't want to tell you this today, but I won't be here next year. I'm getting transferred." They over-staffed my school this year, so the newest teacher (my director) has to be transferred to a different school.<br /><br />My director is being replaced with the director of the bands at our school. She hates us, and all children as a matter of fact. Yesterday, one of her bands tried to play an April fool's joke on her by playing a rock song when she cued them for scales. She didn't laugh, she just stared at them and then started screaming! No no no no, a music director <span style="font-style: italic;">has </span>to have a sense of humor. Even though I'm not all that close to my director, she's still made a huge influence on me. When I'm with my friends from orchestra, I let go of all my self conscious ED feelings, and I feel more like myself that when I'm with anyone else. It's not going to be the same next year without her. Our new director isn't going to drive us to a restaurant, letting five of us cram into the backseat of her car, cracking up the whole time! She won't drive us to Union Station, to play in front of the Christmas tree and see a movie and eat ice cream. Because of my director, I've been able to connect with people far more than I ever thought I'd be able to. It's not fair. I finally feel like I belong, with my director and all the kids in my orchestra, and now that's all being pulled out from under me because of over-staffing.<br /><br />We went out to Chipotle last night, it was okay. It was really crowded so our whole orchestra was separated into small groups and we couldn't talk to each other from across the restaurant. I ate about 2/3 of a veggie burrito with no cheese, because I had missed my snack and knew I needed it. Everything went downhill when I got home. I started feeling really depressed about my director leaving. Then I started thinking about how this time last year, I was in the worst of my ED, and I'm so much bigger now. I locked myself in my room and cried for a really really long time. It felt nice. I started to feel hungry but then I thought "No, you aren't hungry. You aren't craving anything. How can you think of food with how you're feeling now?" So I didn't eat, I had a bottle of water and went to bed. Things haven't improved much today, I'm sorry to say. I've eaten my three main meals, but I've skipped most of my snacks, where my parents won't notice I'm skimping. I really apologize if this is triggering to anyone.<br /><br />I went to group today, and talked about what's been happening. The girls were so sweet, I could tell that they were trying to pull my mood back up. I was on the verge of tears for the entire hour, because I knew that I couldn't believe what they told me. Or ED couldn't. I don't know, damn. One of them told me that life is hard, but what's even harder is taking care of yourself through it all. Another girl said that people may come and go in my life, but they'll all make a lasting impression on me that will shape who I am in the future. All of them tried to emphasize how far I've come since I started group, and how much I'd lose if I relapsed back into old behaviors. One of the girls, who's been through a ton of IP, talked to me outside of the group room and told me that she knows what it's like to have someone you care about taken away from you. She asked if I was feeling any better and all I could do was smile and shake my head no.<br /><br />Two days ago I said I was ready to kill whatever part of ED is still clinging to me. And now.. now, I have just super-glued ED to me again. I don't know what I'm going to do over spring break next week. My parents will be out working mostly, I won't have friends at school to keep me distracted while I'm eating. I don't have group, so there's no one for me to talk to next week either. Things could get worse in terms of eating and exercising. Or, I could be back on track by spring break, that was the goal I made for group. I just feel like that "flame of recovery" that has been burning inside of my for the past almost-year has been blown out.<br /><br />I'm sorry for such a crap post. So sorry. I'm confused and my head hurts. Goodnight.Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-24918908592452127922009-03-31T16:14:00.011-04:002009-03-31T20:12:02.461-04:00What now?I'm posting two days in a row because I'll probably skip posting tomorrow. We have festival for orchestra (big competition where all the schools in the county compete) which will take up my whole afternoon. Then afterward, I'm going out to Chipotle with the orchestra kids! Eek. Going out to eat is usually pretty easy though, for some reason it feels safer than eating something my mom makes for me.<br /><br />Thank you all for the support on my last post.. I never know how to express my gratitude enough. The rational side of me knows that my grades don't define me. But ED tells me that he's always right, of course I'm worthless if I'm not perfect in everything. It makes me feel so much better to have everyone enforce my healthy side, so thank you! What I learned from your comments: No one will care about a B in five years, B's are human, I tried my hardest, no one is perfect. If I keep saying those, I'll start to believe them.<br /><br />I only have a picture of part of breakfast because I was lazy! I had a glass of 1% milk, an apple with PB, and applesauce & crystallized ginger oats w/ a crumbled graham cracker.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxBqfyT4O0ZNpiMQy94yoPREzDuxPZ8tDuXoGMYQcarFbe92TvYjnbNuLxCVKpLBD3WZn4ZbgJCtnpu3WDwUalCwOLdX6Zz2-5Ouw3-d9hR2mDlEQoJfpaVJAcEmhDNRFRaz_ykDzfC4tQ/s1600-h/oats.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxBqfyT4O0ZNpiMQy94yoPREzDuxPZ8tDuXoGMYQcarFbe92TvYjnbNuLxCVKpLBD3WZn4ZbgJCtnpu3WDwUalCwOLdX6Zz2-5Ouw3-d9hR2mDlEQoJfpaVJAcEmhDNRFRaz_ykDzfC4tQ/s320/oats.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319499810471128594" border="0" /></a><br />I wanted to use up the last two slices of store-bought bread in the fridge before I started eating my homemade stuff. I made a PB and cran apple butter sammich, and also had cauliflower, a Zbar, and Chobby Wob.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1EoaIAEWqIqf6GXUtXR7A2dt0OzYpVD1tQFb0mrkCgh5-GxhhOZ71PYqgREk_WGjuVxB0Ah3MwkGw600YKlWKPZ59Lq89_UCfGakgpf0iQ39mUcRsqxB3WUXjHY4JgfiJ7xBh8Z-sLRrE/s1600-h/lunch.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1EoaIAEWqIqf6GXUtXR7A2dt0OzYpVD1tQFb0mrkCgh5-GxhhOZ71PYqgREk_WGjuVxB0Ah3MwkGw600YKlWKPZ59Lq89_UCfGakgpf0iQ39mUcRsqxB3WUXjHY4JgfiJ7xBh8Z-sLRrE/s320/lunch.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319499813453128194" border="0" /></a><br />Snacky time. Whole wheat english muffin with CC & applesauce, an apple (because I really really like apples), and sunflower seed butter.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYtcyze4N0I6beJpzvWwJpLFolR_JOGRfSKzK0nIEOac_ltMYB3oLCsNGCVZUkJQMBCMShgBAptV7eeagju4zYIG7evEe3IQaHx5Ttz5c2OgnQ8kWKT6AivUjDFyt4Tmg3cRVpdJsiQMRS/s1600-h/pics+003.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYtcyze4N0I6beJpzvWwJpLFolR_JOGRfSKzK0nIEOac_ltMYB3oLCsNGCVZUkJQMBCMShgBAptV7eeagju4zYIG7evEe3IQaHx5Ttz5c2OgnQ8kWKT6AivUjDFyt4Tmg3cRVpdJsiQMRS/s320/pics+003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319499820787840818" border="0" /></a><br />It was Mexican night for dinner. While the rest of the family had beef tacos, I made my own yummy veggie ones. I sauteed zucchini, tomatoes, red onion, green pepper, cumin and chili powder in olive oil. Then I put them in corn taco shells and topped them with shredded cheddar. I also had TJ's Spanish white beans. The beans were okay, didn't taste very Spanish too me. Mostly like veggie broth.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJw1kTuKSrEuYE8oKY3CwYOxFp3yH4ewp-HlCoxT86_tf0gUw1zeIOr2u-yCyUxddeeRrbWb-n9294L4YeTbOAFRMD9ysreBYHuUOKkUiT0Hz6hpynVzqXMxoEhSK_ZFhRiZvIJ5t2Ur0N/s1600-h/pics+005.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJw1kTuKSrEuYE8oKY3CwYOxFp3yH4ewp-HlCoxT86_tf0gUw1zeIOr2u-yCyUxddeeRrbWb-n9294L4YeTbOAFRMD9ysreBYHuUOKkUiT0Hz6hpynVzqXMxoEhSK_ZFhRiZvIJ5t2Ur0N/s320/pics+005.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319508619831924290" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6cVexOf4LCjxdPlu-D5NR9RF4ufQB1WrhFjP5SQiBl54ekD_rDfnJCQw0_N8YuHdFATOTUjHUpnwrloRCVPDGLK6zJ37t2ZFYAadDXsLV8QvktuHjlGQgfM9HPADrE6oYqrcnSsTDM5mr/s1600-h/pics+006.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6cVexOf4LCjxdPlu-D5NR9RF4ufQB1WrhFjP5SQiBl54ekD_rDfnJCQw0_N8YuHdFATOTUjHUpnwrloRCVPDGLK6zJ37t2ZFYAadDXsLV8QvktuHjlGQgfM9HPADrE6oYqrcnSsTDM5mr/s320/pics+006.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319508614294103794" border="0" /></a><br />Oh and I forgot to post this yesterday. The lovely <span style="font-weight: bold;">Kristina </span>from Stonyfield Farms sent me coupons for Oikos! And a cute reusable shopping bag and coupons for normal yogurt. I'm so excited! I'll have to get my mom to take me to Whole Foods this weekend so I can try Oikos.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje3AmCQXjeBYsbPtXUhDfPLLOJevxvEaYbaNiC94IyWIQAQvSOOSmzmjzEhLCo3MWSxoxYE1-HOAQC7vsDAWCR78ceyV7GoQEmgJXnYnwuwo2_vkDWiPdQK5ZUp823LSvFKDbM2IaWuNBh/s1600-h/pics+041.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje3AmCQXjeBYsbPtXUhDfPLLOJevxvEaYbaNiC94IyWIQAQvSOOSmzmjzEhLCo3MWSxoxYE1-HOAQC7vsDAWCR78ceyV7GoQEmgJXnYnwuwo2_vkDWiPdQK5ZUp823LSvFKDbM2IaWuNBh/s320/pics+041.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319501170191849346" border="0" /></a><br />Today I had my cello lesson, but I didn't have therapy after, thank the lord. I don't think I talk about this much but my cello teacher is basically my therapist! She had depression as a teenager so she can relate to a lot of my fears. She also went through some disordered eating when she was in college. Anyway, she's very confident in herself now and is my mentor, and I feel way more comfortable talking to her than I do my real therapist. Tonight, I was talking to her about how in some ballet classes I'm happy with myself , and in others I hate myself and can't stand the way I look. I said that I hated the way my weight had distributed from gaining and I wished that some of the weight on my lower half would shift up. She looked at me and said "Where is that weight going to come from? There isn't any on you that can shift more. You look sick."<br /><br />Usually she's not so blunt. This quote kind of makes her seem mean, but I suppose she was just tired of beating around the bush. Anyway, it was just a really really huge slap in the face. Here I was, pinching my "fat" and wishing that I hadn't let myself go past my safe weight. But now the woman I look up to most says I still look ill? Her comment totally put things into proportion for me. I trust her.. she obviously sees what damage I'm doing to my body and mind by staying here. I'm kind of scared, actually! I don't want to be sick Kiki anymore, just Kiki. Happy, healthy, Kiki. So now I've come to this conclusion. Now I don't know what to do next.<br /><br />I'm going to go think for a while, I suppose. Night!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-59486187150098182592009-03-30T14:56:00.009-04:002009-03-31T16:16:38.787-04:00Creativity.. occupies the cat?I didn't have school today because the teachers were working on our report cards for the 3rd marking period. We can totally just check our grades online on Edline so this was a bogus holiday, but I'm not complaining. I checked my grades this morning and I have an A in everything except for geometry. 88.8%. AHHHHHHHH! I figured out that if I had just gotten 5 points higher on various tests I would have an A. Let it be noted that I have not had anything lower than an A on my report card since I was in 5th grade. I intended on keeping it that way, but my teacher won't bump my grade up so I'm stuck with a B. I know that technically, if I get an A next marking period, I'll have an A average for the semester and that's what colleges will see. But just knowing that I'm less that perfect is killing me! I realize that I'm the typical perfectionist anorexic, I'm finding it one of the hardest parts of my illness to let go. One little less-than-perfect blemish is all it takes to bring me down.<br /><br />If I was still at my lowest, I would use this as an excuse to restrict my cals and exercise more as "punishment" for not being perfect. But today, I did everything possible to keep myself from thinking of my grade. First distraction: Baking bread.<br /><br />I've never baked yeast bread before. Oh wait, scratch that, I did when I was in second grade. I decided that it would be a good hands on type of baking project that would keep my mind occupied, so I went for it. First (yes, there is a second!) I made <a href="http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1450197/whole_wheat_bread_recipe_delicious_pg2.html?cat=22">this</a> recipe because it looked easy and good for beginners. I had to add a fair bit of extra water because the dough wasn't turning into a ball. And even though I kneaded it for twice as long as the recipe says, it didn't become "elastic". I just went with it and let it rise, then made two different types of loaves. One is a free-form baguette-ish thing, and the other is baked in a small loaf pan.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghNgNZqFiRAjSs0_3JNFLUVfb204d3k2Z_wOD8d0ooPgVXWYHggaxnpowBTYn3RGegFgTn3RSveQ7Pr_iwmnK68o7gzBropbJWAv4E2kEEXxM7jrvpDBtoCN-Q9KZuy21iYHTgyVN_leLB/s1600-h/pics+006.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghNgNZqFiRAjSs0_3JNFLUVfb204d3k2Z_wOD8d0ooPgVXWYHggaxnpowBTYn3RGegFgTn3RSveQ7Pr_iwmnK68o7gzBropbJWAv4E2kEEXxM7jrvpDBtoCN-Q9KZuy21iYHTgyVN_leLB/s320/pics+006.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319122135376042530" border="0" /></a>I was pleased with how the free-form turned out, but I was disappointed that the one in the pan (the square one) didn't rise much. I tried a small slice and it's very tasty though! This crust is really crunchy, and the actual bread is dense and wheat-y. That's really the only way I can describe it, you just have to trust me when I say it tasted good.<br /><br />Then I took a breakfast break. I had an apple with PB. Then I had oats cooked in 1% topped with crushed puffins, strawbs, and dark choco chips. I'm liking cooking my oats in milk, it makes them calorie dense but they're very filling.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4LtASBFniH4hcWs-p_0CDcaqsGa7OV_S_tw2LwDqLRfffhUXp0nnpYlsEK5Gq742WwB4I_8MB6hWFkbT1Xw9S6sgKj3HnRFhAGRQYRShfWBcmHIJQhcEC2qcPB577FvbahyphenhyphenWy5fpgKYK_/s1600-h/pics+002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4LtASBFniH4hcWs-p_0CDcaqsGa7OV_S_tw2LwDqLRfffhUXp0nnpYlsEK5Gq742WwB4I_8MB6hWFkbT1Xw9S6sgKj3HnRFhAGRQYRShfWBcmHIJQhcEC2qcPB577FvbahyphenhyphenWy5fpgKYK_/s320/pics+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319122125773192498" border="0" /></a><br />I had planned to use the first loaves as sandwich bread but decided they didn't rise enough. So I started to make whole <a href="http://www.weheartfood.com/2008/03/taste-create-vii-whole-wheat-potato.html">wheat potato bread</a>, because it also looked fairly easy. I formed the dough and then made lunch. I made a mini laughing cow + sprout sammie with toasted bread #1, and had another slice with SSB. Also almonds (yay, healthy fats!), caulilflower and carrots, and a Kashi bar.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvkvcxTyLWwaBNNFSUKfg4oHg_DEEXuWJ-7-aOLbuHg4bU4a0oamIueDQChcRgXnjjneIG5lXHY6AgIfNHZw5ht-ZLQ3sfyQ8GYl746DGaQA2jkyswZjI4MYO9OLK49y055kNnrlfie8KO/s1600-h/pics+009.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvkvcxTyLWwaBNNFSUKfg4oHg_DEEXuWJ-7-aOLbuHg4bU4a0oamIueDQChcRgXnjjneIG5lXHY6AgIfNHZw5ht-ZLQ3sfyQ8GYl746DGaQA2jkyswZjI4MYO9OLK49y055kNnrlfie8KO/s320/pics+009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319122139949725970" border="0" /></a><br />After lunch I worked on my potato bread. I practiced my cello while it was baking- I felt so artsy, like I was in a movie! Although the dough seemed "elastic", it barely rose at all. It definitely did not look like the picture when I was done with it!!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYLAAZ-zwR3ABa_G36BJzg4Vl_mWsIaFZURtVZ8RURJIgbkKkVxrM5CCMg3jZe2Z0T9Slf2v5VpUEyhWcH15ljB3-I3daoiJ6YdKUWXzu3rg1BR-KZ8gLQtobMadmCYSN8fQZIPsspJly6/s1600-h/pics+047.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYLAAZ-zwR3ABa_G36BJzg4Vl_mWsIaFZURtVZ8RURJIgbkKkVxrM5CCMg3jZe2Z0T9Slf2v5VpUEyhWcH15ljB3-I3daoiJ6YdKUWXzu3rg1BR-KZ8gLQtobMadmCYSN8fQZIPsspJly6/s320/pics+047.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319122150071428706" border="0" /></a>See how flat it is? Why can't I bake bread? Maybe it has something to do with how cold it is in my house. We decided that we aren't going to use anymore heat until next winter, so it was 66 degrees in the house today.<br /><br />Somewhere along the line, I made a tunic out of a pillowcase. I used <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_4855137_tunic-pillowcase.html">these</a> intructions (haha I typed recipe) and an old floral pillowcase that doesn't match with any bedding in the house. I used to do crafty things like this all the time, but stopped when my life became devoted to counting cals. I'm glad my DIY side is coming back! This was a really easy project, and I'm pleased with how my tunic turned out. I think I'll take in the back though.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2RNrBmKwej6-PFl_lOs18u6yv2EOpLMo6h3DYJ_3k3NG5h2RFeJ4s-OABVQk3EJyGIO53Q2OGYyr8mk7hV3AICml74DTm8WuMBvXQQNlx6vpZAfWoT2Yv_fVbzN32YswRYbKBEKz1jK8L/s1600-h/pics+026.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2RNrBmKwej6-PFl_lOs18u6yv2EOpLMo6h3DYJ_3k3NG5h2RFeJ4s-OABVQk3EJyGIO53Q2OGYyr8mk7hV3AICml74DTm8WuMBvXQQNlx6vpZAfWoT2Yv_fVbzN32YswRYbKBEKz1jK8L/s320/pics+026.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319122143152711122" border="0" /></a><br />Before I went to ballet, I had a nanner with PB but you know what that looks like. Ballet went well again, don't have much to say about it. When I got home, I had plain yogurt with TJ's high fiber fruit & nut medley cereal. My mom thinks I'm a freak of nature for this, but I love this cereal! It tastes like raisin bran, but I like the wormish texture better. It has raisins, cranberries, almonds, and pecans in it but I've yet to run into any pecans.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjosTOA_J150jmG1iH1Mw5W1eV3s6ZLtbYtXRH6QoPoZKK26_GWCdYWRxTOHsxaFDmAdAk5RvIBhB1UmLg8ZvsbXgzUMUaPHcxISDDjU-_x6Ec4vZVtU6xQzTukEa6e4R0L4NMVNhxPQrEd/s1600-h/pics+045.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjosTOA_J150jmG1iH1Mw5W1eV3s6ZLtbYtXRH6QoPoZKK26_GWCdYWRxTOHsxaFDmAdAk5RvIBhB1UmLg8ZvsbXgzUMUaPHcxISDDjU-_x6Ec4vZVtU6xQzTukEa6e4R0L4NMVNhxPQrEd/s320/pics+045.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319124730479243458" border="0" /></a><br />For dinner I made one of my favorite recipes, chickpea & peanut stew. I added a bit more liquid than usual and it was still excellent. With two slices of bread #1, perfect for dipping in the stew!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_d8jyTHfiI40UsVnduly6nkzkbJzQTa-9G5j_1VlQI-_JwvksfAt48cqVCTJx6j55RR_UYd8rhWEi2pOnoB0IWmDlihGMKNYobZBy6XCS0EQkKtg9ha53napIt0yMn_8DlDqyvQj-iOdx/s1600-h/pics+049.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_d8jyTHfiI40UsVnduly6nkzkbJzQTa-9G5j_1VlQI-_JwvksfAt48cqVCTJx6j55RR_UYd8rhWEi2pOnoB0IWmDlihGMKNYobZBy6XCS0EQkKtg9ha53napIt0yMn_8DlDqyvQj-iOdx/s320/pics+049.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319124734053381058" border="0" /></a><br />That's all for now. I successfully kept myself from thinking of my imperfect report card all day, hopefully I can keep it up at school tomorrow. I'm going to get my stuff ready for school tomorrow, then watch Gossip Girl! Muhahaha.Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-5148043950047155612009-03-28T19:20:00.008-04:002009-03-28T19:59:56.691-04:00Dreary dayBuenas noches. Thanks for all the support regarding the comments I got yesterday. I'm not even really sad that L. isn't my friend anymore. She's so blase and doesn't have anything in common with me. I went to the mall with her once and we were trying on clothes. I asked if something looked good on me and she just shrugged her shoulders and texted someone else. Really. If she's not willing to work to be friends again, then fine, I'm better off without her!<br /><br />I had a smaller breakfast than usual this morning. Size wise, not calorie wise I mean. I feel like if I eat calorie dense foods then I'll never be full, and I'm really scared of that. This morning I challenged myself to chocolate cafe crumble oats! T'is oats cooked in 1% milk with a spoon of vanilla creme coffee, topped with a TJ's cafe twist and dark chocolate chips. Yums. I only ever have coffee on Saturday mornings because I need it to get through a long ballet class. Otherwise I stick to tea. I was mighty jumpy after this oatmeal!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwH6fRBF84Jgivb5IlC-NOo8l3xvSY78KJHn_LHu6JOGVMz8P1RP_a3gNQQCK_jwKDACHVP7_LtBTfyb4j-47UyYBevnGlckFtm55unrW2kMu4wxKQWqy0mHBNL8rE5gvW7Bph_7eh1AAE/s1600-h/pics+008.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwH6fRBF84Jgivb5IlC-NOo8l3xvSY78KJHn_LHu6JOGVMz8P1RP_a3gNQQCK_jwKDACHVP7_LtBTfyb4j-47UyYBevnGlckFtm55unrW2kMu4wxKQWqy0mHBNL8rE5gvW7Bph_7eh1AAE/s320/pics+008.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318384612606455410" border="0" /></a>I also had a banana with PB, and it held me over perfectly. Haha, another one of ED's lies is proven to be false! I actually felt more full after eating this than I do when I eat one of my larger breakfasts.<br /><br />Before I left for ballet I had almonds. Class went well, my muscles ache though. I feel like now that I'm allowed to exercise I should be doing some strength training. Not for ED's calorie burning purposes, I just want to dance as best as possible. Anyone have recommendations? Anyhow, there was barely any body checking during class today. I actually took the time to think of how much I appreciate by body for putting up with a dancer's workout. People who think ballet is a frilly sport have no idea! I know that if I was still emaciated and restricting, I wouldn't have enough energy to get through a class- I'd probably have to quit ballet in favor of keeping my disorder. Ballet is my passion though, and I would feel so empty without it. So today, I am thankful for having a healthy, strong, nourished body to help me do what truly makes me happy.<br /><br />This is most definitely a repeat pic, but for lunch my mom dragged me to the mall so I was forced to eat there. I got a vegetarian bowl from Maui Tacos, which consisted of brown rice, black beans, guacamole, lettuce, and homemade salsa.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHT4lc7eIZ-MmTO8EfOiaV1y2KQVPokSqbYKMaMJscGBG_YUqvan961JGGsI0Ja5jwvgpg4c7Mfy2tb-xeaHlDOwUUYEzK_8Nf8foKjlijMdfQxiHwakmxETknqcAVzGBpQv5HZhd0XKtJ/s1600-h/mt.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHT4lc7eIZ-MmTO8EfOiaV1y2KQVPokSqbYKMaMJscGBG_YUqvan961JGGsI0Ja5jwvgpg4c7Mfy2tb-xeaHlDOwUUYEzK_8Nf8foKjlijMdfQxiHwakmxETknqcAVzGBpQv5HZhd0XKtJ/s320/mt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318384633020651842" border="0" /></a><br />After the mall, I hit up my favorite store, Trader Joe's! My loot:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHE01L2RnMjkyhUWBKX9-y9YBYjMBJPxUZt8uwdmK9LXtdNquV1QdZFfn-a0moNPNqRUwmY1C9OmuMsXlm163PzfOlymWDSz2ukteWj3PCX5Y8Mf9X4rY1BG15SnHpmB11xbVlD9OpibR6/s1600-h/pics+009.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHE01L2RnMjkyhUWBKX9-y9YBYjMBJPxUZt8uwdmK9LXtdNquV1QdZFfn-a0moNPNqRUwmY1C9OmuMsXlm163PzfOlymWDSz2ukteWj3PCX5Y8Mf9X4rY1BG15SnHpmB11xbVlD9OpibR6/s320/pics+009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318384621748219490" border="0" /></a>Clementines, bananas, a Z bar, garlic hummus, baked beans, Spanish white beans, whole wheat "British" muffins, Laughing Cow spreadable cheese wedges, 2 French Village yogurts, 1 pom. Greek yogurt, and high fiber fruit & nut medly cereal.<br /><br />By the time I got home it was snack time. Who can guess what I had? Everyone. A british muffin with a laughing cow and applesauce, half a grapefruit, and PB. I love this snack because it's tasty, but also because I feel perfectly full after I eat it and so I don't think of food for hours on end.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYBSfYtMUW65jJ5xWoo9TUUPtT5_38liQahN_Jb27e4GheuJy-OX4yI5R6BKqoyyh7tiuiTfqXdRwEDxBq-B_-HPnYdf83N9k3cMljwIuJmxAVLEenEKMrD_nxiAwktr8N2_RXUqVrkTnf/s1600-h/pics+012.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYBSfYtMUW65jJ5xWoo9TUUPtT5_38liQahN_Jb27e4GheuJy-OX4yI5R6BKqoyyh7tiuiTfqXdRwEDxBq-B_-HPnYdf83N9k3cMljwIuJmxAVLEenEKMrD_nxiAwktr8N2_RXUqVrkTnf/s320/pics+012.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318384623900997282" border="0" /></a><br />Dinner featured one of my favorite grains, quinoa. I made <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Lemon-Herb-Quinoa-65131">lemon herb quinoa</a>, and upped the OO to 2.5 tbs. I quite liked this, the lemon made it taste very fresh and all the herbs complemented eachother perfectly. I also had a Quorn cutlet cooked in olive oil and oregano and the other grapefruit half.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_zmXemFK7784WuPOzi4ZaHOyk_ZPkyrcLVHChGM7iOh29TzWR6q8pWVMh4piItDYyY-0obRhIjUBijB8CDF8iaU8BPjJG9-uU_LF8Scmn9TxW2CURSuCUk_uPhvbluwiWBIO6tIFsdxQU/s1600-h/pics+018.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_zmXemFK7784WuPOzi4ZaHOyk_ZPkyrcLVHChGM7iOh29TzWR6q8pWVMh4piItDYyY-0obRhIjUBijB8CDF8iaU8BPjJG9-uU_LF8Scmn9TxW2CURSuCUk_uPhvbluwiWBIO6tIFsdxQU/s320/pics+018.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318384627728569266" border="0" /></a><br />The weather was dreary and gray today, and I woke up with a mood to match it. I always feel at least slightly affected by ED everyday, but didn't feel triggered anymore than usual today which was nice. I'm just feeling really depressed and tired. Ballet was the highlight of my day, because dancing always makes me feel better. I was at the mall with my mom forever. She kept making me walk all around to look at random stuff, and I was already tired from ballet and didn't want to do anymore walking. I was on the verge of tears the entire time because I just wanted to go home and sleep for a really long time. By the time we did get home, I didn't want to sleep and instead opted for wallowing in my misery. That's always helpful, right? My sister wants to watch a movie with me tonight but I don't want to be around people right now. Everything is making me nervous and angry. Argg sorry for whining, I hope this is gone by tomorrow.<br /><br />Goodnight, lovelies!<br /><br />P.S. I finally updated my blogroll to add all the awesome blogs I've been reading lately. I tried to add all of you, but I most likely left a few bloggers out. If you don't see your blog on the list, just tell me and I'll add it!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-18325064625570294822009-03-26T14:42:00.006-04:002009-03-27T20:04:53.945-04:00TGIF...Hola, mis amigas. Sorry for not posting yesterday. It was really rainy and windy (where is spring??) and my power got knocked out. Even though we have underground cables. I was sitting at the computer, typing a comment and the lights went out :[ They didn't come back on until 11 at night. So I'll probably post tomorrow night to make up for it. I am so glad it's Friday! This week seemed to stretch on forever. Probably because it's the week <span style="font-style: italic;">before</span> the week before spring break and it always lasts forever. Sorry for not coming up with a new acronym, I'm so tired.<br /><br />For breakfast among other things, I had oats topped with strawberries, dark choco chips, and HN cheerios. That seems to be the combo to turn to on school mornings.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWl_AY9FWMQIv3FxNDOxqibSr_oLzpiUNY5wz53EvZTmiLpG9g8vDKjxl1CypVgjKejvO47pJLBz1pU-4XlvD2oYJKEvltS0ueTkdk6AZE6pWNvdO7oE_yJIfZhii1eQPoDGKCtlg1zqlq/s1600-h/pics+005.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWl_AY9FWMQIv3FxNDOxqibSr_oLzpiUNY5wz53EvZTmiLpG9g8vDKjxl1CypVgjKejvO47pJLBz1pU-4XlvD2oYJKEvltS0ueTkdk6AZE6pWNvdO7oE_yJIfZhii1eQPoDGKCtlg1zqlq/s320/pics+005.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318014658707907346" border="0" /></a><br />Lunch was a PB+cran apple butter sammich, cauliflower, TJ's French Village yogurt, and a trek mix bar.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV_Apk4Z3TlWQqkBa4xyriDeErozTI2tA5lJuGLerDtAIxCcJJrXfHLwvIn6kCFQpL8VYaYs3FZOGSBzrZjcyy8YXZUFZGmHW1n1_DD52Zh6USIyqyFWEzPR1wKLR32Gy2YdhJ26yRZ7tB/s1600-h/pics+003.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV_Apk4Z3TlWQqkBa4xyriDeErozTI2tA5lJuGLerDtAIxCcJJrXfHLwvIn6kCFQpL8VYaYs3FZOGSBzrZjcyy8YXZUFZGmHW1n1_DD52Zh6USIyqyFWEzPR1wKLR32Gy2YdhJ26yRZ7tB/s320/pics+003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318014666329302882" border="0" /></a><br />Ack! My afternoon snack was also typical. Whole wheat english muffin with mozarella (out of cottage!) cheese & applesauce, spoon of sunflower seed butter and strawberries. I seem to be in a food rut for every meal except dinner. But I honestly like what I eat..<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWYdYXZLH6DWF498gDsRFdYSRTTMh_kRRSYyHlGr338So-GlafsV_XjvZ6Y4wHZjKeO0lzHKwsEepkHNiNBVXQ_9TLxvrNuKb2Rk1jv7S2jkBckYFWwG5nEFktF4NlPUHO9JmlJQJzArV6/s1600-h/pics+011.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWYdYXZLH6DWF498gDsRFdYSRTTMh_kRRSYyHlGr338So-GlafsV_XjvZ6Y4wHZjKeO0lzHKwsEepkHNiNBVXQ_9TLxvrNuKb2Rk1jv7S2jkBckYFWwG5nEFktF4NlPUHO9JmlJQJzArV6/s320/pics+011.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318014670243490962" border="0" /></a><br />Dinner was one of those challenge meals that I've been planning with my mom. She's trying to get my sister Allison to cook more, so Allison helped me make this. It's spaghetti pie from <a href="http://www.amazon.com/OK-So-Now-Youre-Vegetarian/dp/076790527X">OK, So Now You're a Vegetarian</a>. I don't use this cookbook much because I got it when I first went veg and was still dependent on a lot of cheese and eggs, versus fresh exotic veggie dishes. It does have some good recipes though. This was basically smart taste pasta with parmesan, then a layer of ricotta, then a layer of pasta sauce, and finally a layer of melted mozarella. So basically lasagna but with spaghetti. I had it with steamed spinach.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifFXKW6HItDWa5qhsATGFTc2F85R7IeXAxrKaWrfA3LI0YAQJBGMTQeVjo17C8N6_iqZFjpfPXcBmciyBnNpnbtr6LaiqYzuz3u1SPalHw__ai1isyx3_U9RdgBbYKT7xFxiR_ogD0utdV/s1600-h/pics+014.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifFXKW6HItDWa5qhsATGFTc2F85R7IeXAxrKaWrfA3LI0YAQJBGMTQeVjo17C8N6_iqZFjpfPXcBmciyBnNpnbtr6LaiqYzuz3u1SPalHw__ai1isyx3_U9RdgBbYKT7xFxiR_ogD0utdV/s320/pics+014.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318014669172420082" border="0" /></a>It was quite good! I'm okay with a sprinkle of cheese on my pasta, but having it in major amounts like this is a fear of mine. I reminded myself that non-ED people eat things much worse than this is restaurants without a second thought. I used to love things like this too. So I took a nice big slice and enjoyed every bite! Whoot!<br /><br />For dessert/first part of PM snack I had a key lime pie Larabar. I like this flavor, but it never tastes like key lime pie to me. It always seems more coconut-ish? Anyway, it doesn't compare to apple pie!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVI3kfTJU527saCfgb5ti623wLwVfVGcfKI6H6HINQtd-6i9OE2UwM4-duKoqhc5GFVf-4zcqkjokPufnm6bs-6LhjtzjeuSllL7OOxUbBYYvmjMBcqpzl6_zaw-3Wk3fvOp9GwcyD98yF/s1600-h/pics+009.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVI3kfTJU527saCfgb5ti623wLwVfVGcfKI6H6HINQtd-6i9OE2UwM4-duKoqhc5GFVf-4zcqkjokPufnm6bs-6LhjtzjeuSllL7OOxUbBYYvmjMBcqpzl6_zaw-3Wk3fvOp9GwcyD98yF/s320/pics+009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5318014674231160866" border="0" /></a><br />Today was sort of rough for a Friday. At lunch I was sitting with my friend, L, and her best guy friend, M. L used to be my best friend, but of course once ED began I started isolating myself from everyone and we drifted apart. Now that I actually want friends again, I can't remember why I ever wanted to be L's friend in the first place. We've hung out a few times recently and we can't even keep a conversation. So actually, she's probably only my acquaintance now. She's one of the few people I've ever told about my ED, although I think most people know I have one based on how I looked last year. Anyway, M was being stupid and said "Dur hurrr how do I count calories?" I know he was just kidding, he doesn't give a crap about calories. Then L said "I dunno, ask Kiki." Then M said "Oh right, I should've known."<br /><br />Infuriating! I was so upset that I got up and left the table. I've accepted that people are stupid when it comes to EDs and think they're just about counting calories and being skinny. I realize that they don't know when a comment like that could be triggering or hurtful. What bothers me is that I'm still thought of as the anorexic girl. When will I stop being seen as the calorie-counting one, and start being seen as Kiki? This. Ends. Now. I am so sick of being defined by my disorder. First I was doing it to myself, telling myself that I wasn't worth it if I didn't look "sick enough". Now I realize that people have been doing it to me for a year. I am finally starting to see who I am without my ED, and I'm ready for everyone else to see it too. From now on, I will not place my self-worth on what size I wear, what my BMI is, or how skinny I look. That's not how I want other people to see me, so I shouldn't see myself that way.<br /><br />Mkayy now I'm going to go curl up with a nice cuppa' tea. Make sure to check out the <a href="http://carrotsncake.com/2009/03/pure-bar-giveaway.html#comment-24595">Pure Bar Giveaway</a> on <a href="http://carrotsncake.com/">Carrot 'n' Cake</a>. Good night!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-12753029257669310612009-03-24T16:38:00.006-04:002009-03-24T20:56:35.369-04:00Shrinking wrappers!Hello, all. Thanks for the stellar boy advice.. I feel bad for saying he reminds me of a beaver! When did I become so mean? Anyway, yesterday he was really starting to get on my nerves. Like "What did you get on the test? A 94%? Hur hur har har huuuuuur of course." Then he asked how he could repay me for helping him get a B on the test, and I just said he couldn't and turned away. I think he got it because today he wasn't so eager to talk to me. Hopefully it'll last!<br /><br />And for the record, not all World Market stores are going out of business. I'm pretty sure that it's just the one near me. But it's probably an indication of how all the other stores are doing...<br /><br />The only part of breakfast that I have a picture of is this Zbar. I absentmindedly stuck the wrapper in with the bar in the microwave. I heard a really loud ZAP noised and realized what I'd done. I opened the microwave really fast, and look what happened! Whoops.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigIhdG0uqkx1haFkDRt2dpaezAiAo_IyW-cPM0KVRhwwjxMb6Up9MwNvxzP6E2k94H7c-ehm5JSFnp0U73L7t6QHNas55m08MPp1KyxMmY6QvBPQEl7owUFV9Ti_xQWfNzfs0StdI5Bwmm/s1600-h/pics+001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigIhdG0uqkx1haFkDRt2dpaezAiAo_IyW-cPM0KVRhwwjxMb6Up9MwNvxzP6E2k94H7c-ehm5JSFnp0U73L7t6QHNas55m08MPp1KyxMmY6QvBPQEl7owUFV9Ti_xQWfNzfs0StdI5Bwmm/s320/pics+001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316921435807034738" border="0" /></a><br />I shouldn't even post lunch anymore because it's so repetitive. But it was a sunflower seed + cran apple butter sammich, cauliflower, Trek Mix bar, and TJ's French Village yogurt. I'm sick of eating cauliflower. It's not even helping, my hands are still orange!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOPi2AFCAvtxlK2vO_LStElQzqYrCN4cJ4C5hHhN5w_KCrvVX4CfoX1jU83f4EPyNIntS0JI6e9FL6r_YdOwIIqHPrFU8DOIqYDAZ0Vh7MNsBbVJffsCYl379EKDhqWs_yCWeZNzEJElAj/s1600-h/pics+002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOPi2AFCAvtxlK2vO_LStElQzqYrCN4cJ4C5hHhN5w_KCrvVX4CfoX1jU83f4EPyNIntS0JI6e9FL6r_YdOwIIqHPrFU8DOIqYDAZ0Vh7MNsBbVJffsCYl379EKDhqWs_yCWeZNzEJElAj/s320/pics+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316921445636581010" border="0" /></a><br />This afternoon I went with my favorite snack of CC and applesauce on a whole wheat English muffin, a nectarine (which my father bought and I only ate because it was going bad, hate unseasonable fruit!) and PB.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI0tIc9ao4d82F2JXgVxfNBicNyvTHvHrCx4hOlV8MZ7GpCaV8Qoatb0rIDCBvkOdPOx0HK4TDmyQ6I4vF3hSaesmcAliNGoi-jX4nfS_UsnvdNlSAPOyt5wFkO_qB99W5xkzEi6xxnGSe/s1600-h/pics+004.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI0tIc9ao4d82F2JXgVxfNBicNyvTHvHrCx4hOlV8MZ7GpCaV8Qoatb0rIDCBvkOdPOx0HK4TDmyQ6I4vF3hSaesmcAliNGoi-jX4nfS_UsnvdNlSAPOyt5wFkO_qB99W5xkzEi6xxnGSe/s320/pics+004.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316921454733904146" border="0" /></a><br />Okay, NOW I'll share the dinner I had on Sunday because I used part of it in tonight's dinner. I made Sicilian lentil pasta sauce. This was the best pasta sauce ever! Very "meaty" and hearty. Go make it. On Sunday I had it over angle hair pasta. My mom insisted on using real, white pasta, and I just went with it. Yayy! With kale chips.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7elUZO3lQ9o3AWiqS6LCWv6L85JIvogJr3xJt-PLniRCnJqGMRXBXeMi5X6VNjeMZG8r-pN5F39X2QPfLOZAlnKiIZe7igHVfYXcMWAa6vUN6kWvH_9rEGaPT27jUufrTHzhpH8AFYd78/s1600-h/pics+021.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7elUZO3lQ9o3AWiqS6LCWv6L85JIvogJr3xJt-PLniRCnJqGMRXBXeMi5X6VNjeMZG8r-pN5F39X2QPfLOZAlnKiIZe7igHVfYXcMWAa6vUN6kWvH_9rEGaPT27jUufrTHzhpH8AFYd78/s320/pics+021.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316921457980068402" border="0" /></a><br />So tonight I used the leftover sauce to make a barley bowl, a la <a href="http://burpandslurp.wordpress.com/">Sophia</a>! Greek Italian fusion, I suppose? I combined 1 c cooked barley, splash of EVOO, 1/4 c feta, the rest of the sauce, and kalamata olives. Not attractive, but yumskies. With a nanner, and a cute mini New Tree mint dark chocolate. Tasted like a Thin Mint!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhShOdUW78SbIG2W0xp_4rXXN1cHhRBecAMy1A9YEmgu-6vFN9Ned-txaDKx4NJv22-N1yvHGmKTxxKQDiYGVggYHpzx8bhaXRBl2kdpKwxKLX2aPoq0ukL53Qsx1azVXfZdoVs1b07Hs0u/s1600-h/pics+005.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhShOdUW78SbIG2W0xp_4rXXN1cHhRBecAMy1A9YEmgu-6vFN9Ned-txaDKx4NJv22-N1yvHGmKTxxKQDiYGVggYHpzx8bhaXRBl2kdpKwxKLX2aPoq0ukL53Qsx1azVXfZdoVs1b07Hs0u/s320/pics+005.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316921456321426050" border="0" /></a><br />I ate that in the car on the way from cello to therapy. Therapy didn't go as badly as I expected it to. My therapist asked to see a post/comments from the blog. So I printed out my post and the comments from March 20th, minus the url (don't need her spying on me!) She seemed pleased with it, for the most part. She was happy that even though I have an iffy relationship with food, I'm still able to get pleasure out of making new recipes/discovering new foods. Therapist also pointed out how well I was able to connect with all of you! We agreed that one of the many causes of my ED was not having a group of people that I felt like I belonged to, so we're both happy that blogging is a place where I feel I fit in. I love you all, just to add. She said that since I'm able to show my personality and form relationships with people online so well, I should actually try it in real life! Which is a valid argument. It's so much harder for me to talk to people at my school because they don't share the same problems and feelings as my readers do.<br /><br />Right now, I'm munching on a thin mint. Gotta get that chocolate fix!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6f1ZCtHAsN9zOiBOqGQLYf8vc5LyCeUpI7ZiERUvpOc-9DHKEHHD4RnYrJCM2WEhp3mb_LuScMqeWbhYMetAE7dcrSbWr3NgK0P5z5dYA5PbEm8lXVRANRDw-4KHzpi9J48mbk2MKFG9p/s1600-h/pics+023.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6f1ZCtHAsN9zOiBOqGQLYf8vc5LyCeUpI7ZiERUvpOc-9DHKEHHD4RnYrJCM2WEhp3mb_LuScMqeWbhYMetAE7dcrSbWr3NgK0P5z5dYA5PbEm8lXVRANRDw-4KHzpi9J48mbk2MKFG9p/s320/pics+023.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316922514683263874" border="0" /></a><br />Goodnight, lovelies!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-23511554510388374602009-03-22T19:05:00.009-04:002009-03-23T14:31:49.308-04:00Lovely weekend!Evening, blogland. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend! Mine went pretty well. Yesterday I had ballet, which went pretty well. No cruddy body-checking, it was just a really physically challenging class. Then afterward I went to Trader Joe's and got lots of yummies. Then to TJMaxx. I sadly didn't buy anything because everything there is either too flashy or too big. I also went to World Market, which is going out of business. It was one of my favorite places to shop because I could get cool international food and clothes there. The shelves were full a month ago, but this is how it looks now:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqYwJwYjss4djyj6XPgSFHFsEKitDMs5qMavWJmjX4-YskxsSIrPWmXcgEJtXsR1FcYZxzfGO96fN0hwIG5bMhpwjShKfC4TvRa32avFpmN3Cvboy-QFNBqpBkorg9WaxgbR2GqpfYGZRb/s1600-h/pics+007.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqYwJwYjss4djyj6XPgSFHFsEKitDMs5qMavWJmjX4-YskxsSIrPWmXcgEJtXsR1FcYZxzfGO96fN0hwIG5bMhpwjShKfC4TvRa32avFpmN3Cvboy-QFNBqpBkorg9WaxgbR2GqpfYGZRb/s320/pics+007.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316153503552974066" border="0" /></a>Darn this economy.<br /><br />I pretty much just spent the day at home today, doing homework and practicing my music. I did go out grocery shopping though. I feel guilty because my goal for group this week was to socialize this weekend.. but obviously that didn't happen. On the bright side, ED didn't bother me at all!<br /><br />Yesterday morning I made <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Cheerio-Applesauce-Muffins-214118">applesauce Cheerio muffins</a>! I almost cried tears of joy when I found this recipe, because of my infatuation with Cheerios. I used honey nut, of course, and half white wheat flour. They were very fluffy and moist. But the Cheerios disappeared! This always seems to happen when you put cereal in baked goods. There was a nice touch of honey flavor.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVToKjLiDlQQBGUbCybVj_LT93um1BJNqT9kkqW7cCWe6HFjEfCWVSiorXquW0BVNXVc8FIKsIaEqmlgQqVxKK3CllB6eb5pIHgtZgx19B_wyPX9zpzNTYXyaIYZWicNUhWuCVdKX3lid9/s1600-h/pics+001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVToKjLiDlQQBGUbCybVj_LT93um1BJNqT9kkqW7cCWe6HFjEfCWVSiorXquW0BVNXVc8FIKsIaEqmlgQqVxKK3CllB6eb5pIHgtZgx19B_wyPX9zpzNTYXyaIYZWicNUhWuCVdKX3lid9/s320/pics+001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316153487294944130" border="0" /></a><br />And <span style="font-style: italic;">this </span>morning I tried <a href="http://dancingtorecovery.blogspot.com/2009/03/vegetative.html">Morgan's yogurt oats</a>. I used 1/3 c plain yogurt and 2/3 c water and they turned out so creamy and 'licious! I topped them with a chopped apple, brown sugar, cinnamon, and a graham cracker. I had other stuff too but this was the only picture I took.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW03SuRxYx88vxRKptsEL7gTKOB3L-tzzDSUr7nmQJUm1aDAw3Cc7CbwgN3kFNod9dj_pL9jPhGk9t0-S9RsJBJKYXvpCFNPwz_GXE7kxWvS5hkcENfS1j7qo8RG5XZ3Pk2pvwnZ0QQMda/s1600-h/pics+013.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW03SuRxYx88vxRKptsEL7gTKOB3L-tzzDSUr7nmQJUm1aDAw3Cc7CbwgN3kFNod9dj_pL9jPhGk9t0-S9RsJBJKYXvpCFNPwz_GXE7kxWvS5hkcENfS1j7qo8RG5XZ3Pk2pvwnZ0QQMda/s320/pics+013.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316153516286371138" border="0" /></a><br />I wasn't too hungry for my AM snack so I had gingerbread tea with milk and two Trader Joe's french twists for dipping. I saw these on <a href="http://simplyvegetarian.blogspot.com/">Brooke's blog</a> and picked them up yesterday. Her description was spot on, they were like flaky, crispy, cinnamon croissant puffs! Hard to believe that they're butter free.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaZDu9VtNLnSZgfyE-SALH1m3MZmyUQuDRLzo9djI29Im8S1JLUcBzQ4OlUsO8FjtoSSYmAk0kJ0DVqMb6lrtZct4VHkrpLNC_334BWAAcTXZAv3MKVKLQwygaotg9BWiXH80BEvyCZk0r/s1600-h/pics+011.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaZDu9VtNLnSZgfyE-SALH1m3MZmyUQuDRLzo9djI29Im8S1JLUcBzQ4OlUsO8FjtoSSYmAk0kJ0DVqMb6lrtZct4VHkrpLNC_334BWAAcTXZAv3MKVKLQwygaotg9BWiXH80BEvyCZk0r/s320/pics+011.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316153505113683154" border="0" /></a><br />Lunchikins was a sammich with dill hummus, veggie cream cheese and SPROUTS (my love!). Also plain yogurt with orange marmalade, cauliflower, and a Trek Mix bar.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyclHvjHmK6t0joKGeJkbKOUhLGbaA53xZTv9XsWw1UakmHnZ4OEO1avhhPN0XAIDbN2cLbWWn_MsT9dxRuwgILurF6P0RRDO7JGK5dFoRJnCSgMjMSvAK97rHpgmTLiIAFevIH1CL-m4r/s1600-h/pics+016.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyclHvjHmK6t0joKGeJkbKOUhLGbaA53xZTv9XsWw1UakmHnZ4OEO1avhhPN0XAIDbN2cLbWWn_MsT9dxRuwgILurF6P0RRDO7JGK5dFoRJnCSgMjMSvAK97rHpgmTLiIAFevIH1CL-m4r/s320/pics+016.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316153524457926082" border="0" /></a><br />Snack was popcorn with dark chocolate chips, a nanner, and almonds.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMTa9OYwTin4RN3YvCLPhRwaGhyphenhyphenO_OlA9JMW_SxV7xchjyHzr4Yo0OlaQm827wqMy1T-KVJcepaNCRu1L0-Zxc1oWYIaeSy9-eaX6njlP_tf0SPuMwnvHy3Y_qFTNH0Cv_iCpApo3DfFYd/s1600-h/pics+017.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMTa9OYwTin4RN3YvCLPhRwaGhyphenhyphenO_OlA9JMW_SxV7xchjyHzr4Yo0OlaQm827wqMy1T-KVJcepaNCRu1L0-Zxc1oWYIaeSy9-eaX6njlP_tf0SPuMwnvHy3Y_qFTNH0Cv_iCpApo3DfFYd/s320/pics+017.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316156058835695362" border="0" /></a><br />I will talk about dinner from last night because it was special. My mom has been helping me plan our weekly menus now and she suggested that we make one of my sister's favorite foods, mac and cheese. My mom picked <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Baked-Macaroni-Cheese-213170">this</a> recipe, using long noodles (ACK what are they called??) and it was so good. Cheese exploded from every bite. Had it along with a salad.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjziTVoGSz8fOXxUZ2WIFbes7mYK0SbTQgkxyJpFeXgAUgFmkaepxGHM31Dvy13P-oAAgum6iv83XxLURZNda0BWdcTITmlZcijs1tmzjMu1o4Da8A8JKFa7kTRuIPblN_6wWGwn12Fr1F_/s1600-h/pics+009.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjziTVoGSz8fOXxUZ2WIFbes7mYK0SbTQgkxyJpFeXgAUgFmkaepxGHM31Dvy13P-oAAgum6iv83XxLURZNda0BWdcTITmlZcijs1tmzjMu1o4Da8A8JKFa7kTRuIPblN_6wWGwn12Fr1F_/s320/pics+009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316156541324639634" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj1ImojoOGvYA01YYN5CjyynmNRAeHE3pyBoSQgebJXKbSrvVDE7nhcrTsgL6YPeGr1z5fPB0uG5ftX6UU1eSe-MAlMoUwAC_GE4a8o3UNQtttlKPn6P-58U1Xd5HhSiyvqEhw0-enbNke/s1600-h/pics+008.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj1ImojoOGvYA01YYN5CjyynmNRAeHE3pyBoSQgebJXKbSrvVDE7nhcrTsgL6YPeGr1z5fPB0uG5ftX6UU1eSe-MAlMoUwAC_GE4a8o3UNQtttlKPn6P-58U1Xd5HhSiyvqEhw0-enbNke/s320/pics+008.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316156773276253874" border="0" /></a>It was a challenge to eat something so "decadent" as mac & chese, especially when I didn't pick the recipe. Stupid, but it's also more of a challenge for me to eat short pasta v. spaghetti, because I feel like it's less filling. Anyhow, I only felt a tad bit guilty but it slowly faded as I kept eating all of that cheesy goodness! I figured that every other not E.D.ed person lets themself indulge every once in a while without feeling guilty. It's totally healthy, and I can't expect to ever beat ED if I stick to safe, healthy foods all the time.<br /><br />I'll talk about tonight's dinner some other time, because it was superb also. Now I need help with something totally non-ED related (I think). There's this boy in my Spanish class who I kind of tutored and helped him get an A for the quarter. Spanish is my best subject so I didn't mind helping this kid (who will be called B.) But now he won't leave me alone! He found me on Facebook, which I only use for outside of school friends. I ignored his FR, but at school, he keeps insisting on doing something to "repay" me for helping him. First he offered a card, then money, then walking me home from school. After I turned down all B.'s offers he passed me a note that says I'm a great friend and we should hang out and gave me his number so I can call him if I "ever want to talk". I DON'T WANT TO CALL HIM! I don't want him to like me, I don't even want to be his friend! He's an okay kid to talk to every once in a while, but I don't want to get close to him because a) We have no common interests. b) He has a girlish personality. My best guy friend is my best guy friend because he's a good listener. I can vent to him without him bringing up his own problem. B. does exactly the opposite. I have enough girlfriends to worry about, I don't need another! c) <span style="font-size:78%;">He kind of reminds me of a beaver.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span>Wow that was a really long rant. I am dreading class tomorrow because I know he's going to try to talk to me again. I don't know how to tell him to leave me alone without being rude. Crud. Maybe I can get a schedule change?<br /><br />Don't forget to enter the <a href="http://blueskyworld.wordpress.com/2009/03/18/second-giveaway/">Mixmygranola</a> giveaway at <a href="http://blueskyworld.wordpress.com/">An Apple a Day</a>!<br /><br />Try to enjoy your Mondays tomorrow, if that's even possible!<br /><br />Oh yes, and the lovely miss Emily passed me this award:<br /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Kiki/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-4.jpg" alt="" /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1vuzeiNtQ6dB3x_T2QWLBS6vyVAPBMEqWjcJM5jl5s_zxu3hua2ad3nJIc0rymb09CayR6POFPXY7vMzMaCOC82hcFVb7K_CBlCZy9O6_JnwEnzL-cf0PcRV4Nmacfcg7o2QUxakLbsur/s1600-h/awards.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 204px; height: 204px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1vuzeiNtQ6dB3x_T2QWLBS6vyVAPBMEqWjcJM5jl5s_zxu3hua2ad3nJIc0rymb09CayR6POFPXY7vMzMaCOC82hcFVb7K_CBlCZy9O6_JnwEnzL-cf0PcRV4Nmacfcg7o2QUxakLbsur/s320/awards.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316164784401655970" border="0" /></a>Thanks love! I pass it on to <a href="http://ohsoravenous.wordpress.com/">Debbie</a>, <a href="http://thecleanveggie.wordpress.com/about/">Kailey</a>, <a href="http://havefaith4ever.blogspot.com/">Jess</a>, <a href="http://littlemissvchic.blogspot.com/">Laci</a>, <a href="http://howimashpotato.blogspot.com/">Jemima</a>, <a href="http://simplyvegetarian.blogspot.com/">Brooke</a>, and <a href="http://moretolifethanlettuce.blogspot.com/">Stef</a>. Here are the rules: <em>1) Add the logo of the award to your blog 2) Add a link to the person who awarded it to you 3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs 4) Add links to those blogs on your blog 5) Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Night!<br /><br /></span></span></span></span></em>Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-36605754124683373152009-03-20T19:14:00.005-04:002009-03-20T19:46:26.308-04:00Tasty Granola Induces Frenzy!Haha the title of today's post took me forever to come up with. It's been a long week and it takes a lot of mental capacity to come up with new acronyms every week! The frenzy means frenzied eating because granola is so darn good and I've gone too long without it.<br /><br />I'm feeling a whole lot better, ED-wise, partly due to all your lovely comments! You all seriously have no idea how much it helps me to read such supportive words from people who know exactly what I'm going through. So thanks. I'm also feeling a lot better because I had group yesterday and I love my group girls. I told them that recently I've been torn between wanting to binge/restrict and recover, and they all completely understood how I felt. That alone made me feel almost back to normal. One of the oldest girls who has been through a crap load of treatment said "Be proud of what you've been through- how far you've come." It made me realize that so far in recovery, I've gained a lot more things than I've lost. Sure, I don't have my emaciated body anymore. But now I have my cello, ballet, friends, sense of humor, concentration, and many more things back. So why would I quit fighting now that I've just regained the things that are more important to me?<br /><br />Mkayyyy, foodies. Among other things for breakfast I had a bowl of oats topped with powdered PB puffins, blueberries, and dark choco chips. Nom.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-UoXJRf5s0U-yIAVSw5hCuRnp97cfCvDAh_hiN_HyiBlyjQHDJprCcDdpx9Ywt3DwMJV2HfiYETr9_pVLQIgHzVtMmiqjKYPZlA9LrOrCVcPukb-wny8VJN6w0o8KYT-aeXUGW2VhG2pL/s1600-h/pics+039.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-UoXJRf5s0U-yIAVSw5hCuRnp97cfCvDAh_hiN_HyiBlyjQHDJprCcDdpx9Ywt3DwMJV2HfiYETr9_pVLQIgHzVtMmiqjKYPZlA9LrOrCVcPukb-wny8VJN6w0o8KYT-aeXUGW2VhG2pL/s320/pics+039.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5315417021311591026" border="0" /></a><br />Lunch was a repeat of yesterday's, meaning a sandwich with yummus hummus and cream cheese. Also cauliflower, Chobby wob, and a Trek mix bar.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijELf6m2oah553CPFYkvsCpXjo-2bZFNAeZVLH5RgwNqf3pZoU5XUjzB7IzABdxiiafv01WQt9HV_d_uZHaUnGu3oz6E8J8SRpL6XFohCLADcLRdqKQgRQ5pZp6g7JfTg8_4AqhY_jwo2N/s1600-h/pics+036.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijELf6m2oah553CPFYkvsCpXjo-2bZFNAeZVLH5RgwNqf3pZoU5XUjzB7IzABdxiiafv01WQt9HV_d_uZHaUnGu3oz6E8J8SRpL6XFohCLADcLRdqKQgRQ5pZp6g7JfTg8_4AqhY_jwo2N/s320/pics+036.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5315417014482951554" border="0" /></a><br />Before I left for my dietitian (which went well, scroll) I had an apple with cheese. But you all know what that looks like. When I got home, I had another snack inspired by the lovely <a href="http://ohsoravenous.wordpress.com/">Debbie</a>'s creative snack choices. We froze some leftover orange french toast, so I popped a slice in the toaster. Then I dipped it in cottage cheese + applesauce. Yum, I love having breakfast for snacks!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmEU3rrIzhJnZKLV8O5fZcoEo3g5E-cjMmUjzt_iK238pOZmHoApUZp5wKAuxJv9JadHSdtip3z71Bg1pst3gsWFPNq9qjhbbXpq_nzr2gPqIQ9wE2xq228ZW2kiR40lyzbe_4tDWGeo6K/s1600-h/pics+042.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmEU3rrIzhJnZKLV8O5fZcoEo3g5E-cjMmUjzt_iK238pOZmHoApUZp5wKAuxJv9JadHSdtip3z71Bg1pst3gsWFPNq9qjhbbXpq_nzr2gPqIQ9wE2xq228ZW2kiR40lyzbe_4tDWGeo6K/s320/pics+042.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5315417032292612834" border="0" /></a><br />Dinner was one of the best I've had recently. I made feta cheese, kale, and red onions. I doubled the feta and tripled the OO, and just added the kale towards the end so it wouldn't get all limp. This was spectacular! Feta is my favorite cheese and I loved the taste of the onions together with the kale. I also had tofu cooked in EVOO with cumin and garlic and a slice of french bread.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwqGrzwJSGVqafbZGIV2pVsN1X8g57W_yr9TmP7Vbb6L0eBsgi2ctLs30TeXcFje0k3QBJ9Tu2BMHa1YDMMOtoh0XRyZxYwaZOB_Ko1Pb7Vwpgm7TSMh-XE017S9tbXjlV6dMya1vc77Lb/s1600-h/pics+043.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwqGrzwJSGVqafbZGIV2pVsN1X8g57W_yr9TmP7Vbb6L0eBsgi2ctLs30TeXcFje0k3QBJ9Tu2BMHa1YDMMOtoh0XRyZxYwaZOB_Ko1Pb7Vwpgm7TSMh-XE017S9tbXjlV6dMya1vc77Lb/s320/pics+043.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5315417035641536594" border="0" /></a><br />Last night for my PM snack I had ice cream. I was craving chocolate sorbet and strawberry ice cream so I had both. The sorbet was as hard as a rock so I stuck it in the mircowave. I put it in too long though, because the top was all melty and soupy. I treated it as chocolate sauce and dumped it over my Ben and Jerry's and it was lovely. Tonight I plan on topping it with a caramelized nanner.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpMm7imtt2ktP79O7SIpB9hZg8v_VO9S38CLNA5uHZlr0eooURouPGxrhSoZUpGQFsnFuRYraSq8AlzabdnCH_C35WlqbDUCbl-Itb8dPXK0aT-fpBP6dK6fHt_f2zl972VkyEVuqsS34/s1600-h/pics+037.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpMm7imtt2ktP79O7SIpB9hZg8v_VO9S38CLNA5uHZlr0eooURouPGxrhSoZUpGQFsnFuRYraSq8AlzabdnCH_C35WlqbDUCbl-Itb8dPXK0aT-fpBP6dK6fHt_f2zl972VkyEVuqsS34/s320/pics+037.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5315417018072803026" border="0" /></a><br />Now about my dietitian. I think that I've made it clear that I really hate the treatment center I go to (which my group is not a part of). They treat me as a walking eating disorder and put too much emphasis on weight. But, I like my dietitian because she treats me like a real person. I know that she cares about me and doesn't always just talk to me about my feelings towards food/exercise/cals/etc. She sort of tells me the same thing every time I see her though. I know where I need to challenge myself, and I don't want my parents to have to pay someone to tell me what I already know. I told her this today in the most polite way possible. She says that she, my therapist, and my ED doctor had a meeting and decided that I can stop going there in the near future! She said that she and my doctor will see me one more time in six months, and if everything goes well, I never have to see them again! Yipee! This is just another example of what I'd lose if I slipped again.<br /><br />I'm going to go watch a movie now. Enjoy your evenings loves!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-17212393377105903462009-03-18T17:23:00.006-04:002009-03-18T21:21:33.008-04:00Change of plan..Evening, loves. Sorry for not posting yesterday. I didn't skip posting for ED reasons, more like I was buried under a pile of homework and cello concerts and crappy TV (american idol!) watching. I think I'm going to take after <a href="http://dancingtorecovery.blogspot.com/">Morgan</a> and <a href="http://simplyvegetarian.blogspot.com/">Brooke</a> and switch to every-other-day posting. Even if I'm not feeling triggered or depressed. I have enough of an obsession with food, I don't need to end my nights thinking about it every day. Plus, sometimes I end up putting blogging ahead of some more important things. For example, my grades have been slipping lately (okay, slipping down to B's, but I can't have that) and I should be spending my extra time studying and doing homework, not posting food pictures. So maybe over spring break or on the weekends when I don't have so much to do I'll do daily posts again.<br /><br />Also, sorry for being so negative in all my posts lately! I don't want to come off as a whiner.. it's just I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of feeling guilty, tired of blocking out negativity, tired of everything that recovery has brought into my life. I was comfortable during the worst of my ED- I didn't have enough energy to feel much of anything (except happiness when I lost weight) so there was no battle to fight. A lot of days I don't see a point in making the effort to recover, because I feel like I don't have much to live for. I feel like I'm complaining too much again. But I don't expect advice, I know I'll find out what makes recovery worth it. There's something inside of me that's telling me to keep eating despite the overwhelming guilt and regret I often feel, so I'm just going to trust that there is something better for me than my disorder and keep going.<br /><br />Okay, end seriousness. For breakfast think morning with other stuffffff I had antioxidant oats! Which is bluebs, almonds, and dark chocolate topping on oatmeal.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpA0osDP1VvNYBP-YnabwEPy1d-eW6syO-LdXDwF9uiSHcEgeWTUWFySla4QreCtcTE1aevkk2aNa-H5d1o57wV4gsfexbFlBaarBRuudfsRSreg2EiqCu2S4xXgumhqMbLC1c17LhOLx7/s1600-h/anti.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpA0osDP1VvNYBP-YnabwEPy1d-eW6syO-LdXDwF9uiSHcEgeWTUWFySla4QreCtcTE1aevkk2aNa-H5d1o57wV4gsfexbFlBaarBRuudfsRSreg2EiqCu2S4xXgumhqMbLC1c17LhOLx7/s320/anti.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314699963474103506" border="0" /></a><br />Snack was normal, and lunch was somewhat difference, for once. Instead of nut butter on my sandwich I had veggie cream cheese and dill hummus, which was lovely. Hummus is yummus hehe. I also had cauliflower, a trek mix bar and TJ's "french village" yogurt. This was basically like reg. yogurt but slightly thicker and not as sweet. I like it.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheHhhDGZBi3gNzGK9zAbTobxOuQGSDPJ9mMKZWQ7M7y4ip8QdPj_niTJNwfmbEcY56fwEdfcdcokmKhU4qSNYPt4zkun2A7_hrlfqvu-zAxsp9et3XfkZPkSNAXlsf589LLDwIfI0vKWVV/s1600-h/pics+002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheHhhDGZBi3gNzGK9zAbTobxOuQGSDPJ9mMKZWQ7M7y4ip8QdPj_niTJNwfmbEcY56fwEdfcdcokmKhU4qSNYPt4zkun2A7_hrlfqvu-zAxsp9et3XfkZPkSNAXlsf589LLDwIfI0vKWVV/s320/pics+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314699971687736482" border="0" /></a><br />I made a big batch o' barley this afternoon, and I figured that there was no better thing to do with it than make blended grains a la CCV. I used <a href="http://chocolatecoveredkatie.wordpress.com/2008/11/26/two-for-one/">this recipe</a> for banana brulee oatmeal, using barley. Wooo new favorite snack! So creamy. I ate it with a spoon on PB.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2rUaufLisnmN8TVd5k2BvPUe5sxXcXPYphIu1srGKYiZJWkTqbRP4ybMgka2f9kfGawdLxZRq-546l_pB_vMnnVQpK86yWE-9V3icOet_m8A0qEnnLd3zGaxaw2_29gmxHa4AiPMBSUQq/s1600-h/pics+006.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2rUaufLisnmN8TVd5k2BvPUe5sxXcXPYphIu1srGKYiZJWkTqbRP4ybMgka2f9kfGawdLxZRq-546l_pB_vMnnVQpK86yWE-9V3icOet_m8A0qEnnLd3zGaxaw2_29gmxHa4AiPMBSUQq/s320/pics+006.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314699979290006610" border="0" /></a><br />Dinner was excellent. I was really craving salad, but salads have been off limits lately because they're rather low in calories. So I made taco salad! I brushed a WW tortilla with olive oil, stuck it in a bowl, and baked it at 400* to make a shell. Meanwhile, I cooked 2 tbs of quinoa in 1 tbs olive and tossed in onions, green pepper, a Quorn chik'n cutlet, and zucchini (??). I poured it over lettuce in the shell and topped it with black beans and salsa. I'm not a fan of faux meat because I don't like to be reminded of the taste or texture of real meat, so next time I want to use tofu. Nom nom so tasty and fresh.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTmVUeWcdeWE5E0CmcdhsRwENBalyM478I-QLEnFpPLdOOsHjYl5VxEM8wtWmHJ9POMZUmYC_hoYIfYNeAZQlYZ3wa_rPnqLeE_DUqbQ9BCL43kpBEip3tB7tpb2ietLc8h9chyphenhyphenNwg-9vh/s1600-h/pics+008.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTmVUeWcdeWE5E0CmcdhsRwENBalyM478I-QLEnFpPLdOOsHjYl5VxEM8wtWmHJ9POMZUmYC_hoYIfYNeAZQlYZ3wa_rPnqLeE_DUqbQ9BCL43kpBEip3tB7tpb2ietLc8h9chyphenhyphenNwg-9vh/s320/pics+008.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314699983758888770" border="0" /></a>I jumped out of my window and ate this! Haha, not at the same time. I have an arbor thingy under my window that plants are supposed to grow on. It was close to 70 F and my parents weren't home to I sat on my arbor for dinner. Don't laugh. It's a good thinking place! I also had strawbs and graham crackas.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrKOZZIF2d4_mdxskPbVjp46DrjhFjWPT_pu0lgiKLMtPE-mhpqh4Re42AmXoNlUCCjlyhQZgLnyx1J4t7AKHEYkGDH_hil3PrIICdcS2xnyZo2FytyLKW4MWjcoPvbbeeO3VEpsenSLUK/s1600-h/pics+010.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrKOZZIF2d4_mdxskPbVjp46DrjhFjWPT_pu0lgiKLMtPE-mhpqh4Re42AmXoNlUCCjlyhQZgLnyx1J4t7AKHEYkGDH_hil3PrIICdcS2xnyZo2FytyLKW4MWjcoPvbbeeO3VEpsenSLUK/s320/pics+010.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314699987655806002" border="0" /></a><br />Then I jetted off to orchestra. It was good even though some idiot knocked over my cello. Stupid wind players. I bit his head off.<br /><br />Guhhh I've just been hit with a wave of fatigue. Peace out girl scouts!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-39520366543713846072009-03-16T18:55:00.004-04:002009-03-16T19:19:39.798-04:00Breakfast for dinnerHeyyy lovelies. Sorry for not posting yesterday. I don't want to go into specifics but let's just say that some old overexercising habits got the best of me. I was not in the right state for blogging. Feeling better for the most part today.<br /><br />I woke up earlier than normal this morning (accidentally) so I had extra time to make breakfast! I'm back to my big breakfasts for a couple days because I'm still afraid of getting hungry at school. I'll try to challenge myself more this weekend, though. This morning among other things I had blueberry cashew coconut oats! We've had a bottle of TJ"s 100% juice sparkling blueberry juice sitting in our pantry since Christmas and my parents cracked the bottle open just recently. So I cooked my oats in 1/2 c of that, and topped it with chopped cashews and flaked coconut. Mm mm mmmm.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUV-rWHtriNSb6jk62UAtOL4n84LdvdY5upUa2Mlnf1gqpBjRIT6_dCEdFBUldnUBagmd-4W_sKykwPQ8A6Lr9BWJKvG0J6AI3zIIDu-vB7f8dbDMVveb5DQWbgA7ApyQBPj2OaQpyFhZq/s1600-h/pics+006.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUV-rWHtriNSb6jk62UAtOL4n84LdvdY5upUa2Mlnf1gqpBjRIT6_dCEdFBUldnUBagmd-4W_sKykwPQ8A6Lr9BWJKvG0J6AI3zIIDu-vB7f8dbDMVveb5DQWbgA7ApyQBPj2OaQpyFhZq/s320/pics+006.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313924080183954178" border="0" /></a><br />This picture is from yesterday but it's exactly what I had today, but an apple instead of the pickle/ razzies. T'is a grilled whole wheat wrap filled with dill hummus, cream cheese, lettuce, cauliflower, carrots, and sundried tomatoes. So much better than a PB sandwich! Plus a kiwi lime passionfruit Rachel's (3rd favorite flavor) and a Zbar.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKtbaZyiIHJqBReHzSpUUAt3kUZY7mpw-7pM65gXBcyXaqBPp_LPXIBbnZCWECu5u4Vv7ufyDw3Ti3lfbdJfrDmotIjE-s9Gs8sCOitNEu1vAtjbdfb6HrBLD6vnixUzW5TaNokpPAw37P/s1600-h/pics+007.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKtbaZyiIHJqBReHzSpUUAt3kUZY7mpw-7pM65gXBcyXaqBPp_LPXIBbnZCWECu5u4Vv7ufyDw3Ti3lfbdJfrDmotIjE-s9Gs8sCOitNEu1vAtjbdfb6HrBLD6vnixUzW5TaNokpPAw37P/s320/pics+007.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313924088543962018" border="0" /></a><br />Before ballet, I had an apple with cheese. Afterward I had a cashew acai protect Think Fruit bar.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxCoXMS54CrC5V-lLlm88fmDRJ-qA-4LfLAC-FNubPGFqy5onqa6pU7hWExPmvXBydyQ55-7bmewnT9SDOW5DprnGl1i3eHAbs0r6LD90BLkfgwtlm5-t4tCAgJf65QA_-OjbqNwSBNkLO/s1600-h/pics+008.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxCoXMS54CrC5V-lLlm88fmDRJ-qA-4LfLAC-FNubPGFqy5onqa6pU7hWExPmvXBydyQ55-7bmewnT9SDOW5DprnGl1i3eHAbs0r6LD90BLkfgwtlm5-t4tCAgJf65QA_-OjbqNwSBNkLO/s320/pics+008.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313924098226526770" border="0" /></a>I quite liked this bar. I can't say that it had a strong berry taste though, the sweetness of the dates overpowered the acai I think. But, it did have really big chunks of cashews, which I love. And it was denser and less sticky than Larabars, which makes for optimum bar-breakage. I think I'll buy this again just because of the texture!<br /><br />Ballet went badly again, along the lines as it did on Saturday. I feel so certain that this intuitive eating has made me gain masses of weight! I know that this is stupid and irrational and that I'm doing the right thing for my body, but I honestly don't care. I swear that every time I walk into that studio I look bigger. I can't even dance well because I feel like this new weight is just weighing me down. When I was twenty pounds lighter I could dance a lot more easily. I'm sorry for being so negative in all my recent posts! ED could be making me imagine all of this but he sure is good at making me believe it.<br /><br />My dad was working late for dinner which means that me, my mom, and my sister had to have breakfast! We made <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Orange-French-Toast-50931">orange french toast</a>. I loved it, it reminded me of creamsicles! We only had crappy "lite butter" maple syrup, which I don't go for. So I topped my french toast with applesauce and a shmear of PB. Nom.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-aSwT8J-OHBHBjJKVfwjq51_aGin-szCZCpvBmIow5kt7wntdwliSiocBkEAG5eztXYjxZzOjP5Hy0zr-rm-KM3UTJOCgq4EdJ4m8VZw9zQB-OHQ0HZDFTiw-hrCt3s2NeDpiNLB3LEuf/s1600-h/pics+012.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-aSwT8J-OHBHBjJKVfwjq51_aGin-szCZCpvBmIow5kt7wntdwliSiocBkEAG5eztXYjxZzOjP5Hy0zr-rm-KM3UTJOCgq4EdJ4m8VZw9zQB-OHQ0HZDFTiw-hrCt3s2NeDpiNLB3LEuf/s320/pics+012.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313924122165996050" border="0" /></a><br />I also had a lot of this delicious fruit salad, made of strawberries, banana, grapes, canteloupe (which I avoided because it is vile!) and pinapple.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAyIjK4bygwEg5B7FOhVv61LUNM535BRJrDUxOejxsf6zdDxQgh8XTMA9x-16s8SZqokz6QN5GskbtrvloJSI0AKrV3aqE8I8dLtbB7_E8HHQaeWPoNzO-Xp30RDm5gY3PgG3P3qebzBZ5/s1600-h/pics+010.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAyIjK4bygwEg5B7FOhVv61LUNM535BRJrDUxOejxsf6zdDxQgh8XTMA9x-16s8SZqokz6QN5GskbtrvloJSI0AKrV3aqE8I8dLtbB7_E8HHQaeWPoNzO-Xp30RDm5gY3PgG3P3qebzBZ5/s320/pics+010.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313924107161946930" border="0" /></a><br />And for dessert I had a Thin Mint. At first I wasn't going to have any Girl Scout cookies because they have trans fat in them, but less than .5 g because it doesn't show on the label. Any food with trans fat is a major fear food for me. I convinced myself to have one because these only come once a year, and my dietitian/the girls in my group always tell me that there is no one food or ingredient that can make me fat. It was.. good. But not great.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQgJGGYHhSQkj3hUw4v1a-D0W6TUKgi0E9QwbHwOvBOw8u819FmQ5NJToslkRnMOAE1Pjv_UlhrXiEpLtQ1IaO1dTTAPI4kD57phFoCs3MLGFGIYU-vFz3Rl3zvWk16uywZ1Mpa8G1Uiu/s1600-h/pics+013.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQgJGGYHhSQkj3hUw4v1a-D0W6TUKgi0E9QwbHwOvBOw8u819FmQ5NJToslkRnMOAE1Pjv_UlhrXiEpLtQ1IaO1dTTAPI4kD57phFoCs3MLGFGIYU-vFz3Rl3zvWk16uywZ1Mpa8G1Uiu/s320/pics+013.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313926819087044242" border="0" /></a><br />Love you all lots! I'm off to do some HW and then watch GOSSIP GIRL!!! It's been too long... night!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-68023416961964995462009-03-14T19:26:00.006-04:002009-03-14T20:02:49.314-04:00Ballet!Hey hey, blogitas. Hope you enjoyed your Saturdays! Saturday is my favorite day because it's the only day where I really have no obligations and can do whatever I want.<br /><br />I decided to change up my breakfast today. You might've noticed that I like to eat a lot for breakfast? I usually have fruit, a carb-y baked thing, a protein like cheese, and then oatmeal. I was thinking about it yesterday and it's quite unbalanced. I think that I tend to eat more volume than I should because I'm afraid of going hungry, which I suppose is common in anorexics. Of course I always end up feeling stuffed, but I hate feeling hungry after a year of starving myself. Anyway, today I decided to break ED's rule and have a smaller volume breakfast to see if it would hold me over. First I had an egg and an apple<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy5szvT8w4_FtPDqlZwYMnf5H-xgKDWdZQf_NYqXer98NbwMzX3-6OdYiUWDtwc0D6863F_nNPdbojFR3KghSZ42b4u1RK4CQMHxavbp9zNcIspP6VDpVuUTPB5zbB6n4p2dZeS15Oe175/s1600-h/pics+002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy5szvT8w4_FtPDqlZwYMnf5H-xgKDWdZQf_NYqXer98NbwMzX3-6OdYiUWDtwc0D6863F_nNPdbojFR3KghSZ42b4u1RK4CQMHxavbp9zNcIspP6VDpVuUTPB5zbB6n4p2dZeS15Oe175/s320/pics+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313193265931157698" border="0" /></a><br />Then <a href="http://howimashpotato.blogspot.com/2009/03/sitting-on-baby.html">Jemima's lemon oats</a> again! Because they're too good. I added extra yogurt this time and topped it with blueberries and pecan walnut butter. Nom. I have to say that this didn't hold me over for as long as my normal breakfasts do. But maybe I was just super hungry this morning, so I'll give it a few more days.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivS5Ff_0rRgEOpab_-5C4t7qUKszHgl8Qa_PIKWvxANQmrUvUVWegflYYE80BrUZPlxSoeTzqcdSJnvXFJTExVQjx4EVKfByM-_0efUbFaOLb1XX8pa6DUZIi4_U1NsyOIwUhhbH8qCKCm/s1600-h/pics+004.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivS5Ff_0rRgEOpab_-5C4t7qUKszHgl8Qa_PIKWvxANQmrUvUVWegflYYE80BrUZPlxSoeTzqcdSJnvXFJTExVQjx4EVKfByM-_0efUbFaOLb1XX8pa6DUZIi4_U1NsyOIwUhhbH8qCKCm/s320/pics+004.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313193269511990354" border="0" /></a><br />A ha! For once I took a picture of my AM snack. I don't like to think about eating a snack so early, so I usually just have nuts so I can just eat them quickly and forget about it. They aren't too photogenic either.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-nYMIrv7V8JNbnp6bki8u6skodWcxQVhOG8RlxEkTXr-Nl2wW-a1QJ9lc10dbmk-v0HXqpeZwAANLo_memTgVrwr9K55FbACq-MMBHGqIrT1mTnFzrqsVZ5UB3xR9tOORfuse5ExgwSJo/s1600-h/pics+006.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-nYMIrv7V8JNbnp6bki8u6skodWcxQVhOG8RlxEkTXr-Nl2wW-a1QJ9lc10dbmk-v0HXqpeZwAANLo_memTgVrwr9K55FbACq-MMBHGqIrT1mTnFzrqsVZ5UB3xR9tOORfuse5ExgwSJo/s320/pics+006.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313193279756718130" border="0" /></a><br />Then I went off to ballet. Ballet was rather triggering for me today, unfortunately. Last year my class was working with an older class for our recital and one of the girls became my 'thinspo'. She's very thin, but I'm almost certain that she doesn't have an ED. Usually I don't see her because she's in the class after mine, but for some reason she came to my class today. Baaaaddd. When we were standing in front of the mirror I compared my almost-all the way touching thighs to hers, with a big gap between them. I almost cried. Thinking about how much I wanted to lose weight again interfered with my dancing. If only those damn mirrors weren't there! Usually I think being in ballet is healthy for me, but today was one of those days where it was obviously screwing up my recovery.<br /><br />I don't know how this started, but my sister considers it some sort of tradition to go out to eat every Saturday. I hate fast food, it makes me feel so yuck! I got a vegetarian bowl (rice, black beans, lettuce, salsa, guac) from Maui Tacos again.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyzHZalsasXQB5CRxkI3bAYnFHVzw3a6JMdg9w2ctcmaUjR8R97l-hiWNSryX3w8z825PzUrRzqY5V1Oj8ggFxvKPb8zy9ffOXv3p_cGHtbG4FY-DXGXX4jwE55RNKy2PL9gvdN0NmPMN3/s1600-h/mt.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyzHZalsasXQB5CRxkI3bAYnFHVzw3a6JMdg9w2ctcmaUjR8R97l-hiWNSryX3w8z825PzUrRzqY5V1Oj8ggFxvKPb8zy9ffOXv3p_cGHtbG4FY-DXGXX4jwE55RNKy2PL9gvdN0NmPMN3/s320/mt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313195948784377266" border="0" /></a><br />When I got home I had plain yogurt with cheerios and raspberries, which I considered part of lunch still.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXKt3DaPxWKEtPNmywkSvRESC3rNwN4rL_14NDMCBk5ceQfrqPQYQJKgZVJB6LolKDx2wUyftkCw-czQnXO9rq3SA_p5lAH_BZB_4CgmD9GFgfsCEp68NvZ1ZIf6uvYkxObsm1rfknL3Nm/s1600-h/pics+005.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXKt3DaPxWKEtPNmywkSvRESC3rNwN4rL_14NDMCBk5ceQfrqPQYQJKgZVJB6LolKDx2wUyftkCw-czQnXO9rq3SA_p5lAH_BZB_4CgmD9GFgfsCEp68NvZ1ZIf6uvYkxObsm1rfknL3Nm/s320/pics+005.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313193275280796370" border="0" /></a><br />My official snack was popcorn with grapefruit and more cashews hiding in the bowl.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghv6vlU2zy4O8ZLU2V4CH_UrFsKT_AlfsDegJ27wPme_87wSdLOycdxIcXraqtudpZJb4-eKunD3uZjCttRG6bhwJ9ppX2mSv6G34PH2h9A9qgqx23KpRc7uDj0-QM_0rvgOowkXAk9-7R/s1600-h/pics+007.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghv6vlU2zy4O8ZLU2V4CH_UrFsKT_AlfsDegJ27wPme_87wSdLOycdxIcXraqtudpZJb4-eKunD3uZjCttRG6bhwJ9ppX2mSv6G34PH2h9A9qgqx23KpRc7uDj0-QM_0rvgOowkXAk9-7R/s320/pics+007.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313193289489899698" border="0" /></a><br />Dinner was delectable. I made <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Corn-Cakes-39173">corn cakes</a>, because we have a lot of frozen corn in the freezer. I used half white wheat flour and half AP and it turned out fine. I was expecting that these would turn out crispy and sort of like cornbread, they were more like really thick pancakes. I'm awful at making pancakes so they were undercooked, but it's okay because I love batter-y pancakes! I think next time I'll use 1/2 c less corn so they spread out more and cook more evenly. I had two + another I ate after the pic. I also had a really random salad of iceberg, kale, carrots, mushrooms, fried tofu and papaya poppyseed dressing.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUBWIz1vY_-Snv86k9Sb36PYEawS0-Nqgv1OadBID_NAu3HF7xLXSJ5NFDsogRgWPbokb6lgJG9kLp1m1u4SVpS-Dm_C14f413vgAtHJ2ZvhZ-esJ7seUkY6xu_pTHGgAH-7riX9oGb0S5/s1600-h/pics+011.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUBWIz1vY_-Snv86k9Sb36PYEawS0-Nqgv1OadBID_NAu3HF7xLXSJ5NFDsogRgWPbokb6lgJG9kLp1m1u4SVpS-Dm_C14f413vgAtHJ2ZvhZ-esJ7seUkY6xu_pTHGgAH-7riX9oGb0S5/s320/pics+011.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313195956883315874" border="0" /></a><br />Okay, this is a long post so I'll wrap it up. Enjoy your Sundays!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-10110635700099305242009-03-13T19:32:00.006-04:002009-03-13T20:06:30.724-04:00Tyrannical Geckos Invade FinlandHappy Friday the 13th! Those Finlandians (??) sure are having a lot of bad luck, with those scary geckos and all. The geckos were tired of being mocked because of their Geico commercials.<br /><br />I came home from school today to a very special delievery! My boxers from <a href="http://pjsfortj.webs.com/">PJs for TJ</a>! I got them in green.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPU4Ss3psTfTS0vdJSqD14Le763F44yXbETfGeBtdMBaLQDPILShyvhmk9mfLKClUyBbzP7z_Zu0U9sY9Lq-icRN-F0Z9w6uTEoDMwkRCfZR93MLV34EIPOnGrEUhgeTD-3r-2zS3JqUMm/s1600-h/pics+019.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPU4Ss3psTfTS0vdJSqD14Le763F44yXbETfGeBtdMBaLQDPILShyvhmk9mfLKClUyBbzP7z_Zu0U9sY9Lq-icRN-F0Z9w6uTEoDMwkRCfZR93MLV34EIPOnGrEUhgeTD-3r-2zS3JqUMm/s320/pics+019.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312822429495276498" border="0" /></a>Haaa I'm a horrible model! Anyway, you should all check out PJs for TJ because it's for a really good cause. The proceeds go towards helping underpriveledged kids stay out of drugs and gangs. And plus, my girl <a href="http://shopeatblog.blogspot.com/">Erin</a> is the CEO! I've been wearing them all day. Which says a lot because it's 66 degrees in my house right now.<br /><br />I made the toppings for my oatmeal last night so I would have time to make it and I was sooo excited! I like chocolate covered pretzels. I like chocolate covered strawberries. Isn't there only one logical option? Dark chocolate covered strawberry pretzel oats! Omnomnom.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Q6dMQwazziIpu01g_f-L-eHf0RR4-qvlPeiodglDef_c0wMZCOyuayML5ZFGpmbBTjsE3VBEzzB99EvGA5RLVDiigb65qKfrGILZvOZ25nZoaDCR_YiQGd486cAYx1Pqh3PB1dtgDg8U/s1600-h/pics+002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Q6dMQwazziIpu01g_f-L-eHf0RR4-qvlPeiodglDef_c0wMZCOyuayML5ZFGpmbBTjsE3VBEzzB99EvGA5RLVDiigb65qKfrGILZvOZ25nZoaDCR_YiQGd486cAYx1Pqh3PB1dtgDg8U/s320/pics+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312822411619659282" border="0" /></a><br />I don't know why I bother posting lunch. Oh wait, today my sammich was sunflower seed butter and HN Cheerios. My friends were quite disturbed by this. They said that a nut butter sandwich shouldn't crunch. HA.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcoCdJ7tGzZcQIr-jX4aVnhEKpdRAvhTRQSc8Q7lCpeYLw5wrgbvXApQgExONM8RXKgUe9XJRO_wES0GfZq6lfPMLSWkkFnVcBXPlA8AyRDra6QHJ0jJheWhJNkhusE6ucyHSQlK4f2IqE/s1600-h/pics+001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcoCdJ7tGzZcQIr-jX4aVnhEKpdRAvhTRQSc8Q7lCpeYLw5wrgbvXApQgExONM8RXKgUe9XJRO_wES0GfZq6lfPMLSWkkFnVcBXPlA8AyRDra6QHJ0jJheWhJNkhusE6ucyHSQlK4f2IqE/s320/pics+001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312822417068972178" border="0" /></a><br />Sorry that I've been eating almost the same thing for a snack every day! I had a whole wheat english muffin with cottage cheese + applesauce (go ahead, K), half a grapefruit, and sunflower seed butter. I like to slice grapefruits the wrong way so you can just pull the slices out with the membrane.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV0qo_MTIqwEIp-KlDflVcdCNtuGqIRw7QrYZqIsVQfLDrYMkMLO8tVbVFnExBgu_u8wpP9z4esmkLzSPEoPZ07961b53CQaY2G4oDmBlIJLoKkqf-Mr79muu8LXqHR60db19V2LhuG7Sj/s1600-h/pics+024.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV0qo_MTIqwEIp-KlDflVcdCNtuGqIRw7QrYZqIsVQfLDrYMkMLO8tVbVFnExBgu_u8wpP9z4esmkLzSPEoPZ07961b53CQaY2G4oDmBlIJLoKkqf-Mr79muu8LXqHR60db19V2LhuG7Sj/s320/pics+024.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312822429059568626" border="0" /></a><br />For dinner, I made <a href="http://www.recipezaar.com/Nutty-Mushroom-Risotto-116434">nutty mushroom risotto</a>. I've never made risotto before because it seemed like a lot of work. I admit that this was pretty labor intensive, a ton of stirring. It paid off though, because this was so delicious! I loved the crunchy texture the cashews gave, next time I'll tost them. We had some wine but I didn't want to ask my dad to open it, so I just used white grape juice. I think it made the whole risotto taste too sweet, so if I make this again I'll cut back on it or use real wine. It was sooooo creamy and delicious! I also had kale chippies.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzQK-rcgcuZD8f_WjRAB1eDgi6yIc8SA3ebgNEUC0DTW48HZhmFL1aWHBhybvT_CTp_TIU7ggi1babJRe6NBOxvt0PauWVc2mRXEAPnLmHNIPDV52QQY0MGR1FYX6xJHSGewjc4YQZ0lJR/s1600-h/pics+026.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzQK-rcgcuZD8f_WjRAB1eDgi6yIc8SA3ebgNEUC0DTW48HZhmFL1aWHBhybvT_CTp_TIU7ggi1babJRe6NBOxvt0PauWVc2mRXEAPnLmHNIPDV52QQY0MGR1FYX6xJHSGewjc4YQZ0lJR/s320/pics+026.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312822437882578994" border="0" /></a>This was a challenge food for me because I hate hate hate white rice! It bothers me to think that I'm not getting as much nutrition as I would be if I was eating whole grains. Also, I challenged myself to have more than one serving. The recipe says it serves 4, but I think it means 4 as a side. I put a quarter of the recipe on my plate and it was tiny, so I just took a third and it seemed like enough. I'm not letting myself calculate cals, but risotto is quite calorie dense so I'm sure that I ate a few hundred more cals that usual at dinner. I'm not feeling guilty now, I'm actually quite satisfied. Over the summer when I was in Italy, I usually ate risotto everyday and didn't gain on ounce. So why can't I eat it now? Exactly, no reason. I win.<br /><br />My mood has been all over the place today. I started out feeling fat and depressed. Then when I was at school, one of my friends pinched my thighs and declared them as tiny. ED made me feel very proud of myself, of couse. At home when I was taking pictures of myself in the boxers ED was getting pissed off at me. I'm ashamed to admit it but I'm afraid that people will look at the picture and think my legs are fat. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid!!! Why am I so stupid? I think the day is going to end positively though, because of the dinner thing. I wish I could just have one day where my mood didn't depend on something as superficial as body size and calories. Then I would realize how lovely it is to live without ED and never ever go back.<br /><br />I'm going to go start my new puzzle! Wheee. Nighty night!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-9851416058555819312009-03-12T19:06:00.004-04:002009-03-12T19:34:53.962-04:00Applesauce!I think that the blogging world is influencing my dreams! In my dream last night, I was over at my friend's house and she was mixing what appeared to be muffin batter in a bowl. I called her Erin, which is not her name, and asked what she was doing. Then she said "I'm making applesauce, of course!" I think I had this dream because <a href="http://shopeatblog.blogspot.com/">Erin</a> was talking about making homemade applesauce a little while ago lol. Applesauce is good (esp. if it looks like batter) so this was a nice dream!<br /><br />Woke up on time today! Breakfast was rather boring because I don't have much time to make it on school mornings. But among other things, I had a bowl of oats topped with 1/4 chopped apple, honey nut Cheerios, and PB. Simple but scrum.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiFptpGnDrWRWEu7UF_yNkXYoTEoDjdq3Ww34dfxH1THQoQeovJGGTjhyphenhyphen6Dz2qqrwYp-RD2Woifz1vDxLcgoX5hGjGJN4dQ-fm_9AMPb6TTU2hMi_eR93MrCeWqJAOv7YKu1JQDCuvSYM2/s1600-h/pics+003.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiFptpGnDrWRWEu7UF_yNkXYoTEoDjdq3Ww34dfxH1THQoQeovJGGTjhyphenhyphen6Dz2qqrwYp-RD2Woifz1vDxLcgoX5hGjGJN4dQ-fm_9AMPb6TTU2hMi_eR93MrCeWqJAOv7YKu1JQDCuvSYM2/s320/pics+003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312443321358015442" border="0" /></a><br />Someday, I will actually have a pic of my AM snack. For luncheroonis I had the usuallllll but sunflower seed butter instead of PB on my sammich. And Chobby Wob :]<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinAB7xbnFqb7zkI0JfOrwoRnk_yEJjFODcTduXj9NaeIVe_avJmVCPJ6XyvSxk_erewY97CYedfC2YefQsCr_1QYwbnMPwK_VJ8Q3WhbhvDeFQ5Ap3gU1mCJB4b9l-7wacaFtI1lCicZyc/s1600-h/pics+001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinAB7xbnFqb7zkI0JfOrwoRnk_yEJjFODcTduXj9NaeIVe_avJmVCPJ6XyvSxk_erewY97CYedfC2YefQsCr_1QYwbnMPwK_VJ8Q3WhbhvDeFQ5Ap3gU1mCJB4b9l-7wacaFtI1lCicZyc/s320/pics+001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312443308057442434" border="0" /></a><br />I had group therapy today. Before I left I had an apple with cheese.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1groKJyWfoeG1JWeF9gZX0uvnx4ojhgHeBVPJlQma-ImYIwdk0KHboSm7-nYiv0BjkE3WiiJK8FugtdSRbxxKd_ialxKTYK4iL7vCybdhy_xzWRiPTP3HsWPKQb5v0pTAJuBI77MhhT-z/s1600-h/pics+005.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1groKJyWfoeG1JWeF9gZX0uvnx4ojhgHeBVPJlQma-ImYIwdk0KHboSm7-nYiv0BjkE3WiiJK8FugtdSRbxxKd_ialxKTYK4iL7vCybdhy_xzWRiPTP3HsWPKQb5v0pTAJuBI77MhhT-z/s320/pics+005.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312443328490687170" border="0" /></a>When I got home, I was hungryhungry so I had popcorn and pecan-walnut butter. I think it's amusing how before I started eating outside the lines, I only ate nut butters once a day but now I eat it at least three times..<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUwXBqXU2CnbLZfidI_phjRiGq8l7KmAO5wLZxYLb1FpcAJvTssX9tpyNvNUTjXhuUR4HWrSLRfu6HiiYhgKp4uD9pEA7tuE28TD4evg0UjWmGbD2NWBf2BMkpRkW3_U2NmKJkuEI_iw7u/s1600-h/pics+007.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUwXBqXU2CnbLZfidI_phjRiGq8l7KmAO5wLZxYLb1FpcAJvTssX9tpyNvNUTjXhuUR4HWrSLRfu6HiiYhgKp4uD9pEA7tuE28TD4evg0UjWmGbD2NWBf2BMkpRkW3_U2NmKJkuEI_iw7u/s320/pics+007.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312443330268202386" border="0" /></a><br />For dinner we made a sort of southwestern-ish frittata. It consisted of 3/4 c cooked hash brown 'taters, 5 eggs, 2 tbs milk, 1/2 c cheddar cheese and 1/2 c jack cheese. Broiled for 4 minutes to cheesy, melty perfection! On the side I had kale chips and french bread.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRzITnLmANmer0cERz93XloeX4fnuTl7ODk5Bvs0tS3yOl6qVXH5tTV1rn_zqBWq-fAxqNhYLQROD_mmwudH_rg43VWMtwXp_ZL5tCmu77dUaxBksnUfjVrbe_eoN3AtDq7OgfDZNZVEot/s1600-h/pics+009.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRzITnLmANmer0cERz93XloeX4fnuTl7ODk5Bvs0tS3yOl6qVXH5tTV1rn_zqBWq-fAxqNhYLQROD_mmwudH_rg43VWMtwXp_ZL5tCmu77dUaxBksnUfjVrbe_eoN3AtDq7OgfDZNZVEot/s320/pics+009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312444292097117458" border="0" /></a><br />I actually had this as a snack last night but I plan on having it again tonight because it's so yummy! It's "tart honey" froyo, made by Dreyers, topped with half a mashed micro'd nanner. This was inspired by the lovely <a href="http://emilyann2008.blogspot.com/">Emily</a>, froyo queen! You all should def. try this froyo. The honey isn't as overwhelming as it is in Haagen Dazs froyo, it's more honey swirled.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4HIT3WWnBzFGRv09_awbANriyeCaByanxSPZ_7OTV60feF-0sROSTKz3cd44hVxd851bHD5ZRLcZl5cPB-94bmhtg-2P4-NhmWobcYUvvtf6AuolhcUDsQLSCZG8nQE9eXTezW06WVqqo/s1600-h/pics+002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4HIT3WWnBzFGRv09_awbANriyeCaByanxSPZ_7OTV60feF-0sROSTKz3cd44hVxd851bHD5ZRLcZl5cPB-94bmhtg-2P4-NhmWobcYUvvtf6AuolhcUDsQLSCZG8nQE9eXTezW06WVqqo/s320/pics+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312443317377725650" border="0" /></a><br />So group therapy today went well. I've said it before, but group therapy is much more helpful to me than individual. I feel like I'm just getting feedback from my friends, rather than being forced to tell my problems to a therapist I have no connection with. Anyway, for the last few days I've been feeling guiltier and guiltier. Not about the food though. Say I eat some milk chocolate (haven't actually, just an example). It's a big challenge food, but I'm fine with actually eating it. I don't start to feel guilty until a little while later, when ED starts telling me that I'm fat for not wanting to restrict after eating a fear food. So I feel guilty for not feeling guilty! So irrational! I talked about it in group today and it made me feel a lot better. The oldest girl in the group is, in my opinion, about 90% recovered so I really look up to her. She reassured me that this is normal in recovery and it'll all start to go away once I become more confident in myself, rather than my disorder.<br /><br />That's is, pretty short post tonight. Good night!<br /><br />Make sure you all enter the <a href="http://blueskyworld.wordpress.com/2009/03/10/pure-love-pure-faerie-pure-share/">Purebar giveaway contest</a> on <a href="http://blueskyworld.wordpress.com/">An Apple a Day</a>! Yummmm Purebars.Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-33153407901182169232009-03-11T16:15:00.010-04:002009-03-11T21:31:02.245-04:00Late startEllo poppets. Hope you're all had a nice Wednesday! I really felt like it was Friday and I almost cried when my friend told me that we still had two more days to go. I need to add something amusing to my weeks, they just drag on forever!<br /><br />This morning I woke up approximately 15 minutes before I actually needed to leave for school. Stupid alarm clock didn't go off. So I got dressed and did my hair (read: ponytail) and practically ran downstairs to have breakfast! I remember that whenever I used to run late I would skip breakfast over doing my hair or something. But now I know that I can't get through my mornings without some foodie in mah bellay so I made time to eat breakfast. While getting my things ready, I wolfed down una manzana con queso and a Zbar.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbYI6T_W_UBOVx1fLIiEUth8wB-USI5xenww1Uv6i7k4EwoaeX6_knM3_lftLudLeFLYpQ0_3vCbjSLCEKLyNI6P4MC1K0K6J8WgXZAsueH6va0ppwm7aptYSpa_k4acYZQMR6NUrLF9RQ/s1600-h/pics+002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbYI6T_W_UBOVx1fLIiEUth8wB-USI5xenww1Uv6i7k4EwoaeX6_knM3_lftLudLeFLYpQ0_3vCbjSLCEKLyNI6P4MC1K0K6J8WgXZAsueH6va0ppwm7aptYSpa_k4acYZQMR6NUrLF9RQ/s320/pics+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312102052589439010" border="0" /></a><br />In the car, I had an unpictured PB sammich. I wish that I could've made an egg or something for more protein but I had no time. This make-shift breakfast held me over pretty well.<br /><br />Then AM snack was usual. As was lunch, but I have a picture anyway. T'is a sunflower seed butter sammich, cauliflower, Wallaby peach down under yogurt, and another Zbar. Heehh.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvJVYM6BS2L5bSeP-Dg_YMIkApt61oP9WW8INuVPWcRC-DQspnj5Or1U8ji5hUlNHccpCdBb4sQ019ogcbDLg17KoDIiyhiyKxxWe4VnMbxB2ruhHgBsqyE9JMIEH8hROK1bORCcDhpT1n/s1600-h/pics+001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvJVYM6BS2L5bSeP-Dg_YMIkApt61oP9WW8INuVPWcRC-DQspnj5Or1U8ji5hUlNHccpCdBb4sQ019ogcbDLg17KoDIiyhiyKxxWe4VnMbxB2ruhHgBsqyE9JMIEH8hROK1bORCcDhpT1n/s320/pics+001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312103700707655906" border="0" /></a><br />My afternoon snack consisted of cottage cheese + applesauce on an english muffin, PB, and a Zico coconut water. Every time I saw another blogger with this I would go "Where did you find that? I've been looking everywhere and I can't find it!" But then I looked in the juice aisle of Whole Foods and it was there. Duurrr. It was really good! Very refreshing and "clean" tasting, and not rich like coconut milk is. I'll definitely buy it again.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlifPZUm3bfa_yt7TboUwX0Xy6-F7Z-eAAePeL6NYx1jhkigwCcM9_pvs4g_sCYSVGY4tG5oLuDp3vOpkEJQH8-2l6xllbmfOLvyyeY03w2tyw_tjFpWwbEjFy0gnVug4xPmxqqySpWM3f/s1600-h/pics+003.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlifPZUm3bfa_yt7TboUwX0Xy6-F7Z-eAAePeL6NYx1jhkigwCcM9_pvs4g_sCYSVGY4tG5oLuDp3vOpkEJQH8-2l6xllbmfOLvyyeY03w2tyw_tjFpWwbEjFy0gnVug4xPmxqqySpWM3f/s320/pics+003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312102058508366514" border="0" /></a><br />And din dins was 2 slices of whole foods 4-cheese pizza. It was nummikins, I like when I can detect different kinds of cheese besides mozzarella. On the side, I had a salad made of kale/iceberg, strawberries, feta, kalamata olives, and OO & vinegar. I love strawberries and feta! Raw kale is rather strange though.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZVAL0qwwavIwTEnqFZ65UfNzBVwgoQcdKXEvXnQ3AqD04Xg2t3LiuAs1mzwnJ32OYkU3sgC5lovY5jJFWBmU-ST1bV7SNLNafAyCUpdOwokU8X1XwCiyKjTPORwdNq83z1y7nhh7ApwfF/s1600-h/pics+004.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZVAL0qwwavIwTEnqFZ65UfNzBVwgoQcdKXEvXnQ3AqD04Xg2t3LiuAs1mzwnJ32OYkU3sgC5lovY5jJFWBmU-ST1bV7SNLNafAyCUpdOwokU8X1XwCiyKjTPORwdNq83z1y7nhh7ApwfF/s320/pics+004.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312102062088780514" border="0" /></a><br />Oh wait one more peekture. This is totally a recylced pic but on the way to orchestra I had toast with sunflower seed butter and HN Cheerios. My mom said "Why do you eat so much?" and it didn't bother me!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVHe7RHYvUUy-LWkqp9tL10LYOehbDWEvCMetyaYF84fI8L4lkqSq0oLBDP-d7hrZ9JZk5mmY-rCGVXUEj3AckAAQ0Gy6f21CtkZdLmz40SYzMqLULhtZKRqXp7gLqVNDrVAGJQ4_ueIMj/s1600-h/toast.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVHe7RHYvUUy-LWkqp9tL10LYOehbDWEvCMetyaYF84fI8L4lkqSq0oLBDP-d7hrZ9JZk5mmY-rCGVXUEj3AckAAQ0Gy6f21CtkZdLmz40SYzMqLULhtZKRqXp7gLqVNDrVAGJQ4_ueIMj/s320/toast.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312102041158687026" border="0" /></a><br />Like I mentioned above, my orchestra started again tonight. The first season was from sept.-december and we had a really long break so some kids could play in the all county/ all state orchestras. Tonight was the first rehearsal of our second season. It went well, we got some decent music but nothing too memorable. I actually talked to a new girl, which is very rare because I'm awful at socializing. And she didn't run away like I always think people will! I was also talking to one of my friends that I met in the younger orchestra last year. She was kind of poking fun at me because I turn pink really easily when I laugh or get nervous. It's so embarrasing! But anyway, she said "At least it's better than the gray color you were last year." I've never told her about my ED, but I think it would be hard to not notice how emaciated I looked. My usual excuse whenever people bring up how I looked last year is something along the lines of I did ballet four times a week, that's why I always looked so exhausted and sidetracked. I recited that again tonight and my friend said "Oh, so is that why you were so skinny?" This made me really uncomfortable. I just said yes, because I don't feel comfortable telling people I'm not close with about my ED. Of course, it made me happy to hear that all my hard work I put into losing weight paid off. But now I'm dismissing those thoughts.<br /><br />On the car ride home I started to think about how far I've come since last year. I was still sitting in orchestra one night a week. Last year, I sat shivering in the back row, hidden underneath my baggy sweater. Instead of focusing on the music, I was thinking "How am I going to burn off those 27 calories without Mom noticing?" or "How much of my dinner did I scrape into my napkin?" This year, when I'm playing, food is the last of my worries. I can actually concentrate on the music, and OH, I can laugh now! Even if I'm laughing at myself for getting hopelessly lost in the music, I can laugh. And it feels really nice.<br /><br />Sorry for not doing much commenting tonight, I have to type up a works cited thingy. Night!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578314299150687318.post-31009460206823022832009-03-10T15:52:00.009-04:002009-03-10T20:56:17.056-04:00Armadillo?? I hate inventing clever titles.Evening, lovelies! Thank you all for the support and welcome back you gave me after my last post!<br /><br />Today has been pretty good except when I was walking home from school I got my house key stolen from me! I accidentally left the back pocket of my backpack open a little, and I think my key must've been hanging out a bit. I felt a tug on my shoulders and then this kid ran out from behind me with my key in his hands. By the time I realized what he'd done he was already 20 ft. ahead of me and I wasn't going to make a fool of myself running after him! I live in such a lovely town. But why? What is the point of stealing someone's key if you don't even know where they live? Thankfully we have a key hidden in my yard so I was able to let myself in that way.<br /><br />Okay, ze eats! This morning, I tried <a href="http://howimashpotato.blogspot.com/">Jemima</a>'s <a href="http://howimashpotato.blogspot.com/2009/03/sitting-on-baby.html">lemon oats</a>! They were amazing, as if there was any question about that. Very creamy, and a perfect balance between tart and sweet. I used regular raisins and topped it with a few bluebs and it worked well. Jemima is a genius!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgarHPmmErFdWJUiNxDJWMLAVXWsTOdjMJJqKkgnUYUP_I3lNABoryM4CChIQDMPlxtpElLd97kxvWlGXFyuH7gTjKd-bMzp1SQi-MOfWSnptGoWka06PmBgDIWu1RadSXnpctJHjZro9H8/s1600-h/pics+016.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgarHPmmErFdWJUiNxDJWMLAVXWsTOdjMJJqKkgnUYUP_I3lNABoryM4CChIQDMPlxtpElLd97kxvWlGXFyuH7gTjKd-bMzp1SQi-MOfWSnptGoWka06PmBgDIWu1RadSXnpctJHjZro9H8/s320/pics+016.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311724020610289586" border="0" /></a><br />AM snack was almonds, and lunchikins was: A pecan-walnut butter and cran apple butter sammich, cauliflower, a Zbar, and a Chobby Wob. Mehh, I'm not a nut butter and jelly girl.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5BYgWoAVZubxUq0Z_lQ12Hnu6M1Z-K5DnC-6njMKrwxtF4lSyt3MVyaAkfbgxYsYmRKIhU_SNecArcUgo9JJx0El_1P8Gy0hcFvQ3_KmG13phkpIsFX6ZwZN8uPBcESCzloPKGzweAhU/s1600-h/pics+004.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5BYgWoAVZubxUq0Z_lQ12Hnu6M1Z-K5DnC-6njMKrwxtF4lSyt3MVyaAkfbgxYsYmRKIhU_SNecArcUgo9JJx0El_1P8Gy0hcFvQ3_KmG13phkpIsFX6ZwZN8uPBcESCzloPKGzweAhU/s320/pics+004.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311723799099940978" border="0" /></a><br />After school, I had yogurt with strawberries and pretzels dipped in PW butter. I got the pretzels at Whole Foods this weekend. They used to be a fear food but they're so delish!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxzPEaIAx3ocrqeZIEhfipd_L_oZOnHzomtV1d675cWYm-54G3nyiMA09maw4rX1WX83VYBeNBODiwve-xTKYSUn4qjYJeT_ljQEtx2pEodV7e1L9bYFBtb2qiceXEFC5jzNh6epcpd_V7/s1600-h/pics+007.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxzPEaIAx3ocrqeZIEhfipd_L_oZOnHzomtV1d675cWYm-54G3nyiMA09maw4rX1WX83VYBeNBODiwve-xTKYSUn4qjYJeT_ljQEtx2pEodV7e1L9bYFBtb2qiceXEFC5jzNh6epcpd_V7/s320/pics+007.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311723811019965602" border="0" /></a><br />Dinnaahh was eaten in the car on the way to therapy (which I'm getting to..). I made tofu "egg" salad using 1/4 block firm tofu, 1 tbs OO mayo, and generous sprinkles of dill, garlic powder, pepper, and poultry seasoning. I ate some of it over lettuce, and the rest I spread on a WW english muffin. T'was yummy, one of my favorite things to do with tofu. I also had half a nanner with sunflower seed butter and some carrots.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie1vWQZbR5WXcj7ToGUUyneeHA9jHMtctcoFzDMzO9J-SA34-DyqEps3QtNrIy8aH6AzJpkK-l0kBCzO47YZi3U0G_PLfZQRZFWRLuEtLSZM0Y5ze2cWfdr0-XgqP_5BSU1He_5Af-qIc/s1600-h/pics+006.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie1vWQZbR5WXcj7ToGUUyneeHA9jHMtctcoFzDMzO9J-SA34-DyqEps3QtNrIy8aH6AzJpkK-l0kBCzO47YZi3U0G_PLfZQRZFWRLuEtLSZM0Y5ze2cWfdr0-XgqP_5BSU1He_5Af-qIc/s320/pics+006.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311723805815872498" border="0" /></a><br />On Sunday night, I split a sweet and sara vegan s'more with my mommy. I was so proud of myself for eating this. At first I was thinking that I never would because it doesn't have nutrition info on it and is pure sugar. But I warmed it in the micro and my fears melted away!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7TMdf-lNGBj8yTlyyIp_sdLLSTNVhuT2yLkrCtRUzOFWO93A1zyYilTG6ZUAzPNrVl51OITEGGYB2O2i1bC8XvbUxrF1QZqcV0q3AwixzQf3dSVG3noPNVoln3yIt05KJxFJFuyE8n-8/s1600-h/pics+002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7TMdf-lNGBj8yTlyyIp_sdLLSTNVhuT2yLkrCtRUzOFWO93A1zyYilTG6ZUAzPNrVl51OITEGGYB2O2i1bC8XvbUxrF1QZqcV0q3AwixzQf3dSVG3noPNVoln3yIt05KJxFJFuyE8n-8/s320/pics+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311723791686411874" border="0" /></a><br />And as part of my snack yesterday, I tried a goji moji Weil bar. I quite like Weil bars. It doesn't say so on the packaging, but I think Weils are raw and have short ingredient lists like larabars. This bar was delicious! I liked the big chunks of cashews, crunch crunch. I have a hard time identifying goji berries by taste in bars because I've never eaten one raw, but you could clearly see the dried fruit in every bite. Not tart like certain Lara flavors.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj68QSS6XiMj-cPdL_JVF-FpCd78pPLXWiEmLl7aEL0Mok8FP4Qnm2yEhltKg5eCqiA7gwGZGZeGvCABPe559Ee_LfFgIpX2uGZRuhA_gpvvy-stIgdTvj-jqAfhP9vW2YqKxQY4PRlty0/s1600-h/pics+003.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj68QSS6XiMj-cPdL_JVF-FpCd78pPLXWiEmLl7aEL0Mok8FP4Qnm2yEhltKg5eCqiA7gwGZGZeGvCABPe559Ee_LfFgIpX2uGZRuhA_gpvvy-stIgdTvj-jqAfhP9vW2YqKxQY4PRlty0/s320/pics+003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311723793925053762" border="0" /></a><br />Sooo tonight I had to go to therapy with my mom. For the record, I hate my therapist and the treatment center I go to. They are way to focused on weight and treat me like a walking eating disorder. In my session tonight, my therapist was criticizing me for being too controlling of our dinner menu. I know I'm too controlling, and as you'll read later, I'm working on it. But when I or my mom tried to bring up the progress I've been making lately, she ignored it and continued to badger me on why I was so afraid of losing control. It makes me so angry that she pushes me so hard, yet won't even acknowledge the steps I've taken to beat ED! Arg I HATE HER! But after therapy my mom and I had a nice little discussion. We both agreed that I need to relax when it comes to dinner menu- planning, so next week we're going to start planning it together. This way, I won't have to take on huge fear foods all of a sudden, but I'll still be getting out of my comfort zone and eating less than my "ideal" menu.<br /><br />Good night!Kikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15217686498751504795noreply@blogger.com21